The greatest love

NINE

Maddie

One month earlier

Maddie was called into the principal's office after school. Maddie had never been called into the principal’s office before because she was never in any trouble. Miss Monroe, the principal, told her that she had been doing badly in all her subjects. She had been failing her weekly tests, not doing her homework, not paying attention in class, and not participating in the class projects too. Maddie knew that she had been gradually losing interest in her school work. Miss Monroe wanted to know why as Maddie has always been a good student before. Was she having trouble in school, or at home? Maddie said no to all that. She did not tell the principal that she had been bullied and ostracized by her classmates. She didn’t tell her that Maddie was miserable every day. She didn’t see what good could come from her saying she was bullied. It would make her more of a target because Phoebe and her friends were always so nice and helpful to the teachers, teachers loved them, and they were always careful not to bully Maddie in front of the teachers. Miss Monroe seemed to want to say more, but finally just said, “You can always talk to me, you know that, right Maddie?” Maddie held back her tears. She nodded mutely. Then she said, “I promise I will work harder, Ms Monroe.” Then she left the office feeling worse than ever.

Ms Monroe has also sent a letter to Maddie's parents informing them of Maddie's poor performance in school. Maddie felt terrible when her mom read the letter with disappointment etched across her face. She did not get angry at Maddie, and somehow that made it worse. She just asked Maddie why. Maddie just mumbled that she was sorry and she would try harder. She could not bear to disappoint her mom. Her mom always thought Maddie was so good, in comparison to her brother, who was always getting her mom called to school.

Maddie has now been spending every lunch time outside in the yard. She did not want to go to the cafeteria where she would sit alone and be laughed at or given snide comments. Just this morning during break time in class, Phoebe made a comment to her while sitting with her friends.

“You know, Maddie, I don’t know how you can stand it. Being fat and ugly, and no one would ever want to be your friend. No boy would ever like you. I think if I were you, I would rather die. I bet your parents would even be relieved. They must love that brother of yours more because he is special, right? You are such a burden to everyone, Maddie.” Then she laughed cruelly with her friends.

Maddie usually ignored all of Phoebe's comments, but this time it stayed with her. Maybe because it resonated with Maddie's own thoughts. She had been feeling really low lately. She did not even have her usual enthusiasm for school. And her parents were always too busy with work and Timothy's therapy. Maybe her family would not miss her too much if she was not around.

Maddie couldn’t stop thinking about it for the next few days. At nights, she would browse the internet on her phone. She typed: what is the easiest way to die? How to commit suicide? She visited sites, forums. Sometimes she would feel scared and closed the browser straight away. Other times, she would become engrossed in reading people's stories and could not stop. The stories were morbidly fascinating: someone said he was thinking about suicide because he was gay and their parents completely rejected him, another said he was tired of living with no money at all, while someone else said she was very overweight, has physical illnesses and dependent on drugs and could not see a way out. Of course they were all anonymous posts written with nicknames.

One night, as she was browsing through a forum, someone sent her a live chat. “Hi, I was wondering if you are just curious or seriously considering.” The nickname was ‘Jono112'

She sent back a reply: “A little bit of both.” She was using the nickname ‘Lonelygirl917'

The reply came back soon: “Me too. Well, if you ever want to talk, I'm happy to listen. No judgments.”

Maddie did not tell him (it sounded like a him) her story that night, but she found herself chatting with him every couple of days. He said he was seventeen, was a basketball player heading for college when he had a motor accident and lost a leg. Maddie did not know how true was that, but it felt good to talk to someone who knew how she felt.