The greatest love

FOUR

Allison

Allison felt her heart break looking at her daughter. She looked so young when she was sleeping peacefully. She looked so fragile like a small child. She hadn’t realised how thin her daughter has become now. Allison cried knowing she failed her daughter. She should have been there for Maddie, and she wasn’t. She held Maddie's hands and whispered, “I'm sorry, my darling. Mommy home and take Timothy to school in the morning and then go to work. Her husband had an important meeting at work tomorrow that he could not miss. They would meet up again in the hospital the next evening.

At home, Allison went into her daughter’s room. She picked up Maddie's pyjamas, hair brush, and other personal things she might need. On her desk, she noticedis so very sorry.”

Allison and her husband sat beside Maddie, talking softly to her and telling her they loved her very much. They did not know whether Maddie could hear them, but they talked to her anyway.

Allison had worked out a plan with her husband. Jonah was to stay with Maddie while Allison would go home to get Maddie's and her own stuff, then visit Timothy at Jonah's sister’s house, then come back to the hospital to spend the night. Jonah would then go Maddie's phone and a book. Allison opened the book and was surprised to see Maddie's handwriting on the first page: Maddie's diary. She didn’t know her daughter kept a diary. She took both things too. She figured she might read the diary later. It may be a violation of Maddie's privacy, but after what happened, she needs to know more about her daughter's life.

That night, while watching her daughter sleep, Allison settled down in the sofa bed and flipped open Maddie's diary. The first page she saw was written more than a year ago, when Maddie was just ten years old. The first few entries were cheerful, about going to the beach, going to the cinema with Sally, playing board games with the family, visiting grandparents. She flipped over to the last page, almost to the end of the book. It was written just yesterday. The last words on the page was chilling:

“I hate myself. I am ugly and fat and stupid. No one loves me. I think everyone will be better off without me. I'm so tired of everything. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I think I'm going to do it now. If Jono can do it, then so can I. I hope it doesn’t hurt too much. Good bye Mom, Dad, and Timothy. I love you all.”

Allison held the diary while tears flowed freely from her eyes. She felt her daughter's pain deeply. How Maddie must have felt so alone yesterday afternoon. And Allison did not notice how sad and withdrawn her daughter was yesterday. How long had Maddie felt this way? And who the hell is Jono?

Feeling lost, Allison went back to the beginning of the diary and began to read.