Alsina is My Weakness

Chapter Ten: Consumtion

The look in his eyes when I said no to him was unbearable. I could no longer look at him.

I knew I had hurt him.

"I'm so sorry.", I said while handing him the ring and quickly leaving out of the hotel room.

I had to get home. Back to New York. I had to get as far away from August as possible.

I walked quickly. Not really sure of where I was going. My mind was all over the place.

I can't marry August. He's endured enough pain. And I will only cause him more.

I feel life slipping away from me each day. Every doctors visit results in more medication that I have to consume. None of these treatments are helping me. I'm constantly in so much pain.

I know I won't be around for much longer.

So that is why I can't.

I'm not worthy of being his wife.

I can't give him what he wants.

The only things I have to offer him are illness, death, and unhappiness.

He'd constantly worry about me being okay. He'd stress himself out. He'd run himself ragged for me.

I'll ruin his life.

I can't do that to him. I refuse to do that to him.

He's my baby. I love him more than death loves life.

But I have to stay far away from him.

I want him to be free of all the misery he's endured. I want him to live his life with no worries.

When I snapped back into reality I realized I was in a familiar part of the city.

That abandoned building stood before me.

I quickly climbed to the top of it. Completely stunned that it was the exact same way we left it.

It brought back so many memories. The nostalgia was utterly unreal.

I sat down and overlooked the city while reminiscing about my adolescent days with August.

After a while, I snapped out of my thoughts.

I had a feeling that August would come to look for me. He'd probably come here first. So I had to leave quickly.

I walked back to the hotel and into the room. Luckily August was gone.

I quickly took my notebook out and wrote him a letter.

Dear August,

Forgive me for hurting you. I'm so sorry. You don't know how hard it was to say no to you. I envisioned marrying you ever since you kissed me for the first time. Because I knew I only wanted kisses from you from then on. Back then, I saw tomorrow in yesterday with you. But now, it is different. I know that the end is near for me August. I can feel it. I can't marry you like this August. I can't be around you like this. I'm catching the next flight back to New York. Please don't follow me. I think it's best we go our separate ways. I love you August. Take good care of yourself.

I placed it on the table and began to pack my things.

I then went into the bathroom briefly to splash cool water on my face to calm myself down.

When I walked out of the bathroom, August stood by the table with the letter in his hand. I guess he had already read it because he placed it back on the table.

He walked to me and quickly pinned me to the bed.

"You're not going anywhere.", he said seriously.

I struggled to get up.

"August please...", I said.

"Nah f**k that. Listen to me.", he said sternly.

I stared at him, giving him my undivided attention.

"Never put anyone's happiness before your own. I don't care who it is. Even if it is me.", he said seriously.

"Okay.", I said lowly

He continued. "And I want you to stop letting things control you. You're letting your illness dictate your life. You're letting it consume you May. Don't. I need you to fight baby, and you don't have to fight by yourself, I'm here for you. I got you. Don't give up."

Tears rolled down my face. "Okay August."

"For once in your life, be care free and spontaneous. You need to live life. You need to be selfish and take what you want in life. You deserve to be happy. So right now, at this moment, nothing matters. Nothing at all."

I nodded.

"I love you, do you love me?"

I nodded. "Yes, I love you."

"Do you want to be my wife?"

I nodded, tears plaguing me. "Yes August. I want to be your wife."

He gently took my hand, kissed it, and slid the ring on my ring finger.