Alsina is My Weakness

Chapter Seven: Northern Lights

Chapter Seven: Northern Lights

Warning: Content has the potential to confuse

Northern Lights

Take me to Alaska

Let me shiver in the frigid air

Glaciers, snow, & ice everywhere.

Take me to Alaska

I wanna see the Northern Lights

I wish to see it before I die tonight.

Take me to Alaska

Let us watch the sky change tint

I pray to see it, god of the north wind

Take me to Alaska

There, maybe we can freeze time

So I'll forever see these lights

Illuminate your eyes

Take me to Alaska

I heard there the universe is our own

ice hides secrets & love is shown

I promise there we'll never grow old

If you'd only just.. take me to Alaska

3am

New Orleans

May

I put my pen down as I sat up in bed looking around at the dimmed bedroom August and I were in. We had arrived in New Orleans four hours ago. Yesterday had been such an exhausting day for both of us, so we wasted no time and checked into this hotel immediately.

I glanced over at August who laid beside me. He was fast asleep.

I smiled to myself.

We were home.

Down south, my home. Where it all began and where it all will probably end.

My origins.

Although I was excited about coming home, riding through my old neighborhood tonight really saddened me.

I suppose it is because all the terrible things that happened here. I still remember them quite vividly. It's like a sick movie I replay in my head all the time.

If I close my eyes, I can still hear the laughter of the corner boys. All of them barely legal, none of them truly accepted into society. They all got high daily, hoping one day they'd get so high that they would actually feel like they were worth something.

I cry for them sometime. Because I know that most of them are either behind bars or six feet under.

The only two options they were granted.

This city consumed them. New Orleans, so sweetly vicious. She takes young lives and ends them unexpectedly.

And yet, here in my city, their souls live on, forever.

If I close my eyes, I can visualize my brother making deals. He was so numb to it all. His eyes were always so cold. He was empty. A cold empty man.

It took me a while to realize that he had become hollow inside. I couldn't save him, I was too naïve. In a way, I feel like I let him down.

Hopefully, I'm not letting him down now. I hope he is proud of me.

I often feel his presence at times. Especially at night, when I feel his spirit walk through me. It always causes me to shake violently.

I suppose that's his way of letting me know that even in death, he's still here for me.

Even in death.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when August moved around a bit.

"Why aren't you sleeping?", he mumbled sleepily.

"I just got up to write something. I'm going back to sleep August.", I said in a whisper laying back down.

"Okay.", he said lowly."

It was silent for a moment.

"August?", I said softly.

"Hm?", he mumbled sleepily.

"Have you ever thought that life is just a really long dream?", I asked.

"Like reality is only imaginary. Reality doesn't truly exist. It is only a figment of our imaginations.", I continued.

He opened his eyes and faced me. "I always think about s**t like that. All the time. The surrealism of reality."

"It is a rather difficult concept to grasp but I find myself thinking about it constantly.", I told him.

"Yeah, I know. That s**t will drive you crazy if you let it.", he said.

I nodded. Then silence struck.

"August, if life is really a dream, what would the dreams we have when we are asleep be considered?", I asked hoping to delve into his mind a bit.

He thought about it for a minute.

"I don't know ma. Glimpses of reality maybe."

I nodded, taking his theory into consideration.

"You know what scares me though?", he spoke lowly.

"What?", I asked getting closer to him.

"If life is a long dream and the dreams we have when we sleep is reality, then that must mean that death is nonexistent.", he said.

"So what do you think happens to people who die in life?", I asked him.

"They finally start living.", he said.

I nodded. "They are living while we are merely dreaming.", I said reinforcing his idea into my head.

He nodded.

"That is a beautiful theory August. I'm glad you shared that with me. Thank you.", I said to him.

"You're welcome." He moved closer to me and again drifted to sleep. I decided to follow his lead.

...

10am

August had a show today but we decided that we'd venture out into the city. We wanted to see how much has changed here. If anything changed at all.

So we got dressed.

For some strange reason, August was very quiet. A quiet I was not quite used to.

I sat on one edge of the bed while he on the other edge of the bed putting his shoes on and lacing them up.

I adjusted myself so I could face the back of him. I watched as he put his head in his hands.

I slowly moved closer and placed my hand on his shoulder.

"August, are you alright?"

He nodded slowly. "Yeah. I was just thinking about something."

"Would you like to talk to me about it?", I asked him.

He shook his head. "Nah, it's not that important.", he said before kissing my forehead.

I nodded.

"What about you?", he asked.

"What about me?"

"You want me to be able to talk to you about my problems and I want the same from you. I want you to talk to me.", he said honestly.

I stayed silent.

"I don't want you to keep everything from me.", he continued.

I looked down at my feet. I suppose now would be the right time to tell him.

He continued. "I don't want this to be a one-sided relationship ma. I want to..."

"I have Lupus.", I said interrupting him.

"I knew this for a while now and honestly I don't think I'm getting any better. I didn't tell you because I know you are going through a lot and I didn't want to bother you anymore.", I continued.

It was silent for quite some time but when I finally got the courage to look up at him he looked so angry.

"August please don't be angry with me. I'm sorry.", I said while walking towards him.

I tried to hug him but he didn't let me. Instead, he walked out the door leaving me in utter silence.

I laid back on the bed and closed my eyes.

I tried to avoid this. To avoid breaking a mended man. But by how he looked at me, I could tell he was so hurt. I hurt him.

Lord have mercy on us.