The Luna

Raspberries

*Through Sage's Eyes*

    f**k, I needed a cold shower. 

    I walked down the stairs into the dining room to find everyone taking their seats. They left the spot to the right of my chair empty, presumably for Xander to sit. I glared at Ben, who usually sat there during business dinners, but he just stuck his tongue out at me. 

    Taking my spot at the head of the table, I looked around the dining room. The floor to ceiling windows showed off the view from the back of the house. A high ceiling made it feel open and closer to the outdoors. The house had a massive wrap-around stone porch with stairs leading down to a big swimming pool. Beyond that were different types of athletic fields for whatever game was happening, followed by a few rolling hills before giving way to the dramatic mountain range. It faced west, so the room was currently bathed in a spectacular orange glow as the sun started to set. I loved this room. 

    Alpha Elijah had the opposite head-table seat while everyone else’s place cards were randomly placed, per my request. I felt conversation was more productive this way and with our heightened hearing everyone could hear everyone anyway. 

    They all sat down as I sat, but I stood again after my old fashioned was placed in my hand.  

    “I’d like to thank you Alpha Elijah and the rest of you for making the journey out to the Strong Mountain territory. With an interesting start,” I announced as I quickly glanced down at Xander, “I hope it is a productive and prosperous visit. Please make yourselves at home while here. Let’s enjoy ourselves tonight before getting down to business tomorrow. Cheers!” 

    Everyone echoed my toast and the food was brought out as we sat. Mrs. Kim and her team had gone all out. There was steak, lamb and roast beef, three different kinds of summer salads and two variations of baby potatoes. After everyone had one or two cocktails the wine started flowing. 

    I tried to concentrate and participate in the conversations happening around the table but it was so hard to focus. I couldn’t even eat all the food put in front of me, which was very unusual. Being so close to Xander for so long without touching him was almost too much.

    Of course I had gone 21 years without finding my mate and then he showed up on the eve of some of the most important business deals I’d ever do. One of the reasons I had hoped to never find my mate was the fear that they would immediately impose themselves as my protector and superior. I guess it was good that he wasn’t an alpha. Maybe those impulses would be slightly dampened and that meant less argument and more sway for me when it came down to the argument about who moves where. But this came with a lot of stressful conversations and a new way of life. He’d become my alpha I guess, but there was no way in hell I was handing over my responsibilities to him and just running the house and events like other lunas. Would he be okay with that? What does an alpha who isn’t actually completely in charge do? I had never heard of anyone being in the situation we were in. 

    A mate was also a weakness. I knew so many alphas who kept their lunas surrounded by guards at all times and limited their movements for their protection. I also knew many who put the needs of their mate over the needs of the pack. I would lay my life down for any member of my pack and that wasn’t going to change any time soon no matter how much Xander protested. 

    Some had been exploited or defeated when enemies used their mates as a pressure point. There had been a few crazy alphas throughout history who went so far as to kill their mates to avoid having a weakness. The thought of that made me sick. 

    I didn’t need another weakness. I didn’t really consider being a woman a weakness but I knew almost all other pack leaders saw it as one. I got hit with more s**t than other packs because some rogues or alphas thought I would just roll over and give up. The last thing I needed was to now have to worry about the safety of my mate. 

    There was always the option of rejection. If I rejected Xander, most of those issues would go away. Except doing that while his pack members were on my land would probably destroy all chances of aligning with Cold Moon. Rejecting my mate had always been one of my top options when I used to think about the day that I found him. But just the idea of it now made me angry. It was the logical thing to do, but Jasmine howled in pain at the thought and I knew I’d never get the words out. 

    I needed to stay professional and focused on the goals I had set for this visit for my pack and my companies. Usually wolves mated almost immediately after meeting their mate, but I couldn’t do that.  I didn’t know how I wanted to move forward with him. I didn’t have time for distractions. Oh f**k, time! How the f**k was I going to make time for any kind of relationship? And then when we have pups?

    Woah, I was getting ahead of myself. I forced myself to bring it back to the present. 

    Just get through the next 24 hours, Jasmine said, seeing my panic. 

    Yes. Just a few hours of talking tonight and then a few hours of meetings tomorrow. 

    And then we can jump his bones! Climb him like a tree!

    No. No. Not helping. Go away, I groaned, mad at how much the idea appealed to me. 

    I tried to steal a quick glance at Xander. He was in a heated conversation with Mark about some soccer player. I felt like I could read his emotions through his eyes. Was this a mate thing? His silver eyes flashed with passion, clearly he liked soccer too. He had a sharp nose that complemented his strong jaw line and a big wide smile with perfectly white teeth. His hair was dirty blonde and long enough that he could style it in that way that looked like he just rolled out of bed but had clearly spent time putting it like that. He was a few inches taller than me when I stood next to him in my stilettos, which was pretty tall considering I was a large 5 feet 11 inches. He had broad shoulders and big strong hands. Hmm those hands… I wonder what they’d feel like… 

    f**k I need to focus on something else. 

    He even seemed to understand my need for distance. 

    My Goddess, he was perfect. 

    Just a quick glance made my heart rate speed up and I realized I had licked my lips without thinking. I hoped anyone who saw it would think it was because of the food. 

    I think I’ve done a pretty good job so far. I’ve had to take a lot of deep breaths and pauses to compose myself but there were only one or two close calls. 

    I just really needed a cold shower. 

    The conversation went back to my land, with the Cold Moon members asking questions about the town and village. I contributed here and there but mostly listened. 

    Dessert was a delicious raspberry cheesecake, and after everyone was done I handed the show over to Izzy. She led everyone over to another lounge area near the built in bar in the basement. It had been fully stocked and a perfect upbeat, slightly jazzy playlist played in the background. 

    After another hour of chatting, listening, making eye contact with Xander across the room and thinking of things that were supposed to not turn me on, I couldn’t do it anymore. I excused myself and ran up to my room. 

    I face planted onto my bed and groaned into the sheets. This was going to be rough. 

    A soft knock on my door alerted me to the fact that I could sense Xander was close. 

    Thinking of gross old men, rotting bodies and mushrooms I went to open the door. He looked very concerned. The disgusting thoughts did nothing to counter his effect on me. 

    “Are you okay? Do you need anything? Can I come in?”

    Damn he was persistent. 

    You’d be okay if you let him throw you on the bed and have his way with you, Jasmine chimed in. 

    I can’t deal with this right now. We both know if he comes in he’ll never leave.

    I put my hand on his chest but quickly removed it. 

    “Xander, no, you can’t come in. Yes I’m okay. I just need to prepare for tomorrow’s meetings,” I lied. I’d been prepared for days. “Please go back and enjoy some time with your friends and your parents. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

    He looked a little sad but seemed to get it. He took my hand and brought it up to his lips. 

    “Of course. Goodnight, ma reine,” he said as he kissed the center of my palm. My hand exploded with pleasurable sparks as his lips touched my skin. The gesture seemed so much more intimate than any kind of kiss on the back of my hand could ever be. I’d had some pretty good s*x in my life, but that small kiss made me feel more than I ever had during a romp between the sheet. There was romance and intimacy implied, which I had never experienced. I was shocked that I didn’t hate it. 

    He turned and started walking away, his hand still holding mine. 

    One small taste wouldn’t hurt anyone, right? Just to ease some of the tension.

    I yanked his hand so that he spun around and was pulled towards me. I hooked one arm around the back of his neck and snaked my other hand through his hair as I crushed my lips to his. 

    He responded immediately, putting one hand on my lower back pulling me closer against his body and the other grasping the side of my head, holding me in place. I could feel the outline of the muscles in his chest and abdomen. He ran his tongue along my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I opened my mouth, allowing his tongue to fight against mine. It felt like tiny explosions were going off throughout my body, starting at my mouth and going down to my feet before coming back up to my center. I wondered if he always tasted like raspberries, or if it was just from the cake. His hand moved from the side of my face into my hair, where he gripped it lightly. A small moan escaped my mouth, only to be swallowed by his. 

    I felt him hardening against my pelvis and needed to stop before I lost total control. I pulled away, noticing that his eyes were now a dark grey as he smelled my arousal. He had an extremely sexy smirk on his face that turned to shock when I slammed the door in his face. 

    I ran to my bathroom, turned the shower on to the coldest setting and stepped in fully dressed, needing immediate relief. It had been years since I last struggled for control. 

    After ten minutes of standing under the water doing deep breathing exercises, I was shivering but no closer to getting Xander out of my head. I couldn’t let the stupid mate bond be what caused me to lose focus. Drastic measures were needed. 

    As I stepped out and peeled my wet dress off, I mindlinked Ryan, my head of security. 

    “Hey Ryan, do you have anyone on the night shift you can spare?”

    “Yes Luna, I can send Brett. He’ll be there shortly. Is everything alright?”

    “Yes, it’s a bit of an odd job. Thank you. Have a good night!”

    I dried off, got ready for bed and put a robe on as I waited for Brett. When I could smell that he was outside I opened the door. 

    “Hey Brett! Can you come in here for a second, I have a weird request for you.” 

    “Of course Luna, what can I do?” he asked as he stood at attention in front of me. Usually I didn’t invite people in my room but I didn’t want anyone to hear my request. 

    Brett kept his eyes on mine, knowing I’d be a little annoyed if he wasted my time looking around my room. This was why he was one of my favorite guards. 

    “Where were you supposed to be assigned tonight?”

    “The east side of the house ma’am.”

    “How would you like to spend the night off your feet? You can stand, sit, lay, I don’t care. I just need you to spend the night in the hall making sure no one goes in or out this door until morning.” 

    A shadow of a smile crossed his face. It was so faint it could have been my imagination, but I knew how quickly gossip spread around the pack. 

    “Of course Luna.” 

    I handed him a chair and a spare pillow and blanket in case he needed it and said goodnight, locking the door behind him. 

    I hung my robe on its hook and climbed in bed, turning off the lights on the way. 

    It took so long to fall asleep. I counted sheep, focused on my breathing, counted backwards from one thousand, focused on the sound of the rushing river nearby: nothing worked. Sleep finally came when I caved and thought about Xander’s scent and the sound of his heartbeat, the feeling of him wrapped around me, kissing me, inside of me… 

**********

    The next morning I woke up before the sun. I decided to let Jasmine have a run and invited Brett to join me. We made our way outside into the forest before shifting and taking off. 

    This was my favorite way to get to know my fighters and security team. I often invited anyone who was available to join me. I asked questions about their families and how they liked their jobs. I asked for recommendations and criticism. Sometimes I didn’t enjoy the company and went alone. 

    When I first became Luna, Ryan had me surrounded and followed by a team of guards everywhere I went. While I got to know the team on this rotation well (Brett had been one of them), it got old very fast. I hated having to tell someone my every move and after a few instances where I had to wait for the team members when I decided to go somewhere spontaneously, I convinced Ryan it was a ridiculous waste of resources. I could take care of myself. 

    Once the sun was up, I sent Brett home to sleep and made my way back to the pack house. Usually I joined training with the fighters at this time, but I needed to get ready. I made my way into the kitchen, knowing the omegas who worked in the house wouldn’t arrive for another half hour. I made myself bacon, eggs and coffee and went back to my room. After eating I took a long shower and then dried my hair, putting it in a tight straight ponytail. I put on my royal blue pant suit and nude stilettos and applied a bit of mascara. I rarely wore makeup during the day. 

    I went into my office and sat at my desk, collecting everything I needed for the day’s meetings. Sleeping and running had definitely helped. I could finally focus on work without thinking mainly of Xander and now Jasmine was tired and quiet. 

    At around 7:30 Ben and Mark came into my office. They knew I liked to go over last-minute details before big meetings and arrive together to convey a strong and cohesive unit. Meetings usually started around 10 am, but since the Cold Moon team had a long trip home we had pushed everything up a bit. 

    I sent a small prayer to the Moon Goddess that neither of them mentioned Xander even though I could tell they really wanted to. 

    With five minutes left, I went over to the small office fridge in the corner and took out the bottle of patrón and three shot glasses. None of us really liked patrón, but it had become a pre-meeting ritual. 

    “You’re f*****g kidding, it’s 7:55 am!” Mark exclaimed as I walked back to my desk with a smirk and poured.  

    “We’re not breaking a ritual tradition before a meeting like this! It’s shots o’clock!” replied Ben as he took a shot glass from me. 

    “See Mark, Ben gets it! Cheers boys,” I said, clinking my glass against theirs and tipping it back. It definitely didn’t mix well the coffee taste in my mouth and it was obvious they were having the same issue. We all did the typical disgusted face and body shake people did when doing shots. 

    We headed to the main conference room that was floor to ceiling glass on all sides except for one that had a big white board and a huge tv monitor mounted on it. One side of the conference room looked out into the forest on the right side of the house. It provided a pleasant backdrop without being too distracting and blocked the sun from ever being too overbearing. The other side looked down the hall into the space where the rest of the smaller conference rooms were. 

    I took a deep breath as I noticed Elijah, Derek and Jordan settling into their seats. 

    “We’re gonna crush it,” Ben’s voice said in my head through the mindlink. 

    “You could do this in your sleep,” said Mark’s. 

    I put on a pleasant smile before pushing the door open and made my way to my seat. 

    “Let’s f*****g do this,” I told them.