Becoming me

Chapter 4 – Love, Loss, and Lessons

It was my first day as a ghostwriter. I was excited — not just about the job, but about my first paycheck.

My first assignment was to write about a girl who saw the world in bright, beautiful colors but chose to focus on its

darkness… until she met a boy who changed her entire perspective on life.

It was difficult, but I figured it out. And when my paycheck arrived, my client told me they loved my work. They said I was a

natural.

School, however, was overwhelming. Exams were approaching, and I struggled to balance studying with writing. It didn’t get

easier, especially since I was nearing the end of my diploma. I needed the money, but I also needed to pass.

So I pushed through my assignments and paused ghostwriting until my exams were over.

That evening, exhausted, I lay in bed scrolling through my phone when a notification from Google Photos popped up. It was an

album I had created for him — the boy I had loved so intensely.

We went to high school together, though I didn’t know him until our second year of senior high. He was funny, sweet, and

kind. We only grew close during our final year. At one point, I unknowingly became a messenger between him and a friend of

mine — all while slowly falling in love with him.

Eventually, my friend rejected him. I felt guilty for feeling relieved.

Later, he traveled abroad, and I pushed him away before he could tell me. We stopped talking, only exchanging birthday

wishes.

A year later, he returned. When I saw him again, excitement overtook me. I jumped into his arms, wrapping my legs around

him as he carried me inside. We talked for hours, catching up.

When he left again, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I wasn’t sure, but I agreed to try.

Two months were good. By the fourth month, communication deteriorated. During that time, another boy from school

showed interest in me. I became infatuated and eventually slept with him.Guilt consumed me. I confessed to my boyfriend. He was hurt and disappointed but didn’t leave me. He said we would start

again, fix our mistakes, and rebuild. For a while, things improved.

When he returned to visit again, everything seemed fine… until he suddenly became distant. Cold. Cruel. I begged him to see

me. When he finally did, he apologized and promised we were okay.

We slept together.

Then he went back to being distant.

The following week, I started bleeding from the emergency contraception I had taken. When I told him, he said it wasn’t his

responsibility. If I got pregnant and chose to keep the baby, it would be my problem.

My heart shattered.

I broke up with him and blocked him everywhere.

Later, I unblocked him. He responded to one of my posts. The night before, I had dreamed of him holding me, asking to spend

the night at my house. When he texted, hope stirred again.

We talked. Apologized. Reflected.

I asked him if he would take a second chance if we had one.

He said, “I probably would.”

And I realized I didn’t want a relationship built on probability.

I told him no.

Maybe you never truly know a person. Maybe some people are meant to teach lessons, not stay forever. I knew we might

cross paths again someday, but for now, we needed distance to grow.

Before sleeping, I checked my email one last time and saw my timetable for my data analytics course.

I dropped my phone beside me and stared at the ceiling, wondering what the coming week had in store for me.