Burning Coldness

|REGRETS|

2:30 in the morning. Andrew glanced at the clock, he lay awake for hours now. The only sound in his room was his labored breathing. What have I done? He couldn’t sleep as the flashes of the night replayed in his head. The way Nathaniel looked like when Andrew stripped him of his clothes, his long tanned legs, his hardened stomach, his firm chest caused Andrew’s breath to hitch in his throat as the thought about it.

Andrew could still vividly recall the feeling his sensitive area and cupping them in his hands. The way Nathaniel moaned in his ear, and the way he kissed him, the way his naked body glistened with sweat under the glow of moonlight, made Andrew throb with want again. He peered at the emptiness on the other side of his bed.

What have I done if he had said yes?

Andrew couldn’t help but wonder. At this moment, it all seemed like some strange dream. If not for the sweet soreness of his muscles, he would have certainly thought was.

I mean, how unbelievable this is. I had s*x with Nathaniel twice. I would never in a thousand years believe that this could happen. Andrew mused to himself. What did I do it anyways, why did I seduce him? At the beginning it was all game, but how did I get from teasing to inviting him to stay over? Was I that swayed away by lust to allow myself to let guard down and especially, around him, the person I despise the most? Andrew sighed heavily into the night.

“I can’t. I don’t need to stay here.” Those words from Nathaniel’s mouth rung in his head all over again. He recalled standing naked and stunned in the living room, as Nathaniel gathered his clothes in frenzy and ran out of his house as if on fire.

I guess this is for the best. That’s what you get Andrew for sleeping with the enemy literally. He scuffed in the night. However, despite Andrew’s efforts to brush the rejection off as if it was nothing important, he was still deeply pained by it.

He worked hard all the time so that no one would be able of saying no to him, and Nathaniel threw it all in his face. And he did it in the worst possible moment, when he lowered his guard for a split second. The burning hatred spread through his body as he thought of that little moment when he felt all-familiar feeling, rejection. He had to get back to Nathaniel, show him that he can’t play with him as easy as that.

His mind was running wildly now, scanning through his written schemes to find a perfect idea for getting back to Nathaniel. But nothing seemed good enough since he never managed to destroy Nathaniel with any of his regular schemes.

Maybe, I was looking for a solution in a wrong way. Since Nathaniel didn’t have any vices maybe I should look at his virtues. Andrew mused as the little wheels in his mind started to turn in a right direction.

Finally, at this late time of the night a devious plan started forming in his head. I know exactly what to do. Andrew grinned devilishly, and finally closed his eyes, drifting away to what might happen next.

•••

Nathaniel certainly didn’t spend his weekend the way he imagined it. It consisted of stuffing with ice cream, avoiding Allysa, and moping around in the house with his video games. He didn’t cry though. In fact, he didn’t wanted to. He was sick of it. He was tired of crying out of pity for himself. He had enough of it.

Seriously? You’re just making yourself believe in things that won’t happen, never will, Nathaniel. Friday night he bawled his eyes out until he didn’t have any iota of energy to cry. He knew he look like hell, his cheeks were puffy, huge circles under his eyes and his hair disheveled but he didn’t care.

Remorse was eating him out, but that wasn’t the only source of his tears. What killed him the most was that he was feeling more than remorse, something that was overwhelmingly stronger? Every fiber in his body was screaming for Andrew’s touch, but that was wrong, he had a girlfriend, and Andrew was a conniver. He wouldn’t allow himself to be attracted to him. He knew he had to stop this before he fell to his snare.

That night, after he came down from his high and realized what he has done, he mustered all the strength to say no and run from there. Otherwise, he would have drowned in the lust for the green eyed brunet, and his regret would have been greater than it is now. Even while running away from Andrew’s house, he had to fight the desire to turn around, go back and take Andrew again until he wouldn’t have an ounce of strength in his body anymore.

He didn’t know how he is going to act around Andrew when he sees him on Monday. He was petrified of the confrontation with the guy who is undeniably pissed at him. He prayed that he could discuss it as civilized people and resolve their problem once and for all. However, for Nathaniel was certain: he could never allow himself to do that with Andrew again, despite of how much he desired him.

Andrew got ready for school with a special care this morning. He planned on looking irresistible. He descended to kitchen to eat breakfast. He saw his mother sitting on one chairs, sipping on coffee and reading newspaper.

“Good morning, Mother.” he greeted her cordially with a beam of excitement.

“Good morning too, Andrew.” she said, not lifting his eyes from the newspapers she’s diving in.

Andrew rolled his eyes heavenward as he sat to eat his cereal. They sat like that in a quite couple of moments before Andrew asked, “Where’s daddy? Has he gone here, hasn’t he?”

“He’s in Barcelona, Spain for a business talk.” she responded as she finally lifted his gaze to look at Andrew.

Despite in living in New York for years, she had Spanish accent. She was a lean woman in her mid-forties. Her sharp but nonetheless beautiful facial features and her eyes the same shade of green as Andrew, made it obvious who Andrew look after. Everything about his mother screamed ambition and arrogance. From her bussinessy but nonetheless fashionable attire, she spread the aura of coldness and shrewdness around her.

“When he will be back?” Andrew asked her, furrowing his eyebrows. Despite his father always missing from the house, he was his father after all. Besides, he was way gentler than his mother.

“I don’t know. Whenever he comes back.” she said as she bore her cold green eyes at Andrew.

“At least you could pretend you care.” Andrew muttered in his cereal as he swirled his spoon in the bowl. He wasn’t hungry anymore, he only wanted to run away from his mother.

“What was that for? I don’t like it when you talk to me in that manner.” his mother menaced.

“What do you care? Have you ever been paid me any of your attention?” Andrew scoffed.

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that, I am still your mother.” his mother hissed which was way intimidating than screaming. However, Andrew knew his mother well, and wasn’t intimidated by her after all.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit late to call yourself that way?” Andrew snarled at her and added “mother!” as he snatched his coat and bag, and ran outside house, slamming the door on the way.

I can’t believe how she can still get to me this way, Andrew growled under his breath. I have to calm down, after all I have to be cold headed for my mission today, Andrew thought to himself as he exhaled deeply, substituting fury with a devious excitement when he thought of the sweet torture he will bestow upon Nathaniel. Students parted like Red Sea as Andrew passed through hallway.

Perfect timing. The earlier I start with my little plan, the better. Andrew smirked to himself as he reached the classroom. He entered the room confidently and scanned the room. His body was sparkled with excitement as he spotted the target.

Nathaniel was sitting in his usual place, typing something on his phone absentmindedly.

Let the game begin. Andrew smirked devilishly as he approached his table, and sat next to him. He turned slightly in his seat observing Nathaniel’s handsome features. His hair was once combed one-sided. Just he was about to announce himself cleared their throat besides him. He turned his head slowly in the direction of the sound, only to see some guy looking at him with his arms crossed.

“Can I help you?” he smiled, his usual fake smile.

“You are sitting in my place.” the guy muttered when he noticed who he was talking to.

“Are you sure about that?” Andrew eyed at him, seemed to pierced him his green eyes.

“Never mind. I can sit somewhere else.” the guy startled, fidgeting with his coat nervously.

Andrew just raised his eyebrows expectantly at the guy as if he was asking ‘what are you waiting for?’ which was enough of a hint for him to spurt out of there. Andrew sighed contently at him success of intimidating another student.

With a smirk, he turned his attention at Nathaniel only to see his eyes widened in surprise and his jaw wide open. “Close your mouth bastard, you might catch a fly.” Andrew said with him, smirk still in face.

Nathaniel snapped his jaw closed, and turned his head away from Andrew. The brunet could notice a slight blush creeping up Nathaniel’s cheeks. After a couple of seconds, Nathaniel turned his head back at Andrew, blush still apparent on his cheeks.

“Why did you sit here? Are you lurking around me?” he asked, confusion clearly written all over his face.

“I like the view from here.” Andrew simply replied, looking at Nathaniel’s warm chocolate eyes.

“If you think-—” Nathaniel started to retort but was cut off by the teacher who announced the commencing of the class.

“Alright guys, this morning I’ll go easy on you. We’ll watch a documentary on the current topic we are discussing in the class.” the teacher said. In a couple of minutes, he started the movie and turned off the lights in the class.

Andrew peered at Nathaniel who stiffened in his seat, trying to concentrate on the movie students are watching. Andrew rejoiced internally at the unintentional and unexpected help from the teacher.

He is planning something I am sure. There is no way he would be this calm after I ran away like that. Why does he has to occupied the sit beside me, and why the hell we have to watch the stupid documentary today of all days?

Nathaniel growled inside his head as he eyed at Andrew suspiciously. His stomach was fluttering with excitement at Andrew’s proximity, and it wasn’t helping that he had that smirk on his face throughout the time.