It’s never that easy

Chapter Eighteen

We arrived at the restaurant at about eight to make sure everyone had arrived before us. He doesn’t seem suspicious. Hopefully he hasn’t realised even though Nathan’s car is parked right outside of the place. We walked into the restaurant and I gave my name. The waiter led us to some stairs and told us there would be someone at the top to guide us to our seats. We said thank you and headed up the stairs and through some double doors which led to the private room in which Nathan hired.

“Surprise!”

Jamie looked at me in anger. Why is he angry? I couldn’t ask him before everyone came up to him. His mum came and gave him the biggest hug you could imagine and his sister joined in. Then Nathan and Zoe came and spoke with him. I didn’t really see him all night. He stayed with his mates mainly and ignored me. Even when I went to talk to him, he froze me out. I’m totally confused. Why is he acting that way with me? I grabbed hold of his arm and dragged him to a quiet place. He was reluctant at first but he had no choice in the matter.

“What is wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“There clearly is Jamie. You’ve cold ever since we walked in. Tell me.”

“Why have you done this? I wasn’t ready to see everyone. I only wanted a quiet night with my girlfriend.”

“It wasn’t my idea. Nathan set it all up. I’d of rather it just been me and you but Nathan insisted.”

“Well you should have tried harder then!”

“I give up. You’re drunk. Talk to me in the morning when you’re sober. I’m going home.”

“Fine,” he said walking away from me.

I give up. I can’t do anymore. If he wants to act that way, then it’s best I leave him to it. I said bye to Gemma and Zoe and left to go home. I ended up walking home but on my way home all I could think about was how he treated me. I’ve not seen him in two months and he’s just acted out at me for no reason. It wasn’t even my idea. I hate going to bed angry but I’m not waiting up for him. He’s in the spare room tonight after the way he treated me.

I must be drifting off when I heard loads of banging downstairs. I looked at my clock and saw it was four in the morning. I can’t believe he’s been out this long. I thought he would have come home and at least tried to make it up to me. The bedroom door opened and Jamie came in, banging anything that was on his way. He lifted the covers and wrapped his arms around me. He stank of booze.

“Nope. Out! You’re in the spare room tonight.”

“I’m sorry. Please. Baby?”

“No Jamie. You’re not staying here tonight when you spoke to me the way you did.”

“I’m sorry! Okay? What more do you want?”

At that point I sat up in bed and pushed him out of the bed. I’m not having him speak to me like that. He stood up and walked out. Hopefully he will be in a better mood in the morning.

I woke up to a little tap on the door. I sat up, crossing my legs knowing exactly who it was.

“Can I come in?” Jamie asked poking his head around the door.

I just looked at him and nodded. We needed to clear the air. I can’t have this when I’ve just got him home. He sat at the end of the bed with a sad look on his face.

“I’m sorry. I never should have spoken to you in that manner. I was drunk and I’m sorry.”

“It’s not on Jamie. Whether you were drunk or not. How do you think you made me feel when I hadn’t even done anything wrong?”

“I know that it was Nathan’s idea after he told me.”

“I told you! Did you think I wasn’t being honest with you? This whole time, not once have I lied to you.”

“I know. I’m sorry. He told me as soon as you left as he asked why you had gone. He also told me how stupid I was being and how worried you have been over the last two months. I’ll admit, I was a coward and had one more drink to get some courage to come home.”

“What happened? You came in four hours later.”

“I honestly don’t remember. I think my other mates ended up buying me shots all night, persuading me to drink them, then we moved onto a nightclub. It’s all a blur to me. Please forgive me?”

“Fine. But no more of that attitude. I want my Jamie who is compassionate and loves the bones of me.”

“I will always be that Jamie.”

I raised my eyebrow at him in dispute as he crawled over towards me and placed a kiss on my lips. That kiss certainly shows how sorry he is.

“Still doesn’t mean you’re forgiven.”

“Oh really?” he smirked pinning me down.

I grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer on top of me. We kissed passionately, pulling his shirt off over his head as he took off my red lace chemise. We were mesmerized about each other. Moving in a rhythm like we’ve never done before. We wanted each other badly.

Jamie wrapped my legs around him, stroking up my thighs as he moved me further down the bed so I laid flat on my back. He held my wrists above my head and kissed me all over my body, sucking on my n*****s as he moved down towards my stomach. I arched my back wanting more as he went further down and flicked my c**t with his tongue, holding my wrists with one hand and cupping my breasts with the other. The pleasure was so electrifying I didn’t want it to stop. 

“Jamie,” I moaned.

“Say my name again!”

“Oh, Jamie. Don’t stop. Please.”

He let go of my arms and I moved my hands through his luscious hair. He quickly grabbed my thighs and turned me around placing his monster vigorously inside of me. I could feel his hunger wanting more. He moved faster and faster, breathing heavily on my neck. I leaned into him wanting more and more of him. I bend backwards, placing my head into his neck. I could feel the climax coming. I screamed out his name one more time before he let it all out.

“Make up s*x isn’t all it’s cracked up to be,” he said sarcastically as we laid in each other's arms, trying to regain our breath.

I laughed at him and kissed his chest. I started to get up to get ready for the day when Jamie pulled me back down.

“And where do you think you are going?”

“We’re meeting your mum in an hour. We need to get ready.”

“I was hoping for a lazy day with you.”

I kissed him, “I know baby. But your mum really wants to see you. Besides we have all the time in the world.”

“We have six months.”

“That is plenty,” I smirked.

“Fine. Go now before I keep you captive.”

We actually had a lovely time with his mum and his sister even joined us after lunch. We ended up going shopping, which I know Jamie hates, but I know he will do anything for his family and me, I suppose. We even bought some new things for the house. Jamie said it needs to look less manly and more ‘ours’.

We got home and yet again a full-blown argument occurred. He wanted to go out again with his friends, but with me being at work in the morning, I asked him if we could stay home and watch a movie. He disagreed saying he needs time with his friends. I’m not one to tell him no, so I told him to do whatever he wants. I asked that he’s not too late though but he replied with, “I’ll be home whenever I want to be,” and stormed out.

I don’t know what to do with him. He’s like a teenager with his moods. I can’t cope with the mood changes. I don’t mind him going out but he needs some consideration for me. I feel like there’s something he’s not telling me. Something happened while he was out there.

***

A week has gone by and Jamie is still playing up. He’s been out nearly every night which, yet again, has caused many arguments. I’m with him tonight for his own safety more than anything. I can keep an eye on him. I’ve even asked Nathan and Ben to tag along for backup.

“Hey. How is he?” Nathan asked, kissing my cheek as he walked into the bar.

“He’s downing them Nathan. I don’t know what to do. He won’t talk to me.”

“Where is he?”

“At the bar.”

Nathan got up and headed towards him while Zoe and I watched from a booth not far away. It seemed like a very heated conversation. Suddenly, Nathan came back with a very angry look on his face.

“I’m sorry Keira. He’s not listening to me either. I’ve tried, but I can’t stay and see him like this. Will you be okay? Or do you want to leave?”

“I can’t leave him Nath. Can you stay until Ben arrives?”

“Sure,” he said sitting next to me.

All of a sudden this blonde girl walked up to Jamie and started stroking his arm. I felt anger rising through me but I waited to see his reaction. I noticed he started flirting back. Getting very close to her and whispering in her ear. That’s the last straw I’ve had enough.

“Nathan let me out!” I demanded.

“What are you doing?”

I ignored Nathan. I stormed right up to Jamie and stood in between them both.

“I’m only over there Jamie! What the f**k is going on?”

“Woah baby. Nothing is going on.”

“I’ve been watching Jamie. It doesn’t seem like nothing to me!”

“Who’s this b***h Jamie?”

“Excuse me?”

“Woah baby. This is Tessa my ex. Tessa this is Keira my one and only.”

“Your one and only? Yeah right. It doesn’t seem like it.”

“Keira?”

“Jamie you haven’t bothered with me over the last week!”

“Not now Keira. You’ve got it all wrong between us. There is nothing going on with me and Tessa. She is just an ex.”

“And?”

“We’re just friends now. I’ve not seen her in about, what a year now?” he asks Tessa.

“Yeah I think so,” she said touching his arm.

“Whatever. I’m going home. Are you coming?”

“Nah. I’m staying a bit longer. Don’t wait up for me,” he said leaning in for a kiss. I moved away from him. “What?”

“You’re kidding right?”

“I’ll be home in a couple of hours Keira.”

“I don’t care Jamie. Do as you please. Just don’t expect me to be there when you get home.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’m off to my parents. I need some space. I don’t know what’s up with you, but I can’t watch you ruin yourself.”

I twisted on my heels and ran outside. He didn’t even attempt to follow me. Nathan however did. I rang Ben to tell him not to bother coming and explained why. He said he would be here soon to pick me up. We waited for about fifteen minutes before he showed up.

“Where is he?”

“Still inside.”

“Right,” he said taking his seat belt off.

“Please don’t. Just take me home so I can grab a couple of things please.”

“Sure.”

I got home and packed a bag for my mum’s place. I fed Bruno and wrote a note for Jamie.

Fed the dog. Look after him for me. Don’t bother contacting me. I need my space. Bye Jamie.

I left it on the counter as you walk into the kitchen and left. I didn’t want to leave Bruno but my mum’s dog doesn’t like other dogs so I can’t really bring him with me. I got back into Ben’s car and he drove me to my parent’s house. I said thank you to Ben and Nathan and walked up to my parent’s front door. It took me a while before knocking on the door, trying to think about what to say to them. When my mum answered the door, I burst into tears and hugged her tightly.

“Honey, what’s wrong?”

“We’ve had a fight. Can I stay for a while?”

“Well, your dad and I are going away for the week but you are welcome to stay for however long you need to.”

“Thanks mum.”

I didn’t feel like talking just yet which I think she sensed.

“I’m off to bed mum. Will I see you tomorrow?”

“I doubt it honey. We have to leave early for the airport. I will ring you sometime tomorrow though. You can tell me more. Your brother might be here though, he’s looking after the dog for us.”

“Okay. Night mum.”

“Night love.”

I headed to my room and flopped onto my bed. The next thing I heard was loud voices coming from downstairs. I looked at my phone and saw Jamie had tried contacting me. I also saw it is one in the afternoon. I’ll admit, it took him longer than I expected. I walked to the stairs banister to listen in.

“Let me see her Nick! You can’t keep her away from me!”

“I can, she’s my sister. Like I would let her see you the state you’re in. Go home! Think about what you’re doing man! What happened out there?”

“You don’t want to know. Please let me talk to her.”

I walked down a few steps for them both to acknowledge me.

“Keira! Let me in please?”

“No. Look at the state of you. What happened?”

“Let’s just say there was an altercation with Nathan and Ben.”

“Good.”

“Really? You’re glad?”

“Yes. Yes I am. You’re out of control Jamie and I don’t know what to do anymore. Just leave please. I need time.”

“If that’s what you want.”

“I do,” I said crossing my arms over my chest.

“I’m not giving up. We’ve gone through too much.”

“Sort yourself out then. Talk to someone else if you’re not going to talk to me.”

I must have said something right as he turned and walked away. I didn’t hear or see him for a week. As a matter of fact no one has seen him, not even Nathan. I had only enough clothes for a week so I had to head back to Jamie’s, plus I wanted to check up on Bruno. I was hoping Jamie wouldn’t be there but he was. He looked surprised when I walked in. He looked so rough, like he hadn’t been sleeping well.

“Keira! You’re home,” he said walking towards me.

He noticed me stepping back and he stopped where he was.

“I’ve come for some more things and to check on Bruno.”

“Please. Can we talk? I can’t bare this anymore. I want...need you home.”

I walked past him and sat on the couch. He sat next to me.

“Face me please. I want to look in your eyes when I tell you.”

I turned to face him when he grabbed my hands.

“I am well and truly sorry. I’ve been a complete arsehole and I should never have taken my problems out on you.”

I wanted to ask what problems but thought it would be best for him to continue without me interrupting him. He’s finally opening up to me and I don’t want to ruin that so I decide to just sit here and listen to him.

“I’ve done what you said and I’ve spoken to the army’s councillor. I’ve realised how much of a d**k I’ve been and I don’t want to lose you, ever. I’ve noticed now that I need to tell you what happened. You’re a part of my life and we need to get through these things together. I know you have been very patient with me, up until last week that is, and I don’t blame you for walking out on me. I’d have walked out on myself if I could. I am really grateful to have you in my life and I don’t want to push you away.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready. At least I now know why.”

“No I want to tell you. It’s straining our relationship and you are the best thing to ever happen to me. I’m not willing to lose that.”

He took a deep breath and looked me straight into the eyes before looking down to our hands, were he began stroking the top of my knuckles. I could see the sadness in his eyes already.

“It all began when we got sent out on a mission to escort a high-end person to a safe area. Little did we know that in this tiny little village we were cutting through, would we get ambushed. So we quickly made sure the person was secure but while we got shot at, Bangers and I got separated from the rest of the guys. We ended up getting caught and they tortured us for days trying to find out where the high-end person was heading. Of course we didn’t give in to them but by the time our guys found us, Bangers had lost too much blood and I was on the blink of death. I saw him die right in front of me Keira.”

“Oh baby. I’m so sorry,” I said as I grabbed him into a warm hug.

At this point, he let out all of his pain at once. I stroked his hair while he cried it out. Now I see why he’s been acting up. That must have been horrendous for him.

“Why didn’t they tell me you had been captured?”

“They only tell immediate family. They found us within two days but by then Bangers had already gone. They had tortured him too much.”

“I’m so sorry baby that you had to go through that. I’m glad you have told me. Hopefully we can get through this together. I’m here and I’m not leaving you,” I said, lifting his chin to face me.

I leaned down and kissed him but moved back quickly.

“I love you and I’m glad you’ve confided in me, but can you please go and wash yourself up. You need to rest up too. You need to take care of yourself, for me,” I smiled at him.

“Yeah,” he said slowly getting up, “thank you.”

“What for?”

“For being awesome.”

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

He went upstairs and ran himself a bath. After ten minutes I went up to check on him and he was just laid there.

“Room for one more if you want to join?”

I nodded to him. I undressed and slid in behind him. That’s when I saw scars on his back. I touched them and I could see he felt a little uncomfortable but I didn’t want him to feel bad. I wanted him to know I was there for him so I kissed them before grabbing the sponge to wash him.

“Now I understand why you held my wrists the other night. You didn’t want me to touch your back?”

“No. I felt ashamed and didn’t want you to worry about me. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to hurt you but I did just that from protecting you.”

“Hey,” I said leaning my chin on his shoulder, “what’s done is done. I don’t want to think about it anymore. All I care about is helping you. Okay?”

He didn’t reply to me.

“Okay?” I asked again.

“Okay,” he sadly replied.

***

It took a while but I have my Jamie back. He won’t fully be back to how he was but he is back to how I love him. He’s been going to regular therapy sessions and we even have a night were we talk about anything and everything that’s gone on in the week. I want him to confide in me. If he’s struggling, I want to be with him every step of the way.

We have been going out less too and Jamie’s been helping at the shop again. His spirit has certainly perked up. Because of his experiences, he’s been talking to other soldiers who have been through similar situations. I think that has helped him a lot and he’s ready to get back out there when the time comes. I’m so proud of him. I'm just glad he told me when he did. He might not have lasted long if he kept it going the way he did. He made sure he made amends with everyone that he had altercations with. He even told Nathan about what had happened to him across the waters.

It’s actually Jamie’s birthday today so we’re gathering for a night out. His first big night out since getting better. Like I’ve said, we’ve been going out but only for an hour or so, this time he’s going for the full night. He’s having a couple of drinks but not many. He doesn’t want to overdo it.

We arrive at Fishbowl and who do we see but Tessa, his ex from before.