Brixia In The Sky

1st Period

It was as if the sun stopped shining and nothing but clouds in the sky. That was the day I realized the world isn't black and white , not even gray. The way I saw it, it wasn't set for people to figure it out. Our perspectives were just s**t we grew around nothing more and nothing less. If you grew up seeing people work hard and judge others for not working as hard, you become that idea that if you don't work as hard you will be judged. The easiest way to get lost in society. Learn that and you get what you need to succeed in the world. 

Brixia was what my parents decided to name, never questions Brixia angel gonzalez. My mom said that the reason my middle name is angel is because through her pregnancy people always said I was going to be the sweetest angel. I hated that it tends to be a guy's name but hey what can i do. 

“Bri bri come on, get out of your room and get your a*s in this car” I finished putting on my last presson . I take off and put on every day for school. The real acrylic doesn't last but I love how nails make my hand look more feminine. I think it's my way of announcing I will cut a b***h and look good doing it.

  Two answer your question, yes I am a little ghetto but I can also be really professional. I know when to flip  my cues even though I may not think so. I make sure everything is in my backpack and walk out the door putting on my mask before I put my hoops on. Since covid 19 happened i only do my upper face makeup to hold myself up just a little higher of confidence. 

  My confidence comes from two places. If I feel like one is a bit off then everything is off and that's something that I try my hardest to make it all work. My hair and outfit need to be perfect and look right and based on that i do my makeup however and some days when i feel like my best self i don't do my makeup at all. I guess what the world needs is more people feeling like their best selves but then that can cause more problems. 

I hop in the car and my mom takes off, heading to school, that's the thing that diminishes any happy mood I walked in. The first bell already rang so now I have to walk straight down to my first, folklorico or Mexican folk dance. It can be tiresome to explain what it is. I set my back down by the cabinets that are falling apart. The teacher who I may add is too old to teach is surrounded by the students who can be stuck up but sometimes i think they don't realize how hard they are failing themselves sometimes. I look at the bellwork on the white board, it's always the same, just worded differently, states and capitals of Mexico, it's boring so I don't do it. 

  The teacher started playing music the moment the third bell rang, whatever song the stuck up girls wanted even though they danced hald and quit. My best friend walks in, Natalia, she comes up to me and asks how I'm doing. I just say fine and ask about her. We barely talk, especially since she started dating RJ. I hated it but I know it's for selfish reasons. I sometimes see him as toxic but maybe I'm trying to be protective. 

I plug in an earbud and look at my notifications to see one from my boyfriend brian. We met my freshman year in folklorico, a language barrier exists but i manage and so does he. All it says is hola bebe i respond back with a buenos dias amor but then i look at natalia and her perring eyes. “May I help you there, huddy?” she points to the screen “why is he still texting you, it's not like he cares about you” she responds i just shrug and ignore the topic while i say hi to Desi she is the only senior i get along with because she's not stuck up like the rest. She understands there's more to life in my opinion even though she dont speak out about it. She reminds me the most about me and Natalia's other best friend. I miss her more and more sometimes. 

Desi and natalia start talking and i sit there, i can name a lot of issues my mind can go through right now but why do that, just to make my mind spin faster. Natalia gives me that look has if she knows something is wrong, the thing about being eachothers bestfriend is we know when something up, even if we dont talk about the situation.

The way i feel about her is hard to explain, like i said she is my bestfriend but the way it is right now it not what i want it to be. She hangs out with girls i cant stand sometimes, i tried being nice but they treat me garbage so I have to be cordial but that blows. Than that boyfriend of hers tends to get mad when she doesnt hang out with him in the band room during lunch so i dont see her than. 

I tend to mostly hang out with Charlie and Manuel, we met in middle school but i wasnt close to them at all. Its funny if you would have asked me my sophmore or even my freshman year if i thought i would be close friends with those two, i know i would have said no so fast. 

An old middle school bully who i became friends with, was the one that made that possible. She had a crush on Manuel in middle school when she found out he transferred from wherever he was at before, she asked me to go with her and from than on i just hung out with them. 

Im thankful everyday for becoming friends with them again.