Fuel Me, Break Me, Love Me

Chapter 4: What are you doing?

Dalon

Mario is busy taking me through a series of exercises when there is a knock on my door, and I practically jump up to race to the door before I realize I still have a band strapped to my head that Mario is in control of. Luckily, I have been doing these exercises for a really long time, or I would’ve just done some serious damage to my neck. “The f**k are you doing?” Mario asks, but I don’t bother answering as I take the strap off my head and make my way to the door. I quickly swung the door open and then realized that it was not the smartest idea to open the door while we were busy training for a race. There isn’t a lot of sport that has you training your neck the way we have to, and this might just open a very large can of questions, but there is no one in front of the door and I wonder for a moment if I was so desperate to see Jae again that I made the sound up in my head.

“Who is there?” Mario asks, stating that he also heard the knock, and I am not going crazy.

“No one.” I say just as I see the two paper cups on the floor, packets of sugar next to it. At first panic starts to crawl up my spine, thinking that someone might know I am here, but then I remember that I told Jane I could really do with a cup of coffee, and she delivered by the looks of it. The guest house isn’t big, so it wouldn’t have taken much to guess that this is my room. Add in the fact that we have music playing, she might have just guessed that this is the place to drop off the coffee. I pick up the coffee and take a sip of the one, realizing that it is cappuccino. Assuming that the other one is for Mario, I take it to him and then make my way to the room next to mine. I knock on the door, but there is no answer. I try my luck by twisting the handle and the door opens with a squeak. I find Jane passed out on her bed, face down and snoring softly. She must have been exhausted to fall asleep so quickly. I start to close the door when I realize that she still has her glasses on. For a moment I contemplated just closing the door, but she did bring me coffee and the best way I can repay her now is by at least taking her glasses off her face. I silently make my way into her room and then slowly pull her glasses off her face. I take in her blonde hair that is all over her face and softly pull it back from her face. She doesn’t even move, doesn’t twitch. She is out cold, and I know I should back away, but I can’t make myself move. She looks like a sleeping angel, her waves of hair lying scattered around her. She is reaching out with her one hand, almost like she was looking for someone, and I wonder if she is in a relationship. The thought leaves a sour taste in my mouth. A part of me wants to get in this bed with her, just wrap her in my arms and fall asleep, but I have never done that with a stranger, and I shouldn’t be thinking like that about a woman that might very well already be in a relationship. But what is she doing here alone then, if she is in a relationship?

I need to get out of here. My thoughts are reaching dangerous territory, and I can’t have my focus on anything aside from getting my head back in the game and winning the championship. Distractions are dangerous and that makes Jane the most dangerous thing for me right now.

“What the f**k are you doing?” Mario whisper, shouts from behind me, making me practically shout like a little girl as I hold the glasses to my chest. I then start to panic that she might wake up, so I quickly place the glasses on the bedside table, and rush out of the room. I close the door softly behind me and face furious Mario.

“She came with coffee, I wanted to thank her and then I saw she is passed out and still had her glasses on. She might not have another pair, and I was afraid she might break those and then how will she see the rest of the trip?” I ask him, trying to defend my reason for why I entered a room I was most definitely not invited to.

“And what if she wakes up and questions how her glasses ended up on the table when she knows she fell asleep with it?” He brings up a valid point.

“I will just pretend that I have no idea.” I tell him as if that will make everything right.

“So first you lie to the woman about who you are, next you sneak uninvited into her room, what is next?” He asks and I deflate.

“Yeah, yeah, I get what you are saying.” I tell him and shoulder past him and into my room.

“You know nothing can happen between the two of you, right? Not only because of the lies, but she is clearly not from your world, and it would be stupid to pull her in if you are only going to throw her away when you need to get back to reality.

“I can be friends with her for the time being. I could be just a normal guy for a while. When it is time for us to leave, I will just explain the situation to her, and we will never see each other again. It will be fine.” I tell him, knowing that I am just going to end up regretting my lies, but for once, I can be anyone, and not Dalon, the disappointment. This is what I have been craving and even when I know it is wrong, I know that I will take the opportunity, not only because I want to be someone else for a short while, but because I can’t just walk away and never know another thing about Jane.

“You are making a mistake, but you know I will always be there to pick up the pieces.” He says and I wish I could say he is wrong, but he has been picking up the pieces of my life and putting me back together every single time I have struggled to keep it together.

“Let’s just get back to work. I would like to have some time for myself before this day is over.” I tell him, frustrated that he is right, and no matter how attracted I am to this strange woman, I can never be more than friends with her. Besides, between my travels and keeping my focus on winning the championship, I don’t have time for a woman in my life.

It is close to sundown when I hear movement next door, and I try to ignore it. I have only had a few hours to myself, and I have tried to re-watch races, trying to pinpoint all my mistakes to try and see where I could’ve done things differently. I even went as far as watching the comparisons made between myself and Oliver, but that only made me feel like more of a failure as I listened to the commentator sing Oliver’s praises.

“Eina, s**t man.” Not sure what language that is, but it sounds like she is in distress. I get up and then sit back down, not sure if I should be running to her rescue or if I should stay right where I am and just pretend like I never met her. “AHHHH!” I get up and run to the door, rushing into her room without knocking, only to realize that I have no weapon, and I might know some hand-to-hand combat, but that isn’t going to get me far if someone broke in and has a gun.

When I find Jane on the floor, her arms outstretched, staring at the roof in frustration, I worry that she might have hit her head and is now dead on the floor, but then she turns her head and finds me standing at the door. “You might as well take a photo and get it over and done with. My humiliation is now complete.” She says and it is only then that I realize she doesn’t have a shirt on, only a sports bra and her pants are currently around her ankles, displaying her very sexy black underwear. It covers everything, but that doesn’t stop my lower body parts from paying very close attention. I clear my throat and turn around.

“Are you alright?” I ask her, but she only gives a defeated laugh. I start to turn back around, but then remember she is not dressed, and I need to get my body under control.

“I wanted to go for a run, but struggled to put on my tights. I bumped my toe against the leg of the bed and then continued to trip as I completely forgot about my pants and tried to reach for my toe. Then I turn around and find you standing in the doorway. You have seen everything there is to see, so no point in trying to hide now.” She truly sounds defeated, and I did see everything, so she has a point. You would like to see a lot more than that. The voice in my head tells me, but I try to ignore it. “I should’ve just gone back to bed, but I really don’t want to waste time sleeping. Now I can’t seem to force myself to stand up. "You can leave now.” She says and I hear a rustling behind me. “I am now decent.” She says, and I turn around to make sure that she is alright. She is sitting on the bed, her head in her hands.

“Thank you for the coffee earlier.” I try to break the awkwardness, but she only nods. “Hey, are you okay?” I ask, truly concerned that she got hurt. I sit down next to her on the bed, ready to check if there is any damage to her head from the fall.

“Yeah, I am just so tired. I knew jet lag was a real thing, but I didn’t expect it to be this bad.” She looks up, and I can already see her eyes dropping again. She looks down at my lap and then back up at me, and for a second I wonder if she is going to try to kiss me, but instead she looks back down at my lap and then the upper half of her body falls to the side and her head ends up in my lap. “I am just going to sleep here if you don’t mind.” She says, but before I can even say anything, her soft snoring is back again, and she is once again out cold.

What the hell do I do now? I can’t just stand up, and it feels rude to move her now. She practically made like a dog just now. Found a place that looked comfortable and fell asleep on it. With no idea what else to do and feeling slightly exhausted myself, I lie back on the bed and fall asleep, my one hand behind my head while the other is playing with her hair.