Fuel Me, Break Me, Love Me

Chapter 6: Over the line

Dalon

The sunlight pouring in through the window pulls me from the deepest sleep I have had in a very long time. For a moment I am slightly disorientated and not sure where I am, but then last night floods back in and I quickly sit up. I look around the room and realize that I am alone. Jane is nowhere to be found, and I am slightly upset, but also happy to avoid an awkward morning.

I get out of bed and have a look around, trying to figure out who Jane really is. I open the closet, surprised to find very little clothing in the closet. There are only two dresses, some warmer clothes and then three pairs of shoes. There are no heels, no fancy jewelry or overstocked make-up bags. There is however a box of contact lenses and in the back of the closet, is a camera. Without thinking, I reach for it, hoping to get some idea about who the girl is that I shared a bed with last night.

Just as I grab the camera, her bag catches my attention. The suitcase it standing open at the bottom of the closet, a large box the only thing in it. Unable to help myself, even though I know it is wrong to go through her things, I bend down and open the box. There is so much wrapping that I need to carefully peel open that I second guess myself three times before I finally see what is inside the box.

A typewriter. Just when I thought she couldn’t be any more odd, I find a typewriter in her suitcase. How freaken old is she if she is walking around with a typewriter? She doesn’t look like she could be any older than twenty-five, but I have learned not to guess someone’s age by their looks.

There is a note on the typewriter, and I carefully open it, too afraid to move anything else, or she might realize that I have gone through her things and never trust me near her again.

To my dearest Jane,

You have written stories that have brought me to tears time and time again. I know you are capable of far more than stories that so few get to see. I hope that this helps you to get your thoughts out there before the world gets to see it.

I know you are capable of becoming more than you could possibly dream of.

Stop waiting for your dreams to chase you. It is time that you start chasing it instead.

All my love.

Collen

I feel guilty for opening the box now. I feel like I have crossed some kind of line by reading something that is clearly written by someone that truly cares for her and might be a lot more than just a friend. The thought of her already having someone crosses my mind again and this time, I don’t push the thought away. Instead, I carefully repackage the typewriter and then close the box, hoping she won’t realize the box had been opened.

The camera catches my attention again, but I shake my head, not even sure I want to know anymore what is on there. I don’t want to know if she is in a relationship. Maybe knowing will help me move past this fascination. That pesky little voice in my head says. Frustrated, I reach for the camera, knowing that I have already crossed a line and I might as well go all the way.

I turn the camera on and the first photo that pops up is of me in her bed, the moonlight barely lighting up the room but it is enough to see my face and my one arm over my stomach, while the other is wrapped around a pillow. I feel slightly less guilty about going through her things when she is taking photos of me while I sleep. My smile disappears however when I move to the next photo.

The grave site with a photo of a man smiling spiked into the ground. The grave site is fresh, the flowers still fresh as if the photo was taken the day of the funeral. There is only the one photo, the next being a photo of her with the man that was on the photo of the grave. My heart sinks as I put two and two together. I go back to the previous photo and can just make out the dates and the name at the bottom of the photo that is spiked into the ground.

Collen Esterhuizen

1992.09.16 - 2024.03.15

It has been a year since he passed away, and it is clear that he loved her by the way he was looking at her in the next photo. I just scratched in something very personal, and it is time to abort this mission. I quickly turn the camera off and place it back where I found it. I make sure her bed is made up as if I was never there and then I sneak out of the room. I try to be quiet as I sneak back into my own room, but my sneaking around has clearly caught up to me, because Mario is standing by my bed, looking pissed off.

“I have been here for an hour, Dalon. Where the f**k have you been?” He asks, nearly shouting, uncaring that there might be people in the guest house to hear us. He is clearly beyond pissed and even if I don’t deserve it from him, I do deserve it for what I did in Jane’s room.

“Jane fell. I went to make sure she was okay. She ended up falling asleep on my lap and I felt too bad for her to move, so I ended up falling asleep on her bed.” I give the short version.

“She is barely here a day, and already you sneak into her room and watch her as she sleeps, then end up sleeping in her bed. Don’t you think that is taking things a bit far?” He doesn’t even know the rest of it, and he won’t ever find out if I have it my way. He pinches his nose, clearly trying to calm himself down. “Look, I need to go back home. I know you wanted more time here, but honestly, I don’t know if I should leave you here on your own.” He says, and my chest constricts. I can’t leave yet. I still have four days before I need to head back to reality and my mind needs to be cleared before then.

“I can’t leave yet.” I tell him, and he nods as if he had expected that answer.

“Look, my sister just gave birth and, as the godfather, I need to be there. I will be in Miami in time for the kickoff of the warm up. "Can you stay out of trouble in the meantime?” He asks and, after what I saw on that camera, he has nothing to worry about. I can never make a move on a woman that hasn’t moved on from an ex, never mind someone that passed away. I can only be a temporary release and Jane is clearly someone who needs someone that is willing to commit for life.

“Yeah, you have nothing to worry about.” I tell him, feeling exhausted even after a night with the best sleep I have had in far too long.

“I want to ask what happened, but that is going to take time, and I need to get to the airport within the next twenty minutes or I am going to miss my flight.” It is then that I notice the bags by the door. He should’ve left already, but he waited for me. This day can’t get any worse.

“Yeah, let me know when you get to your sister.” I tell him, giving him a hug before he rushes out the door.

I want to crawl into bed, but I know I need to start moving, find a way to get focused again if I still want to stay in the championship. I brush my teeth and take a quick shower, then I get dressed and go for my run. This time I will be sticking to going around the town like I have been doing since we got here three days ago.