Never ever

12. Accepting

That phone called changed everything in a minute. Whatever was going on with me could wait. I could still hear her panicked voice in my head, it didn’t fit with the strong woman I had gotten to know. I ran up to the house, using my key to get in and hear voices arguing up stairs.

“Stop moving, just let me help you, William” Mrs Green was yelling.

“No stay away, I can do it myself Karin.” Mr Green replied angrily.

“Be careful of the glass” Karin said sounding afraid as I walked in the bedroom. It was a site I would not soon forget. William was still in his pajamas struggling, hanging on to the side of the bed. There was glass everywhere with some liquid and a broken lamp which also left sharp shards. Karin, who was dressed except for her bare feet, was frantically trying to get closer to her husband. Careful not to step in anything sharp but he didn’t let her come any closer.

“Oh maya, Thank god you are here. Can you help me getting him back on the bed. Manuela is coming but it will take her fifteen minutes and he shouldn’t be lying here all that time” she said relieved as she saw me walking in. 

“AAH damn you woman” William all but growled, there was nothing in there of the calm and charming man, frustration and helplessness had driven it out of him.  

“OH stop it William, you ungrateful man” Karin yelled at him, this was getting out of control. I had to act. I grabbed a blanket from one of the chairs and walked closer to them. 

“Both of you take a deep breath, yelling at each other doesn’t do any one any good.” I said calming them down and with the blanket I brushed all the glass and shards away from one side of William. I knew very well I wasn’t able to pull him up all by myself and I needed Karin to help me. I kneeled down next to William and took his hand. 

“I understand that this is hurting the pride of the strong and capable man that I know you are but this is why you hired me. William, you know you need some help and accepting that is not going to make you any less of that man.” I said to him making my voice soft and warm but also demanding. He seemed to take in my words and sighed nodding that I was right. 

“Okay then,” I said getting to the other side of him, careful to not step in anything, “Karin could you take the other side, we will lift him up together.” She quickly took the spot I cleared of any glass and we took him by the arms. Helping him up and sit down on the side of the bed. With his arms and some support from us he was able to get back sitting against the headboard. 

“I’m sorry” he said sounding more like himself again and taking his wife’s hands in his, “I know that was stupid but I was just so angry.”

“You're forgiven but honey you need to accept your limitations” She said caressing his face and looking at him lovingly. She climbed up the side of the bed with him and gave him a small kiss. 

“Thank you maya, you seemed to know just what to do” she said turning towards me and they both looked thankfully towards me making me feel a little uneasy all of a sudden. 

“UHH… Just doing my job. Now speaking off, why don’t you two stay put and I will clean this glass up first, so we don’t cut ourselves” I quickly said and was out of the door before they could argue with me. I came back with the vacuum cleaner, a dustpan and brush and started working. I could feel them watching me from the bed and not just them. It was here as well but I ignored it to the best of my ability not wanting anyone thinking I was going crazy. That I was thinking myself was already bad enough and I would not be able to refute them. 

“So I think that is all” I said after a while and was just about to ask what happen when Manuela came bursting in the room. 

“What happened” she asked getting over to William and calmed down when she saw things were not immediate threatening. 

“My legs spasmed and gave out just as we were fearing would happen” William started to explain, “I fell as I was getting out of bed taking my lamp and water glass with me as I went.”

“Maya came to the rescue and we’ve been waiting for you to check him out” Karin filled her in and I wasn’t oblivious about the fact that she didn’t mention that he wasn’t letting her help him or the fight they have had. 

“Good think she is here than,” Manuela said and nodded to me a small smile on her face, “How our your legs feeling now?” She wanted to know beginning to examine William and that was my que to go. Without a word I left and taking the vacuum cleaner with me I slowly descended down the stairs. I almost dropped it when I noticed a figure on one of the pictures on the wall. Leaning against the black muscle car in the same manner he had done when he was in my room. He even had a similar blouse on with some dark jeans. I looked closer and realized that I knew him, the man in the picture was Jason. But how was this possible not two day ago he was standing and talking to me in my bedroom. I was about to lose it when I hear her.

“You have felt his presence as well, haven’t you” Karin said standing on top of the stairs staring at me curiously. His presence no, I saw him. I talked to him, how was I able to talk to him?

“Did you see him?” I wanted to know it he had showed himself to her as well.

“No” she just stated as if it didn’t matter, “but why don’t we take this downstairs. Sounds travel in old houses you know.” I was just gawking at he in shock as she walked past me. My logical head couldn’t comprehend what was going on, ghost were not real!

“Are you coming?” she sweetly asked as she was down stairs and I nodded. Following her to her study still holding onto the vacuum cleaner. I was still shellshocked, unable to speak but Karin didn’t noticed and just started talking as she looked at a picture of a small boy.

“William doesn’t believe, he can’t, not without evidence but I don’t need it. I know it is my boy. It started a year after he had died. William thought I was just grieving since it happened a year ago but I knew what I felt was something different. You know how it feels, like there is someone there,” she says looking me a little desperate. I did know what she was talking about but saying it and knowing it were very different. She continued anyway.

“First it was only around his death anniversary but It became more frequent when William started to use the apartment again. It wasn’t only this feeling like he was there anymore, light went off or on for no apparent reason and sometimes even lightbulbs shattered. I knew when William suggested to rent it out for some help it would affect him but I never expected it to get to this. Since you have moved in he’s gotten so much stronger.” she looked at me in awe, like I was a gift from god. I didn’t know what to say, how could I tell her I thought I saw her son. Her dead son. She was already convinced he was here with us. 

“When you came that first day, asking for a light bulb. I started watching your reaction, waiting for you to sense him too. But you have seen him?” she asked, getting a bit incoherent. 

“No, why would you think that” I lied, I couldn’t tell her.

“You asked if I had, I assumed.” she said sounding unsure.

“You were so sure it was jason, I thought maybe you had seen him.” Was I making this worse?

“I know it’s him, It can’t be anything else. Just the other day I expected to see him, there was a noise coming from his room, but he wasn’t there. I didn’t see him, only his picture had fallen. I want it to be him so bad, I miss him.” she said tears forming in the corners of her eyes. My heart broke for her, she was still grieving her son after how many years. She hadn’t let him go. 

“Karin it’s okay. You are allowed to miss your son. He is a part of you, of you heart and he always will.” I said trying to comfort her, helping her to sit down. She broke down in my arms, sobbing about her son, about her husband, about everything. We just sat there, me holding her. After a while her tears dried and her breathing went back to his steady peace. 

“Please don’t tell William” she said softly as she sat straight up, “I need to be strong for him.”

“I won’t but Karin you don’t have to be strong all the time. Promise me you give yourself a moment to bend otherwise you will just break. Do you understand what i’m saying” I asked unsure if I got it right myself. She nodded and smiled at me.

“And here I thought you would have been just what my son needed, now it seems you are just the one that I needed. I hope you won’t hold my grieving ramblings against me.” She said a faint red coming across her cheeks. 

“What ramblings” I said smiling at her and standing up. It however was still very much on my mind, were it just ramblings of a grieving mother or was there some merit there. 

We moved to the kitchen, getting ourselves a nice calming cup of thee when manuela came searching for us. Karin became more tense as soon as she walked in.

“How is he?” she wanted to know. 

“He is regaining some sense back in his right leg but i’m afraid his left leg is paralyzed. We would have to wait and see but the fall might have shifted the pressure to his left side. Luckily there is no evidence he broke anything but his lamp. He however will be sore for a couple of days.” she explained, I’m shocked to hear how muts worse his health is. 

“May I ask, what pressure?” I asked for that was the part that raised the most questions.

“William had been diagnosed with an inoperable tumor around his spine. As it grows it puts pressure on his spine making his muscles to spasm and eventually cut away all function. We have been treating it with chemo but his body is weakening and the tumor is fast growing. We expected his legs to go first seeing the tumor was closest to those nerves. As the tumor will grow up he will lose more functions until It will come unbearable for him to breath.” Karin explained the best that she can, her voice getting harsher as the sorrow of what is coming seize her. 

I can feel a tear falling down my cheek and I grab her hand to comfort her. I truly had know Idea of what was coming for them but I would be here for them I silently vowed.  

I had stayed with them talking all about it, over a nice strawberry croissant. They went back to william to discuss their options with him and I was on my way home. I had decided to have a open mind and even though the thought of ghosts made me want to check myself in a loony bin. I needed to try and find out if it was true. For karin and william. 

I had felt the presence again since manuela walked into the kitchen and it followed me home now. I sighed as I sat down my green chair, somehow it seemed right to do it there. 

“Jason? Are you there?” I asked softly, I almost can’t believe I was saying those words. 

*Jason*

I was truly worried about my father so when Maya left the room, I did follow her this time. I stayed with my dad and his nurse, this I realized as she started to do all kinds of medical check ups. It was so like my dad to have all these women tend to his every need, yet I knew he had only eyes for my mom. He always was a charmer especially with the girls, you can probably imagine how bringing home a girlfriend went. At the end of the day they all loved my dad and feared my mom, I thought back grinning. As they finished she convinced my dad to take a nap, that the shock had taken a lot out of him. Before she left, to go looking for my mom, she had looked at him strict and had said with a demanding tone that he had to stay in bed. 

It made me laugh as I followed her and found my mom and Maya in the kitchen. There was something different about their interaction but I soon forgot it as my mom explained what was wrong with my dad. He would be with me soon, the thought saddens me on one hand but on the other I was longing to talk to my dad again. The thought kept going through my head as I followed maya mindlessly.

“Jason? Are you there? she asked softly and I froze. Did she really just say my name. 

“Jason, can you give me a sign that you are here?” she asked sounding very unsure. She was asking for me. How did she know it was me? When did she accept I was here, that there was really someone here for her to talk to. She sighed and I quickly turned on the radio.

She jumped up, tears rolling over her cheek as she was laughing. 

“Good, i’m not going crazy” she said even thought she was laughing crazy at the moment.

I turned the music down again, not knowing what to do next. She seemed as clueless as I felt. 

“So let’s make sure this wasn’t a fluke” she finally says thinking up a plan, “Can you turn on the light for me?” She was testing me and I obeyed. I turned thinks on and off for her but was getting tired. She didn’t realize this was draining me but how could I tell her. As she asked me to change the song on the radio I didn’t comply. Instead I pushed her phone towards her and as she watched I absorbed some of its energy. 

“You mean your battery is low because of all these actions?” she asked assuming correctly but I had no way to answer. 

“But how are we going to communicate then? she wondered out loud. 

“Maybe something small?” she said jumping up and running away saying she should have it somewhere. I could hear her throwing thing aside as she was looking for something. A couple of minutes later she came back with something in her hand, a piece of paper and a marker. 

She sat on her knees at the table and wrote yes, no and I don’t know on the piece of paper, each one on their own direction. Placing a marble in the middle and looked up at me or so she thought. 

“How about this, will this not drain your energy as much?” she asked and I carefully moved the marble to I don’t know. It was easy enough and it didn’t take as much out of me as electrical appliance seemed to do. So before she could asked another question I moved it to yes.

“HA your very own ouija board” she said triumphantly and I laugh at that.

“So let see what can I ask you? Ow of course, that was you on friday night, right?”

yes

“Do you know how that was possible?”

I don’t know

“Have you been here all the time?”

No

“where have you been?” 

….

“OH crap you can’t answer that? This might be harder than I thought” she said stroking her hand through her hair. Yeah you can say that again and it’s a little one sided as well. She sighed, she was trying to come up with the right questions. To get her attention I grabbed her hand and as a response she pulled it back gasping. She quickly looked up ashamed.

 “I’m sorry but that is a strange sensation to feel all of a sudden even now that I know you are here.” she apologized stroking a lock of hair back behind her ear.

“Did you wanted to ask me something?” she asked then and I almost jumped for joy. A little to fast I moved the marble to yes making it roll off the table. She laughed at that and got up to get it. 

“I guess you do, only I have know idea on how to do that, do you?” she asked putting the marble back and this time a little more cautious I pushed it to no. 

**Maya**

This wasn’t working I thought, I had know idea what to ask Jason but he clearly wanted to talk to me. If I could just hear him the conversation wouldn’t stall so easily. I was staring at the marble who was still sitting at the no. What to ask next?

“Do you remember your accident?” I asked wanting to know how he experienced dying. The marble circled the no and lay still again. So he didn’t, there go my questions. This was getting frustrated. 

Just as I wanted to ask the next question my phone started ringing. I got up and answered without saying anything to Jason. It was Noah and it was great to hear his voice. Smiling I greeted him and the marble shot from the table logging itself in the wall. 

“So we were wondering if you wanted to come and hang out with gang at the park?” Noah asked completely unaware of what was happening in my living room.

“Sure, shall I come and pick you up?” knowing I had to pass his apartment anyway to get to the park.

“Yeah that would be great, in half a hour?” he asked as I dogged a candle jason was throwing at me this time. I looked down at my outfit, I needed to change first and defuse this situation.

“I do need to change so I will be there in a hour?” dogging another candle and getting hit in the back by a cushion from my chair.

“Okey babe, see you soon” He said and I quickly hang up before Jason got out off hand. 

“STOP IT!” I screamed at him and everything stayed quit this time. 

“I’m sorry this is so frustrating but I will not stop living my life just because you are here. Please don’t make this difficult for me because I just vowed to stay and help your parent go through this. I promise to find a way so we can communicate properly but have some patience” I said meaning every word. Maybe I could find a book at the bookstore tomorrow, or even at that shop I got all these candles that seemed to be the right kind of shop to go to. I waited for a response but realized then where the marble was. Jason however found a way moving the paper across the table in the empty direction. 

“Do you mean that you are sorry?” I asked having no idea otherwise and luckily the paper moved to yes. I smiled and picked up everything that had gone flying. 

“Guess I shouldn’t take Noah back here with me” I said absent minded but hearing a tearing sound behind me. The paper on the table was ripped apart and on the wall next to the marble hung it’s missing piece, Yes written on it. I swallowed, this was going to complicated things.