Visionless Reality

Nineteen

      Looking at the recruit, falling to his unconsciousness, all of the other recruits rushed towards him. This gave the bandits an opportunity to shoot. Two other recruits were hit by the bullets of the bandits. It couldn’t get worse. Looking at friends, lay on their own blood, fighting for their last breaths, finding the way to that silver lining, in the dark clouds… and all gone at once. Giving all the recruits a count, only 36 of us were left alive, with a heavily injured one. All of the intuitions that I was having during the start of the journey, were true. Everything in the end was vain. I was unable to save them. Those pale faces of the recruits, covered with blood on one side, were looking at me with their cold eyes. I could see the pain and terror in their eyes, that I started feeling. I could see my reflection in their eyes, that was full of misery and guilt. The scenario around me was turning wild and wild. Mist started forming around me, dimming the daylight, and replacing the happy sun, with the bloated ruddy moon, that arrived to wreak vengeance of those pity creatures, who succumbed to their injuries, just because of my mistake.

        The moon was ever obscure, and was taunting me, to face the truth and admit the crime committed. But I was weak… weak to sustain the guilt inside, that was rising, each time I looked at those dead faces. Looking at those recruits once again, I could still see the dried tears on their cheeks, mixed with blood, making them warmer than the light of the sun. The other recruits surrounding those bodies, stood up, giving a chilling look at me.

‘Hey guys… Isn’t he the one who let us come here, after knowing that it’s dangerous here? Isn’t he the one who spat on the feet of the bandit, to make his more aggressive than ever? Aren’t you… the one who killed all these recruits?’-Random recruit.

        Every recruit was looking at me furiously, trying to force the words out of me, about the things that weren’t real. They all were giving me creepy feels, with their hands approaching me, like they were going to choke me to death. Looking towards them, I was crawling backwards to get away from their hands and intentions. I reached the end of the ship crawling on the top. None other way could be found instead of jumping into those waters, rather than becoming a matter of guilt to anyone else. I got hold of the railing, and climbed upon it when all the mist around me, evaporated. The terrific moon was disappeared and the young and proud fireball was back. All of the recruits were scared of my next move, so they were trying to hold me back. Everything that I saw, turned upside down. I jumped into the hands of the recruits, crying harder than ever. It was like I will spit out blood crying. My voice was hoarse and the eyes were full of blob of tears, accumulating instead of rolling out. My throat was dry and getting choked, with the cost they paid for my negligence.

‘Hush 5… we are safe now. Don’t worry. Those people will not come before us. We are safe now…’-Recruit-147.

‘Yeah ofcourse… we all are with you. There is no need to cry for the dead ones. They can’t be summoned to life back. So stop mourning. We have to work hard and stay strong.’-Recruit-38.

‘It’s all my fault… It happened… because of me. Only if I had told you earlier…’

‘What are you saying dude? I can’t understand… These deaths have nothing to do with you, did they?’-Random recruit.

‘Why aren’t you saying anything? 38! What does he mean?’-Another random recruit.

‘See definitely… that is none of his fault… he just can’t get past of their deaths, that’s the only…’-Recruit-38.

‘I was having an intuition about it from the start… just after the instructor sneaked the words ‘life in risk’ and ‘casualties’ in his instructions, that something wrong was going to happen… and this was far worse than expected. 4 recruits lost…’

‘So you’ve been hiding this from us, this whole journey… I should have known that you could be a faker too…’-Random recruit.

‘Hey stop it! It is not his fault. He told us that he was not feeling good for this task and we took it as a mere sickness after all the other tasks. But if he would have told you, you wouldn’t have either taken his words seriously.’-Recruit-399.

‘So there’s nothing we can do right now.’-Random recruit.

‘Actually, there is… We can take help from the majors and take down the kingdom of that filthy bastard and make the regret, for what they did. They will pay… for their deeds.’-Survivor recruit.

        And we were sailing back to our land. As the cliff was not our way, back to the camp… we had to take a longer turn and get onto the land, from where we could actually step foot. That journey was going to be long… longer than expected.

‘Hey are these the catclaws? I found them in the jungle.’-147.

‘Really dude… you did a great job. You actually remembered our main task.’

‘And take these mushrooms… It took me longer to find them under the trunks of broken trees.’-38.

‘Well, I too got the horsetail along with the lavender... This sweet smell is enchanting…’

‘Although it was a bit distracting, to think about the task during such a rush, I managed to collect what I remembered. Take these black sage and the mushroom…’-Recruit-399.

‘Everyone did a great teamwork.’-Recruit-38.

‘How far away are we from our location?’

‘We would reach tomorrow morning. Giving our thoughts and body some rest, is the most beneficial task currently. We should focus on that.’-Recruit-399.

        Nodding for approval to his words, I moved down to the basement of the ship to fetch something to eat. I was not sure of the food items on the ship but wait… everyone was already feasting upon the raw food they had stored. There were coconuts, loads of fruits, spices, frozen meat, salted fish and many more things. But due to extreme pangs of hunger, nobody thought of cooking anything and were devouring upon fruits and coconut. I too picked up some fruits and they were really juicy and fresh. After tiring tasks of all day long, having such a delightful meal was a boon.

Feeding our tummies, all were feeling sleepy. I tried to find some place inside the ship but it was all packed and suffocating… so I preferred sleeping on the top, under the shed. The bodies of the recruits were kept in the basement, rolled in some wraps to protect it from decaying. It was really shameful for our seniors… to let us free in such lands, and expect us to face and deal with all the problems, perfectly in the first try. Weren’t they already known to all the dangers in our way? Or were they trying to test our wit? Those people were so ridiculous and ironical. They are the people, the saviors of justice… and what about the justice to these recruits? Did they do anything wrong? Everything was so messed up and complicated, that I was not able to hold the ends anymore. I decided to give them a rest and sleep, for the night was going to be long and lonely.

        Making myself comfortable beside the railing, I was ready to sleep. Closing my eyes, it was all dark. Haunting and terrifying dark. I was not able to cope up with the rushing sound of the sea and absolute darkness, for they reminded me of the lost one’s disquieting eyes. It was more of a matter of guilt and regression, than that of sorrow and pain. Opening my eyes to survive the loneliness, I looked up the sky. The night was beautiful and appealing. The whole sky was blue… with blurry shadows of cloud, adding the perfect strokes to an empty canvas. Although the whole painting was sufficing, enough to make a person fall in love with themselves… but the charisma of the stars, standing amongst the dark, trying to spread love, even in their loneliness, was irresistible to ignore… I was spellbound, dreaming of all the days in the real life. Being too simple, the real life was much satisfying and sensible than this fake and deceptive world.

        That night reminded me of the countless nights, I spent with Safina. Ignoring her mindless rubbish talks, I used to look into her eyes, finding something that I lost, forever. Her eyes being deep and everlasting… I was always kept losing myself and evading the reality, to enjoy the reflections of the glorious sky in her entrancing eyes. I could imagine her eyes in those stars, right above me. I remember the night with my parents, when I was sick with high fever. They used to sit beside me, holding my hand with care and compassion, like healing me with their magical powers… just by touching. Each time I opened my eyes, they were still there… sleeping on my lap… trying to ignore their sleep, but caught by their energy drained body. The last time I looked them, they were old. Older than ever. This thought made me realize that no one ever stays with you. Even if you love that person the most, or terrorize someone to stay… time would play its role wisely, without even letting you know of its moves.

        Although the night was mean and too honest to survive, I was tangled between the thoughts of the two worlds, in which I was travelling. I spent a total of two days inside the another world, but how much time would I have spent in reality? I was still wondering, about all of the other players… why did they not talk of their real lives? Why were they so different from me… or was I different? The whole chain of thoughts, making me feel worried of my past and future, was extremely haunting. It was like living inside a world where everyone knows you… but you don’t know yourself.

        The whole night, my thoughts juggled a lot… from each and every thought I can generate, to each and every moment that I lived in my life. Though nothing was making any sense, I tried to focus on my thinking as long as I could… for I didn’t want to let myself drown in the pool of sin and sorrow. The morning came with a cool sweet breeze. It was much brighter and warm than the previous days, but the fire of vengeance was still burning within.

‘Good morning everyone!’-Recruit-38.

‘Slept well?’-Recruit-147.

‘Ah yes ofcourse… After such a heavy meal, who would be able to sustain the urge of sleeping?’-Recruit-38.

‘You ate well, that is comprehensible… but you were able to sleep properly? How is that even possible?’-Random recruit.

‘I laid down on the floor, thinking about the recent events… and to think properly, I closed my eyes… which took me to the dreamy world. That’s how I slept. Why should I be worried about anyone of you and risk my life for you? Those recruits were dead due to their fate. Nothing else.’-Recruit-38.

‘So you want to ignore the fact that all of us might be dead at that place or you…’-Random recruit.

‘Hush guys! Why do you start each time without any reason? It was not our mistake…’-Recruit-399.

‘Guys! We are at the location.’-Survivor recruit.

        We were at the opposite side of the cliff, near to our camp. The camp was visible and looked like a secret base for research and all. It was looking really disgusting after suppressing so much of aggression and pain inside. They were going to pay for what they did.