Fate, My Elementals & I (Breaking Borders)

Addanon

At eleven years old...........................

Meeting Cannon's Dad, I knew refusing to try was not an option. The man was kind, caring, attentive and made me long for my own parents that much more. I had to at least ease any suffering he may be going through. I teased and tricked him into being able to hold his arm and keep my fingers on his pulse. His fun-loving personality made him not question me when I said I wanted to practice traditional Chinese medicine with him. He seemed to genuinely give me his undivided attention, smiling the entire time.

At first, I felt nothing, the flowers had disappeared. Then, I looked at Devion, he nodded, came closer to me and subtly placed his hand on my arm, and there it was. I saw it, a darkness, it was cold, and I knew I needed Bren as well. It was like we were all connected and they could read my thoughts, because Bren pretty much saddled up, resting his hand on Eddie's shoulder, peering over like he was interested, and warmed him up immediately. My magic, I guess, went into the darkness, lighting it up from the inside. There was no way I could cure him, but I know I made a difference for sure. We did it without really thinking. Eddie looked so different by the time I opened my eyes. The dark circles with bags along with the dullness that was clouding his eyes, the indrawn cheeks and the slight grimace behind his smile were all erased.

Cannon could not control himself and dived into his Dad's arms. Silently weeping. Eddie looked at all of us bewildered, knowing we had done something to him, but as exactly as Cannon said, he only smiled, and said, "I knew my Canny was special, but now I'm positive you all are just the same. No wonder he took to you." The man was either a saint or just plain weird. Either way, he got their maybe driver, I think, to bring us ice-cream and handed us his card, with an address, telling us to make sure and write, but only address the letters to him, and Canny would receive them. Then, in true child-like conspiratory behavior, he leaned over and whispered,"Let's keep this our little secret. It's not like I'm cheating on my husband." We laughed and went on our way after the show.

I smiled on the bus the entire way home. Even when the dweeb blackmailed me into saying hello to him and having lunch at least once with him, so he could become popular, since he covered for me, I still smiled. I helped Eddie. I helped someone. I always thought that my athletic abilities were the only things special about me. I have not been able to feel the earth since we all separated, but maybe it was because we used a lot of energy. I comforted myself by playing with the handband. I have a family. We don't look alike. There'll be a bossy, short, adorable female in it, but I'll have one. We were going to be superheroes. I am going to matter.

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At fifteen years old............................

"What are you doing to yourself you i***t," my coach says as he drags me across the gym to the showers, releasing me only to shove me into the shower to sober me up.

You see, I haven't exactly been a model student for about six months now. I kept mouthing off to the coaches, going to parties, drinking, testing out drugs, anything to stop feeling like this. Why, well, because I felt like it. At least that's what I tell myself. Since parting ways, after the most amazing experience I would probably ever have, I have not been able to manifest my power again. The others said they couldn't either, but could still hear them . For Davion, the way the wind would blow could bring him peace when he's upset. Cannon mentioned his showers are about an hour long, and his choice of exercise was swimming now. With Bren, he said a place too cold makes him feel sick, but me, nothing.

I figured it was just because I didn't know what to expect, and I didn't tell the others either. I hoped every day, for years, that awareness of the power would come back. Then it did. Like a tidal wave, along with a pain so profound, I felt lost and upset for three days straight. By the third day, I had figured it out. I loaned my personal reserve, the one that belonged to me without Evony or the guys to amplify to Eddie. He was just that sick. The realization made me bend over and cry. It was because Eddie died. I knew it had returned to me because Eddie had died, and I felt like a selfish jerk for wishing them back to me. What if all this time trying to use it or wishing for it, it returned, little by little, to me until he got back sick and then passed away. I felt like a murderer.

So, after kicking myself when I'm down, I made the decision not to care anymore. It didn't work at first, but eventually it did. I became the poster child for athletic overwork and substance abuse. I played hard, worked out harder and could barely sleep without drugs. Weed was my favorite pass time. I may be an orphan, but a lot of people wanted to be my friend because of the popularity. They would do anything, even bring me pills from their parents' medicine cabinet along with a good bottle of gin or scotch. Anything and everything I took. I needed to be numb.

Today in particular, I felt extra crappy. I replied to Devion's letter and sent it out. He didn't deserve the bullsh!t I wrote. Even if all his letter did was remind me of Eddie and why no one was writing anymore. On top of everything else, I went and got into a fight with my so-called vice-captain. The jerk clearly wants to take away the only thing that gave me a reason to wake up anymore. I was going to make him pay. That's how I ended up here, soaked in full uniform. The coach must have assumed I needed to cool off, because this water is freezing.

With my chest heaving, I explained, "Rodney said you were replacing me with him. He doesn't even know how to read plays. How could you do this to me!!!" I ended in a scream. The force of it burned my vocal cords, slightly waking me up out of the rage-like trance I was in. Only to feel disappointment in myself for acting out against the one person who stood by me during this self-hating spiral I was going through.

My coach looked at me, tired of my crappy behavior and replied,"You are losing your grip on reality. Sometimes I catch you just sitting on the field staring. I know you're doing drugs, Addanon, and you had better stop. You have one week to sober up. I will make you take regular tests. If I see any trace of it again, I will not only replace you with whoever you hate most, but I will kick you off this goddam team. You hear me. Tough love is now in session. I don't know what made you start behaving this way and, frankly, nothing that makes you feel that sh!tty about yourself deserves all that attention. You're my star player. I am proud to be your coach, even now. Especially now, because you need me."

I actually listened this time. I know what he's saying makes sense. "I may not know how to stop. I just don't want to feel it anymore......." I sobbed, curling up on myself. He turned off the shower, kneeling beside me, "I'll get you help kid. I promise. I just need to know that we aren't going to waste each other's time. So can you promise me that you will really try?" he pleaded. I wispered my promise and let him help me out of the shower.

By the time I was properly showered and dressed, he had made an appointment with the school counselor. I was slightly embarrassed to go there, but noticed he had made it for a time that was after hours. No one would be around to see. I expressed my gratitude and went to the building, as my first session begins today. Almost at the door, I saw the student body junior representative with a stack of papers and decided to help her. She was quite shocked. Like I said, I have been a horrible person recently. Then she quietly directed me to where she wanted to go. It was nice to just talk and chat with someone who did not ask or want anything from me and vice versa.

While she talked about the mural project the art club and the student body were working on together, I started noticing how cute she was. She got all excited and wrinkled her nose, pretty hazel eyes that lit up and her voice was sweet. I believe she had chestnut brown hair, but it was pulled back in a severe bun, and I couldn't tell much else about it. Only then did I notice she stopped talking, caught me staring at her and was blushing. Even without being the best version of myself, I know girls appreciate my looks.

"Y,,y...you can leave them right there," she stuttered and used her right hand to neaten her wrinkle-free dress. I smirked and complied.

"Is there anything else you need help with, Josie?" I asked, only because I wasn't ready to leave yet and face my real problems. This made her look like a tomato and she replied, "Um.... no thanks. Though, um, how did you know my name?" My smile grew.

"Anyone as beautiful as you tends to catch my eye. So, of course, yeah, I know your name. What I want to know is what makes you smile, so I could be the reason for it," I smoothly replied, and winked at her.

Josie replied in a giggly voice,"Addanon stop playing around, do you not have to get home? I am sure practice should be over by now, right?" She took a few steps back as I closed the space between us. "Maybe I just want to be here with you?" I threw back at her, enjoying the way she squirmed under my attention, her lips slightly parted, waiting for me, I guess. "Quit joking around you can get any girl in this school, why would you want me?" she questioned hesitantly. To be honest, I had no idea why I was flirting with her. I never cared about girls before. Even if I did tease them, it was for them to buy or steal booze for me. I had never really kissed anyone on the mouth before. I always kiss their cheeks or necks. I hated myself for feeling like I owed Evony anything when she so easily sent me away. Back to hell. However, even with girls just giving me hand j0bs or bl0wing me, I felt like I was betraying her. Maybe this quiet little thing won't have a problem with any of that. She won't even want more. It's obvious she's a virgin. Probably waiting for prince charming or her husband. Plus another bright side, her goodie two shoes persona, will help me back on track.

Making my decision, I continued to claim my so-called long-time crush on her. Got her wrapped around my finger with promises to meet me for lunch at the cafeteria. Hugging her goodbye, she seemed surprised that I hadn't tried anything, but then gave a sweet smile, happy I am not the type of guy to pressure her too much. I walked backwards the way we came, pretending I couldn't keep my eyes off her, without an ounce of guilt, knowing I was going to use this girl, so I could present somewhat stable to my coach.

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At eighteen years old............................

May nineteenth, I scoffed looking at my phone, and scowled at the vines wrapping around me, wondering why they were so happy. For all I know, she is gonna give us some other lame excuse and abandon us again. As time passed by, I realized that we were all tricked. She just didn't want to deal with us. She stopped being famous less than a year after getting rid of us. She used that as an excuse, talking about the show she had to do. Oh please you can't even find a social media presence for her now. I really did look. Not because I wanted to see her again, but to catch her in her web of lies, so I wouldn't be fooled again. It was all nothing but smoke and mirrors, because the spoiled brat was trying to hide something from us. Most likely an existence better than the one I had at the time.

Jokes on her though. She needs to take back this core or whatever she referred to it as. I want no part of it. That is exactly what I intend to tell her. I have no interest in giving up my full ride to Stanford, nor my girlfriend. I may have started off our relationship as a means to an end, but Josie really did help me. She was there through all of the therapy, detoxing and every game. Josie helped me get my grades back out, kept me sober at social events and even got her parents to accept me. I now stay at their guest house, since I am eighteen and can't stay at my group home any longer. She was willing to risk everything for me and I would be dammed if I threw her to the side for someone who ignored my existence for seven years. I'm sure once I get rid of whatever is connecting me to Evony, I will be able to be intimate with Josie and move forward. Yes, that's it, it was all Evony's fault. Convincing me I was meant for great things with no manuals, no guidance and no support.

Looking out the train window, I thought about how I had to lie to Josie about where I was headed today. Spent all morning convincing her she didn't need to come with me. How much would it hurt her to know I have been keeping secrets from the beginning? That nothing I tell my therapist she pays for, is the whole truth. That my anger was just redirected, not gone. Worse, when I do allow her to kiss me, it's because I imagined she was Evony. Sigh......... the sooner I get there, the faster we can break our connection and I can be honest with the person I should love.

The vines don't seem to appreciate my thoughts, well tough. I had enough people abandon me to know how crappy it feels. Josie does't deserve that. I used to think I would become a superhero with her and the guys. Then win her heart. How silly I was back then. Plus, why would she have chosen me anyway? I had nothing to offer her and still don't really. I may be very grateful to Josie, but I also know she is the best choice for me. The real world did me one great favor and I intend to honor it.

My stop is in three minutes. Then just walk a few blocks and I could be rid of this curse. It has come to my attention, I keep trying to convince myself that I am doing the right thing. If I am honest, I can't seem to attach any real anger to her as well, but I need to do this. It's the right thing to do........................................................................................