Keeping It Together

Chapter 1-3

Cam stopped searching her memories when she heard a key being turned in the lock on the door. A middle-aged woman looked through the window in the door, then opened it and entered. Her short gray hair and her clothing identified her as a nurse or hospital worker.

“How are you feeling this morning, Cameron?” she asked in a warm voice. “Better than yesterday? I’m sorry we had to restrain you again last night, but you were going to hurt yourself…or someone else.”

Cam looked up into the nurse’s face. “Where am I?” she asked.

The nurse frowned and shook her head. “The same place you were yesterday, and the day before…and the days before that. Did you forget again? Did you have another bad night?” She gently, almost lovingly, pushed Cam’s short dark hair back from her face.

Cam watched as the nurse wrapped a blood pressure cuff around her arm. The cuff started to inflate as the nurse began to take the readings.

Cam scowled. Her head felt groggy, like she was waking from a drugged sleep. Why couldn’t she remember what had happened?

“How long have I been here?” she asked.

The nurse gave her a sympathetic smile. “This time?…about six months.”

Six months? This time? What was happening to her?

“Let me call one of the orderlies so you can be unrestrained and go to breakfast. Are you hungry today? Or do we have to feed you again?” the nurse asked as she folded the blood pressure cuff and slipped it into her pocket. She took a walkie-talkie out of another pocket and pressed a button to call someone somewhere. “Joseph? Can you come help me with Cameron? She needs to be released so she can go to breakfast.”

“Be right there, Joyce,” came a man’s friendly voice from the walkie-talkie.

“You’re not going to fight us again today, are you?” the nurse stated, more of an order than a question. “I hate it when we have to sedate you. I know it’s not pleasurable for you. You’d make a lot more progress and remember a lot more if you didn’t fight it all the time. You probably wouldn’t be as violent.”

A tall muscular man walked into the room. His dark hair was held with mousse back off his handsome face. His T-shirt wrapped tightly around him to show his well-formed physique. He must be a weightlifter or bodybuilder when he wasn’t on duty here. He was ripped. Cam thought she recognized him but couldn’t imagine from where.

“G’morning, Cameron,” he said as if he’d known her for ages. “Let’s get you up and I’ll take you to the common room to get something to eat.” He started to unbuckle the bindings. Once undone, he put out his hand to help her. Although she felt a bit dizzy, she was able to sit up. She slid her legs over the side of the bed and looked down at the floor. A pair of well-worn canvas slippers were beside the bed.

“Put your shoes on and let’s get going. Do you need help in the bathroom?” the nurse asked.

Cameron shook her head, surprised that she’d been asked.

“Joseph will wait here until you’re finished,” the nurse told her. “I need to go see to other patients.” With that, she walked out of the room.

Joseph walked over to the other door at the side of the room and opened it. He held it open and waited for Cam.

“I’ll be right here when you’re done. Please don’t take as long as you did yesterday.”

Cameron slid off the bed and slipped her feet into the slippers. They were the right size. She turned and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. She looked at the doorknob. There was no lock on this door.

Looking around the small bathroom, she walked over to the sink. The mirror above it was not glass. It looked like a highly-polished metal and was bolted to the wall. The only other appliance in the room was the toilet. There was no shower or bathtub.

Cam leaned on the sink and looked at herself in the mirror. She didn’t look any different than she remembered. Her short, dark hair seemed to be the same length: none of the gray she’d acquired in South America showed on her roots. Her face didn’t show any signs of aging or stress. What had happened to her? Why was she here? Why don’t I remember these things?

She continually splashed cold water on her face to try and wash away the fog. Several minutes passed before Cam heard a knock on the door.

“Are you all right?” she heard Joseph ask.

“I’ll be out in a minute,” she called as she turned the faucet off and reached for the towel that hung there.

She opened the bathroom door and went out into the bedroom. Joseph held out his hand to guide her out into the hallway.

Cam looked up and down the hall, which was painted the same color as the room she’d been in. There were six or seven other doors along the hallway.

“This way,” he said, pointing to the left. He placed his hand on her shoulder and steered her down the hall to a doorway that opened into a larger room.

“Sit down at this table,” Joseph directed. “I’ll get your breakfast.”

He left her sitting at one of the small tables and walked to a glass window at the other side of the room where a few people were working to prepare food.

Cam looked at the table at which she sat. Its plastic tabletop looked used but was very clean. All the furniture in the whole room looked clean, although definitely used. Cam looked around. There were two other people at other tables, dressed as she was in a light blue, short-sleeved jumpsuit. Two others were walking around the room. They were dressed in white like Joseph.

The room was almost too clean, Cam thought. It looked like it had just been painted. The white on the walls was a soft white, not a glaring white that some places used. The floor looked like it was buffed every night.

Suddenly, a young man, barely in his twenties, quickly slid into the chair opposite her. He seemed nervous, his curly, light brown hair askew around his head. His light blue jumpsuit had food-stains down the front.

“Hey, Cameron, I’m so happy you’re here! I’ve been asking for you but no one would tell me where you were.”

Cam looked into his face. He seemed quite concerned about her.

“They tied you to the bed, didn’t they,” he continued. “I was worried when they dragged you out of here. The nurses tried so hard to get you to stop yelling and throwing things. They didn’t hurt you, did they?” Without waiting for an answer, he continued. “I tried to save the game for you, but the nurses made me put it away,” he continued. “I think I found all the pieces. We can start again today if you want.”

Cam looked around the room. Who was this guy? And how did he know so much about her?

Joseph walked up and slid a tray onto the table in front of her.

“Eddie, Eddie,” he scolded the young man. “Cameron will be back here after her session with Dr. Feingold. Let her eat her breakfast, then you both have a group session. Don’t you have an appointment with Dr. Morris this morning, too?”

Eddie looked up into Joseph’s face, then back at Cam. “We’ll play the game this afternoon. Okay? We’ll have so much fun in group today!” He got up as another orderly walked over. Guiding him by the arm, he led Eddie out of the room.

“Eddie’s been so worried that you weren’t coming back. We tried to tell him you were still here, but he wouldn’t believe us. He’s quite attached to you.”

“I don’t know who he is,” Cam stated as she started to eat the scrambled eggs on the paper plate in front of her.

“That’s okay. You’ll remember,” Joseph assured her. “Did you remember that you have a group session at nine, and then an appointment with Dr. Feingold at ten? Eat up.”

Cam didn’t know who Dr. Feingold was either, but the name seemed familiar. Where did she know it from? Some things she seemed to remember…Joseph’s face, the name Feingold…She looked around the room. The large clock over the glass windows near what looked like the nurses’ office read 8:45.

Cam looked at her plate. The food looked good but her stomach seemed full already.

She frowned. When had she eaten last? Suddenly the thought of eating threatened to make her nauseous. She put her plastic fork back on her plate.

She looked at the people at the other tables. One was eating hungrily, the other sat at the table staring into space, her food ignored. The nurses or orderlies were watching everyone closely.

“Eat up, Cameron. You need the nutrition.” Cam looked up into the nurse’s face. “You know it always gets worse when you don’t eat.” Joyce was standing behind her.

“I’m not hungry,” Cam told her.

Joseph walked up to her. “She did eat a mouthful, Joyce,” he told the nurse. “You know what happens when you try to force her.”

“Well, she’s got to eat more today or we’ll have to feed her by an IV drip tonight.” Joyce turned and walked away.

“You heard her, Cameron. If I were you, I’d eat a little more.” Joseph looked down and pointed to her plate.

Cam picked up her plastic fork and put another bite of rubbery, over-salted scrambled egg into her mouth.