Hey 3.AM
370 Words
Sup old friend, it's been awhile since we last talked. Never thought I would still be up, but lately that hasn't been surprising. My mind is an endless maze that me, nor you, have been able to solve. Damn anxiety got a hold of me while depression got its hands around my throat.
Feeling so cold it hurts to breathe. Shaking to the point my heart stops beating. Questions and doubts about myself arise to the surface. How can someone have so much hate and yet so much love for themselves? f**k it's amazing how I still have tears when I cry. You think by now I'll be empty. Damn, anxiety has me on the ground while depression took a shot.
Feeling so selfish if I asked to get some room to breathe, for everyone to give me a moment because they're not the only ones reaching their breaking point. Feeling like I'm letting everyone down , failing them in every way when I pull myself away so they can feel what they need. Feeling the flames turning blue. Damn anxiety has me so numb while depression is pulling me under the water.
You and the night sky know all the things I've kept to myself so locked away. Heard all the things I've saved for when I'm alone. Heard my screams and, countless times, I whispered, "It's all going to be okay, you're alright." Watched me clean myself up even though I didn't melt! Damn anxiety making me puke while depression took over the music.
Seeing me punch holes in the mirrors to hide all the things I hate about myself. Threw everything at the light so I didn't have to see everyone keeping track of all the things everyone did wrong, keeping track on how many times they f****d up or hurt each other because it's too much to see how different I truly am. How many times did they hear me lie when I said, "No, it's from something else" when they saw the blood-shot eyes and mascara-stained cheeks? Damn, anxiety has me on my toes while depression wishes I was dead!
Hey three a.m, am I wrong for saying the best company isn't when you're alone?
- Writer
