GOOD WIFE OR BETTER MISTRESS

Can he ever be mine only

At gabby's place I wake to the wee hours of the morning in search of my alexandro, only to find his side of my bed cold. I bolt upright and spot one if his signature notes on my nightstand. I'm ashamed to say I'm not the least bit surprised. I take the note and read it aloud.

Ana I'm sorry for leaving, but I had a early breakfast meeting I couldn't miss. Please try not to hate me too much. As always I love you more then you could imagine. Can't wait until tonight Happy anniversary. I stare at the note, feeling as if I've read these words before. With a heavy sigh I unwrap myself from my sheets and head into the shower. As the warm water washes over me, it rinses away the night before. Leaving me with nothing but the memories of the intimacy my alexandro and I shared.

In the beginning it was almost frightening to feel the way I felt for him, my body called for him as his did for me and no matter how hard we fought our feelings it was pointless in the end. I wish I could say everything is perfect, but it's not. After a year of being with him, I honestly don't know where our relationship is headed. I finish my shower, not wanting to dwell on the always present feeling of dread I have thinking of alexandro and our future together, or lack there of.

As I dress I can't help but come to the realization that alexandro has brought me everything I have on. From my diamond earrings to my heels, it's all from alexandro. He insists on buying me these things I couldn't care less about. The one gift I've cherished above all the others is my charm bracelet. Not only is it the first gift he ever gave me, but each charm represents a special moment for us. Whenever I feel uncertain about my relationship with alexandro and wanted to call it quits, this charm bracelet and a good night of crying has got me through it.

Looking at the time I realize I should be halfway to work by now. I grab my car keys and head out the door. I'm glad I don't live too far from work or I would definitely be late. As I walk through the lobby, Laurie is by my side within seconds. "gabby, I've been calling you all night." I vaguely remember hearing my phone ringing, but that was around the time alex had me on the brink of my third orgasm. "Really?" I continue to walk and Laurie follows. "Yes really. I've found the perfect guy for you." Not this again. Everyone I know feels the need to try and set me up. "Thank you Laurie, but no thank you." "Come on gabby, you have to date someone eventually." If she only knew. "Laurie I really need to get to work."

Taking my hint she turns on her heels and leaves. I start working and read manuscript after manuscript, drowning myself in the written word. If I had to read a manuscript about my life, I can't say I would want to read it at all. I wouldn't find it romantic, I would find it sad and truly embarrassing. I'm broken from my pity party by the ping of my email. Luckily for me It's just karen asking if I wanted to grab dinner tonight. If I didn't have plans with alex, I would jump at the chance to have karen all to myself for a couple of hours. Between being a nicola ramona's pa, she doesn't have time to just hang out and I completely understand. I type her a quick reply telling her maybe we can reschedule. She doesn't reply back and I know she's probably hurt.

I tried to distance myself from karen just in case the ramona's ever found out about alexandro and I. If karen ever knew the truth, I don't doubt that she will ever talk to me ever again.she will feel like i have been using her. Hell, I'm ashamed of my situation. So much so that I refuse to acknowledge that I've ever met him to any of my colleagues and friends. I know what you're thinking; if you feel this way, why are you with him? I've asked myself the same question over the past year.

So tonight will be our last night together. I can't go another day being his dirty little secret, I think a year is long enough. I know I'm far from being prepared to leave Jamie, but it has to be done. I could go on about how much I love him or how much he loves me, but it won't matter. The reality of the situation is I'm young and fell for a married man. So much so that I gave him my virginity, purely on the grounds that I felt a overwhelming spark between us that pulled me to him. Now I yearn for something I could never have because he belongs to someone else.

Of course alexandro doesn't see it that way. He claims he isn't happy in his marriage and hasn't been for some time. He says things like we're soul mates and I'll never know how much I mean to him, and yet he still goes home to his wife. My phone rings and I quickly wipe away a lone tear before I answer. "

"Hello gorgeous.

His voice alone sends my hormones into a frenzy.

"Hi." My depression has found its way into my voice and I know he hears it.

"gabby, are you ok?" s**t. Curse him for knowing me so well. "

Yeah, I'm fine." I don't sound at all convincing.

"Ok. I just wanted to let you know you have a few surprises waiting for you once you leave work." I smile despite my mood. "Of course I do." A giggle erupts out of me. alexandro is the king of surprises.

"I guess I'll see you later." "Okay." We both stay on the line. "I love you gabby, you do know that don't you?" It's so heartfelt, it's almost as if he knows the end is near. "I love you to alex." We end our call and I feel the pressing need to cry. I don't doubt for a second that he loves me, I just refuse to spend the rest of my life in love with a man that's committed to someone else. He always jokes that maybe if we would have met a year earlier, he would be married to me. Well we didn't met a year earlier, so dwelling on the could of, would of, should of is a waste of time.

Around five I head to my car, mentally preparing myself for a night of heartbreak. The closer I get I notice something in my back seat. I roll my eyes knowing full and well alex has everything to do with this. As I drive home I wonder what extravagant gift he has bought me. i told him not to buy me expensive things is pointless. Sometimes I think he feels guilty so he tries to make me happy with some piece of jewelry or clothing. What he doesn't seem to understand is that none of it matters to me, All I want is him. It sounds so simple yet so far fetched I have a inner battle with myself. A part of me wants to keep my relationship with him going. The other part of me knows that I should have never started anything with him to begin with.

Overwhelmed by my emotions, I sit in my sea of flowers and open the boxes that were in my car. In the bigger box I find a navy blue sleeveless Tom Ford dress with a plunging neckline. In the next box is a pair of navy blue Christian Louboutins. I take time to admire both the dress and the shoes before I send him a text. *I love my gifts.* His response is almost immediately. *Glad you like them. The best is yet to come. Pick you up at 6:30.* I look at my watch and it's already 5:30. I run to the shower, stripping my clothes as I go. After a quick wash, I'm dressed and applying my makeup. I only apply the usual mascara, eyeliner and lipstick. But with every move I make, I can't help but think this is the last time I'll ever do this for a date with him. This dress and shoes are the last gift he'll ever give me and no matter how many times I tell myself it's for the best, it still hurts.