I Didn't Want to Love You

Chapter 2

The rest of the day is uneventful. Nothing is the same since I spoke with Alexander though. Something changed in me. I realised how disadvantaged my position is because of how that British devil talked and I hated him so much.

I am chained here, to the bakery. I am dependent on the wheelchair as much as my father and hospital bills are cramping my back. I managed to get the bakery to earn more, and bought us a bigger car to meet my dad's needs. We are earning more but I have to work harder. I try to save as much as I can so I don't have to go to the bank for a loan if we need anything. But I am only twenty-five and have never had a chance to live my life. People my age are dating, getting married, graduating from college, having kids, and travelling the world. And I am stuck in this bakery. I love my dad, he is the light of my life but... I can't turn my back on him.

Regardless, I say no to Alexander. "I neither want nor need to get married. Thank you for the offer, I'll say no."

He kindly nodded to me, "I am sorry, I understand this is not a matter to blurt out like that." And then asked for forgiveness for bothering me and left. Overall, he was kind and respectful, so I don't mind it.

Employees arrive and I feel better knowing that I got rid of Alexander. I don't know when will the Colonel come but I don't want to deal with him without my dad here. I wait anxiously, and check the door everytime I hear the bell ring. And just as I was about to call my dad to see how he's doing, he calls me.

"Hi, dad! I was about to-"

"Amy," he says, half crying.

"Dad? What's wrong?"

"I don't know, something happened. They are taking her to the operation room-"

I feel a heavy pain in my stomach, and i feel my limbs going numb. "I'll be there." I hang up and leave the bakery. I have no idea how I drive. I pass some red lights, I hear people yelling after me but I just drive. I may not be able to do anything for mom, but dad needs support.

I arrive there and find my dad on the corridor. We hug in silence, he cries to my hair and whispers, "I don't want her to die, God, please let me have her again." I sit on the chair next to his wheelchair, hold his hands. I know it will be impossible to bring him back if we lose her. I feel weak, unable to solve this problem and bring her back with us, not lying in a hospital bed unconscious but in our home, standing and smiling. When was the last time she opened the door for me? I think it was Thanksgiving, when I came back for the break. Dad came to pick me up from the airport, she was preparing a feast for the whole family and she opened the door for us, telling me that I lost weight and I must eat as much as I can. I cry silently, gulping and holding back tears. I need to be tough, I need to hold my dad. He needs me as an anchor to hold on.

Moments pass, doctors and nurses come and go. They tell us what happened to her but I only care that she lives and they don't know anything about that. "We are doing everything we can." Translation; we don't know if what we are doing is going to be enough.

While waiting, I see our relatives coming. My uncles, their wives, cousins and grandparents of both sides. We cry together, and wait for the operation to end. People come and go. Some relatives leave. Grandparents are in pain and they need to be taken back home. I feel nothing and hear nothing, focused on the doors opening to the operation room. There are tears rolling down my cheek, silently. I don't bother wiping them anymore.

"Amy," my dad says, touching my arm. I quickly wipe my tears and turn to him and to my surprise, I see the Colonel.

"Amelia, I am deeply sorry for what happened. I am here for anything your family needs." He speaks with such certainty and authority, yet the sincerity of his words are sensible. I kindly thank him and compliment his kindness. However, I keep the fact that he wants me to marry his son in my mind. I feel relieved that no one would ask me about marriage in this climate. Until I see Alexander approaching us.

When he approaches enough to make an eye contact, I turn my head to avoid him and hide my uncomfortableness with him being here. But our dads don't know that we met, and I have no intention to reveal that.

They start talking but I only look at the doors, waiting for anyone to come out or anything to happen. I don't want anything else to share my focus.

"This is my son, Alexander," the Colonel says, very obvious that he is trying to get my attention. I turn to Alexander, shake his hand and tell him my name.

"I am sorry we had to meet under these circumstances," he says, joining the scheme. I nod and sit on the chair, giving the doors my undivided attention again. I certainly would not care less about anyone's son while wondering if my mom died.

The Colonel takes my dad away to talk, I can see Alexander listening to whatever his dad says almost whispering before leaving. He sits next to me, I don't care about him. I know what his dad is planning, leaving his son to comfort the girl with comateuse mom. But I am glad Alexander is not doing any comforting. He just sits there, playing with his fingers on his lap. I somehow find this better than anything. With no one but him around, I finally let my tears run freely and make small noises while crying. He hands me a tissue that I grab finally turning away from the door.

I see nothing, my eyes are drowning. I wipe them with the tissue, and then blow my nose loudly. He hands me another one, I take that one and blow my nose again. He hands me another one and I keep that one in my hands.

"I think she will die," I say silently, all of a sudden.