Falling Again

14

*Present*

Hearing her alarm sound, Charlotte opened her eyes having mild fever and cold. She doesn’t want to wake up so she dozed off again turning off the alarm. But then something knocked on the door to her thoughts. 

Yesterday, their conversation and his confession came back to her head. She opened her eyes not able to escape from it and huffed in defeat. Charlotte doesn’t know why she cried like that, what gotten into her that time.

You know you’re still not that teenager then why you’re acting like one, she scowled at herself, placing her hand on her forehead. 

The ambiance is still dark and tranquil. It’s just six in the morning, so Charlotte decided to sleep for some more time. But she couldn’t in regrets for crying like that. 

In the past years, she didn’t cry much, she thought herself as a strong person but now she has cried and that too in front of Jaxson. Because of that, now Charlotte’s thinking herself as weak. But she’s doesn’t know even a strong person has a breaking point at some point in their life. They will have a weakness over for something or for someone and for Charlotte, it’s Jaxson and their past relationship.

For all her life, she lived so normally. But at the time she dated Jaxson, it was such a hard time in her life and the only person who gave comfort is Jaxson. She loved him so much, even it is just a short time she couldn’t forget anything she shared with him. Maybe that’s why she’s vulnerable in front of him.

She greatly believed that they will always be together but how fast they have grown closer that fast they got separated. If she has broken up because of misunderstandings or something which is only because of them then Charlotte wouldn’t feel so bad about it. But she broke up for her family, for Jaxson’s future and for the loss she had. 

Truthfully, she didn’t properly break up with him, the heart which she gave to Jaxson has never returned, he kept to himself and she always carried his thoughts to everywhere she goes. So from that day, she’s feeling like there’s missing in her. 

And when Jaxson asked to get back together, she can’t help but feel anxious over it and she cried because they have been far away to the point where they could reconcile back.

Slowly she got up from her bed and went to the bathroom to finish off her morning chores. She looked pale and sad when she gazed herself in the mirror. To her dismay, she only had medicines for fever, she didn’t have anything for her cold. 

Feeling so terrible about her current state, Charlotte came out of her room and walked to the kitchen to make tea for her. 

She poured some hot water from the kettle and put a tea bag into it. Her eyes and nose were burning and she badly needs medicine now. She decided to go to the doctor and got up from her seat.

That time, her calling bell rang. She knew who it is, Jaxson or maybe Noah. She made her way towards the door and opened it to find Jaxson, Noah wasn’t there with him.

It’s quite hard for Charlotte to look him in the eyes and Jaxson can understand that apparently. Her nose and eyes told him that she's not well today which something he expected.

He stood in her doorstep itself and she didn’t ask him to come inside either.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yes, I am okay,” she replied right away.

“Noah? Is he still sleeping yet?” she asked.

“Yes, he is,” Jaxson told.

Then why did he came here at this time? Charlotte wondered. Like giving her an answer, Jaxson reached out his hand, a Lunch Bag.

“I bought you soup and medicines,” he told and gave it to her even though she’s reluctant to accept it.

“I usually have this. It works really fast, and after taking this have some rest. Today I will look after Noah,” he said and Charlotte just stared at him unable to say anything.

She’s surprised to know that he still remembers everything about her, especially she will get cold if she gets soaked in the rain and mainly he still cares for her even after seeing the way she acted yesterday. 

“Charlotte, about yesterday. I am sorry, I have… crossed my limits. I can understand what do you want and I respect it. You know, things which come out of compulsion will never last long,” he said indirectly mentioning about their relationship, in which, he somewhat compelled her to say yes because he strongly felt he doesn’t want to lose for anything and even now. She means so much to him and when it becomes like they don’t have any relationship to each other, how it will feel like? 

He’s too frustrated to think that he can never get back to Charlotte.

Yesterday she has totally destroyed all his hopes and Jaxson has come to his end that he cannot compel her for his happiness.

Charlotte didn’t reply and she looked down feeling so sad about this entire thing. 

“I won’t hurt you again and I won’t disturb you,” saying that he walked away.

Charlotte watched him going to his house. I am sorry too, Jaxson. I am really sorry for hurting your feelings, she thought.

She went back to the house and had soup and medicine. Feeling so sleepy, Charlotte again went back to her room and slept forgetting the rest of the world. 

.

.

.

“Mommy, mommy,” Noah rocked her shoulders and Charlotte opened her eyes after an hour-long nap.

“Baby?” she got up.

“Did you had your breakfast?” she asked.

“Yes, I had,” he answered.

“And h-how you’re feeling now Mommy?” he asked her.

“I am fine, baby,” she assured nuzzling his hair. “Dad gave me medicines and after having that I feel fine now,” she smiled.

“Great,” he smiled too.

“You got ready?” she asked noticing that he has dressed up neatly.

“Yup, I am going out to get my new clothes. I am so excited, Mommy,”

“Oh, okay. Be a good boy there and don’t go anywhere without dad, okay,” she said and he agreed, nodding his head.

“Where’s your dad?” Charlotte asked after a brief moment.

“He’s standing outside,” hearing that Charlotte felt that she wanted to go and say thanks but she felt too awkward to do that.

“Okay,” she nodded.

“B-bye mommy,” he told kissing her cheeks and got up from the bed.

“Bye and have a nice day,” Charlotte replied.

She watched them leaving in Jaxson’s car, and then she went to take a hot bath so that she will feel somewhat better and it actually worked. She came out feeling better and changed into some comfortable clothes before going to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for her.

She made simple oats porridge with loads of pepper. After having that she went to clean the house. 

Then the day passed as she starts to work, she found Jaxson’s name in the guest lists. She made the seating orders and mailed it to her manager. After completing all her work she noticed the time is 3.00 pm in the evening. 

She came out of the house and looked at the warm sun glowing upon the sky. She stood under the warmth with a smile. Her stomach growled in hunger but she’s too lazy to go to the kitchen after a tiring day. Always after a fever, we will crave something spicy like that she really wanted to eat something tasty right now. So Charlotte decided to order food today.

That time, Jaxson's car arrived. Noah got down with a big smile, carrying a package. She looked at Jaxson hoping he will come inside so that she can thank him but he just left for his house.

“Mommy, did you had your lunch?” Noah got her attention and she nodded no. 

“Then have this pasta, dad bought this for you,” he told and walked inside the house carrying it.

Charlotte smiled and followed him.

“Where are the clothes?” Charlotte questioned.

“Dad took those to his house. I will get ready with him tomorrow.”

“Then how I will see it?” Charlotte asked and opened the food bowl. The smell made her mouth watery.

“You will see me in the party,” he replied and there Charlotte noticed that in the past two sentences he isn’t stuttering at all. 

“Okay, fine,” she smiled and had that pasta which is so good.

“Did dad said anything?” Charlotte suddenly asked.

“Dad? About w-what?” Noah questioned.

“About me?” Charlotte awkwardly asked.

“No, we didn’t talk anything about you,” Noah replied which made her slightly disappointed.

“Oh,” Charlotte continued to eat.

Then in the evening, Charlotte came to the balcony like she’s not purposely coming out to see Jaxson.

She looked around before stumbling her eyes on Jaxson's room. Like ignoring her totally, he closed all the curtains of his wall. She felt bad to see that.

But she thought this is what I did days back so he might have felt the same way that I am feeling now. You need this, Charlotte. You need more than this.

She walked dejected and went inside. Jaxson was in his room, resisting so hard to not to open it until she wants it. 

He’s been doing this ever since they started their relationship, he always wishes Charlotte to make a step in their relationship, he wanted hear that she needs him, but she haven’t said it before or maybe never going to say it in the future too, he thought and laid back on the bed.

When are you going to understand me, Charlotte? He thought and heaved a sigh.

The next day, Charlotte got up early since she has to be there in the hotel by 9.00 am in the morning. She got ready in her uniform and tied her hair in a neat bun. Applying light makeup she went to wake up Noah.

She made breakfast, and after eating it hurriedly with Noah. They both came out of the house and went to Jaxson’s house to leave Noah there.

“Baby, if you see me at the party. Don’t get too excited and just pretend like you don’t know me,” Charlotte said.

“But w-why, mommy?” he asked.

“Because, mommy will feel shy when everyone knows that Jaxson is your dad, do you understand what I mean?” she asked. She feels bad to talk like this with her little boy but she thought he has to know her situation and wondered whether he understood her.

“Okay, mommy. I-I can understand. Don’t worry, if I want to say anything then I come closer and t-tell you,” he answered positively.

“Thank you so much, baby. You’re the best person I have ever seen in my life,” she pinched his cheeks and kissed him.

She pressed the calling bell and Jaxson opened it a few moments later. He just glanced at her and turned to Noah. 

“Come inside, buddy,” Jaxson welcomed him with a smile.

“Jaxson?” she called him and he turned his eyes to her.

“How do you feel today?” he asked in concern before she could thank him.

“I am fine, Jaxson, and thanks for yesterday,” she replied.

“That’s fine,” he told without having any expression on his face. Her face instantly becomes sad to see his cold shoulder. He not even waited for her to speak anything and closed the door on her face.

Charlotte walked after getting that humiliation, she didn’t get angry but instead felt that she’s getting her lessons because she has treated him in the same way before. 

She drove the car to the hotel and tried to not think about this while she works. Her work got ended in the evening and she called Jaxson to make sure whether Noah has eaten anything, is he got ready, and so on.

By adding fuel to her sadness, Jaxson didn’t attend her call, instead, Noah did. He said that he had a great lunch and getting ready for the party.

It’s been seven years since they broke up but why I still behaving like I am in love with him? Charlotte stumbled back on her seat feeling so tired and confused.

Meanwhile, Jaxson and Noah got ready in their black Armani suit and styled their hair similarly. There are one hundred plus traits were similar between them to say that they were father and son. It’s just going to be a few weeks since he found out that Noah is his son and Jaxson has grown too close with him. 

He just adores everything he does and he can’t help but feel happy to know the fact that he has someone who he can call as a family now. Jaxson wanted to spend the rest of his life with his son even if he doesn’t get a chance to be with Charlotte. But he desperately earns for it, earns to be with Charlotte. She is someone who took his heart and carved her memories deeply on his brain which he couldn’t erase at all and become a part of his life.

Maybe his wish might be so big to ask for but he needed her in his life. Professionally he has defeated so many players but he doesn’t know why it is so hard to conquer her even though he has all the reasons to win. This is really a mind wrecking game of life. 

Although they got all the reasons to be a perfect couple to get their happily ever after, Charlotte was always put in a situation to abandon Jaxson. 

The magic to hold her eternal love with Jaxson is only to have a little courage to make a clear decision that she wants to be with him. 

Charlotte partly wants him back but whether she will become a burden in his life made her step back from that decision. And when he told her that he needs her back made her even more anxious than happiness.

She can easily say yes to him but when something bad happens in his life because of her then she can never be happy. 

How can she say this to him? How can she make him understand her? So Charlotte decided to stay stubborn like this. She hates it but she has no other option until she figures out what she wants.