Falling Again

11

*Past*

It was a normal day in October. The weather is getting colder these days so Charlotte used to wear thick clothes to protect herself from the cold. There's also something that she needs to protect is her heart which becomes too vulnerable whenever she's with Jaxson. She doesn't know why she's feeling like this only with him, she had never felt this way before and it scares her whether she will end up turning her life into a mess. With this thought she went to her class, Jaxson wasn't there on his seat and Charlotte sighed under her breath in relief.

It's going to be a month since they become friends and in this one month, she felt so happy to be with him. He's such a sweet person that she ever know in her life, spending time with him is something that she loves these days, he has a nice sense of humour and she smiles a lot for all his funny jokes.

But then something gradually started changing in her, it's not something simple, it's hard to understand, hard to accept and hard to express. Whenever he smiled at her, Charlotte's heart start to pounds crazily to see that. Her breathing becomes uneven when he's far away or rapid when he's close to her. And she couldn't look him in eyes after that.

How can she be friends with him having these weird feelings? She can't end this precious friendship yet she can't stand with him too. So nowadays she avoids being near him. Telling excuses she leaves school earlier.

Till now Jaxson didn't ask her why she's acting this way. If he does then she can't lie. Charlotte never speak lies and always been honest but how she's going to lie about her feelings is what made her dizzy.

Heaving a sigh, Charlotte turned her attention to the entrance of their class when she felt someone's entering. It's their biology teacher, and as soon as he noticed Charlotte he smiled pleasantly at her.

"Good morning," he said and Charlotte greeted good morning and others just mumbled.

The class started as usual but Charlotte couldn't feel the enthusiasm in her. The seat behind her is empty? In this past one month Jaxson never skipped school, today is the first time he's absent. Charlotte couldn't calm her thinking or her worrying heart.

What happened?

Is he had any fever? Why he didn't call me then? Or is he angry at me for avoiding him?

Like this, she thought about so many things and she didn't concentrate anything on the lecture. When her teacher asked a question no one answered so he pointed Charlotte.

"Charlotte?" He called her name and she came out of her thoughts.

"What?" She asked.

"Do you know the answer?" He asked.

"Sorry, I didn't listen, sir," she replied nodding so sad.

"What happened to you? Better focus on the subject, Charlotte," he advised and Charlotte shook her head slightly.

"Okay, everybody listen here," he continues the class but Charlotte couldn't concentrate anymore. There's something bothering her in Jaxson's absence. Indeed his thoughts were bothering her and she really misses him now.

Yesterday when she left him alone, she didn't feel this way but if he's not there when she come back it hurting her, terribly.

After the class ended, Charlotte decided to go to the library since she felt so boring to sit in the class. Her face is totally gloomy, she felt like something has lost from her.

Once she entered the library, she felt something strange. She made her way towards the place where she usually sits and to her surprise she saw Jaxson was sleeping there, resting his head on the desk.

She smiled and her heart throbbed in excitement. She moved there and sat beside him without saying hi. She saw him sleeping soundly and she doesn't have the heart to disturb it.

In his presence, she got happy, safe and enthusiastic which she didn't feel at all since morning.

Jaxson slowly opened his eyes when he felt someone's presence beside him and when he found it is Charlotte his face lit up with the brightest smile.

"Charlotte?" He uttered her name in the same surprise.

"Why you didn't come to the class? I... wondered what happened to you," she said in her low voice and examined his bruised face.

"I want to come, but I am so tired of all the practices," he replied.

"At least, you would have told me... " She cut off there before saying anything that might embarrass her.

"Okay, I will tell you, hereafter," he smirked. But Charlotte felt that's stupid, it's not necessary to say those things when they are just friends. He can do whatever he wants without telling her.

"No, that's not what I meant to say. It's..." This time Jaxson stopped her.

"Wait, don't say anything. Just continue what you want to do and I want to sleep sometime," Jaxson smiled and Charlotte's heart raced by that sweet smile. 

She nodded and took her books from the bag, Jaxson lost his sleep and watched her rest of the time. He never gets bored to do these things, in fact, it turned to be his favourite thing to do. Unlike Charlotte, Jaxson is so clear that his feelings for her were not just for a friend. It's more than that but he's not sure whether it is love and he wants to convey his feelings to her when the right time comes until then he decides to stay calm and admire her like this.

Frankly, at first, Charlotte thought Jaxson will be poor in academics but he's actually great, he got good marks in all the tests which kind of surprised Charlotte and he's totally her type of person. He got brains and also an athlete which is admirable.

Then after some time, Jaxson turned his attention on her,

"Hey, I will buy you dinner today. What do you want?" Jaxson asked her all of a sudden and she knotted her eyebrows in confusion.

"Why you want to buy me dinner all of a sudden?" she asked adjusting her glasses.

"Because last week you shared your lunch and bought food for me so today I want to buy you something. What do you want, tell me?" Jaxson smile.

"It's okay, Jaxson. There's no need," Charlotte brush it off because it feels like he's repaying her which she doesn't like.

"Please, Charlotte. You have to. Let's go the burger king near the park," He pleased her and Charlotte reluctantly agreed to go with him and afternoon there are no classes at all.

Then the rest of the day passed as usual. Jaxson accompanied her in all the classes.

Then in the evening, they both came out of the school crossing a few of their classmate's stares.

Almost every people in her class have asked Charlotte whether she's dating him and she has absolutely denied it telling that he's just her friend. Some believed her and some not because of Jaxson's cold attitude towards others. This made her feel sad but, Charlotte doesn't want to lose this friendship for anyone just because what others think about them.

It's embarrassing to walk with him, she has never been a centre of attention in her entire life but now she's in the state because of her newfound friendship.

But who cares, I am not living for others, Charlotte thought and smiled while coming out of the school.

They walked in the mildly empty streets, at first they both were silent. During the past days they didn't talk much because of the tests and all, today they are free and they both have a lot more to say.

The weather is so good, walking along with his bicycle, Jaxson turned to see Charlotte silently trailing with him. Eventually, his lips stretched in a smile and he inhaled to calm his uncontrollable heart.

"Talk something, why you're so silent today?" Jaxson said.

"Uh... Yes. How's your practice going on?" She asked and he smiled.

"It's going well, I still have to practise a lot," he said.

"Great! You'll definitely win, Jaxson," she smiled and Jaxson said, "thanks,"

"Are you free this weekend?"  Jaxson asked.

"Weekend, I told you right, I have my part-time job in the bookstore," Charlotte replied, "but why?"

"My provincial match is scheduled on Sunday, so that's why I am asking you," he said and his face becomes gloomy to know that Charlotte can't make it on that day.

"Oh, okay, I will come. I think my work will end soon," she assured. She's going to skip her work so that she can go there. Charlotte really wanted to cheer him up as a friend.

"Deal?" He asked and Charlotte smiled before saying, "deal"

"Fine, I will give you the address tomorrow," he told.

"Okay," Charlotte nodded and walked silently. Then she asked, "your mom and dad are coming right?" She asked.

"No,"

"Why?"

"My dad said he wants to hang out with his friends, and I didn't invite my mom. Even if I do she won't come," he replied trying so hard to hide his sadness and Charlotte felt sorry for him.

"Do you have any other siblings?" She asked.

"Yes, I have a half-sister," he answered and they came to the burger king. He bought Charlotte's favourite hamburger in two so that he can taste the food she likes.

"Let's go inside the park," he told parking his bike before the park and Charlotte walked along with him.

"This smells good,"

"Yeah, it will taste so good. My dad used to buy me this every weekend," Charlotte said.

They went and occupied the bench, where they first met. They both reminded about that encounter yet they didn't talk about it because it's kind of embarrassing to recall the incident.

Munching the burger, Jaxson said, "If I win in this match, then I will buy you something costly,"

"It's okay, I love this more than any other costly places," Charlotte answered. He's trying to get closer to her and it's apparently intimidating Charlotte. She's afraid whether this good friendship will not going to last long as she wanted.

"If you don't mind, can I know when your parents got separated?" Charlotte asked.

"My parents officially got divorced last year, but they were living separately since I was in middle school."

"It must have been hard on you?" Charlotte worried.

"Yes, at first I pleaded them to reconcile but my mom utterly refused. The mistake is all on my dad, he's an unsympathetic and abusive person and my mom started having an affair with one of his friends. She left my dad when she found out that she's pregnant with my half-sister. My dad refused to give divorce because he's too angry on her."

"I cried a lot but then I eventually accepted my reality. Initially, I stayed with my mom then after she gave birth to her child I came to live with my dad on my own. She didn't want me either," he clenched his jaw after telling that to stop himself from breaking down.

"Then I totally stopped seeing her after we had a fight about my boxing interest. She hates my choice so I am staying out of her way."

Charlotte doesn't know why she did this, she held his hand and said, "You will become successful one day and prove her that she's wrong,"

"I hope so," Jaxson smiled.

"My father also doesn't like boxing, but he didn't stop me like my mom."

"Once I finish high school, I am going to move out to the city and my dad said that he will support me and I hope I will be happy after that," Jaxson sighed imagining his future.

Hearing his entire story, Charlotte thought he has suffered a lot more than her. Her life has changed just a year before when her father's business failed and her mom found about her cancer, but he's been hurt since his middle school. She can feel how hard for him to have divorced parents and he greatly resents his mother.

Charlotte munched the burger thinking about all these things.

"Tell me about you, do you have any siblings?" Jaxson questioned.

"No, I am the only child to my parents," she answered.

"Oh," he said.

"But I really wish to have a brother, you know," she smiled and finished eating the burger.

"Shall we leave?" She asked.

"Why?"

"Because I want to finish off the assignments," Charlotte answered and Jaxson rolled his eyes.

"Ah... Why you're like this, you will get the best mark, don't worry. Let's sit for some time," he requested and Charlotte agreed.

They sat there and watched the sunset, "Actually my father had a loss in his business and my mom is having cancer. My family is financially struggling right now so I really wanted to support them. I have to get a scholarship to pursue my degree so that's why I am studying," she said her story. She never told this to anyone and with him, she wanted to share everything.

"Don't worry, you will be successful one day and make your parents proud," he patted her shoulders and made her smile.

"Thanks, and you too. Let's be successful in the future." Charlotte huffed.

After a long silence, Jaxson said, "do you remember our first meeting here?"

"Yes," she nodded awkwardly.

"Do you want to know what I thought about you?" Charlotte looked at him wanting to know that.

"The look in your eyes told me that you're sad because I was sad at that time. You greatly got my attention and when I saw you in the class. I had this strange feeling to know about you, Charlotte," he blurted out.

After a brief moment of silence, Charlotte said, "Actually, I felt the same,"

Jaxson stared at her intently and the ambience turned odd. "Let's go home," she said and he nodded.

Charlotte got up from her seat and took a few steps.

"Charlotte," Jaxson stopped her and out of nowhere he pulled her close to him and kissed her cheeks.

"Jaxson!" She exclaimed and looked at him asking for an explanation.

"I just wanted to do this, Charlotte. I like you," he confessed staring at her eyes. He didn't apologize for what he did.

She doesn't know what to say. "Please, Jaxson. Let's not spoil our friendship," she said having something else in her heart. She badly wanted to confess that she like him too but she couldn't in that confused state.

"Yeah, I don't want to spoil our friendship, but I can't you these feelings. You don't have to tell me now, you take your time and tell me whether you like me," he said and Charlotte didn't reply for that.

Then without talking to each other, they came out of the park.

When Jaxson didn't go in his separate way, Charlotte told him, "please go, I can go by myself,"

"No, I will walk to your home," he insisted. She doesn't want to scold him or talk anything that might upset him so she let him walk along with her.

They didn't speak anything, only the silence followed them until they reached Charlotte's apartment building.

She paused and looked at his handsome face and his small smile.

"It's okay if you don't like me don't have that face. Good night. See you tomorrow," he said and walked away.

Charlotte turned and walked towards the entrance but her irresistible affection on him doesn't want to end this like this. She really wanted to say that she likes him and now itself. The urge pulled her back.

Once she took a step forward, eventually her legs started running without her control.

"Jaxson!" She shouted and saw him riding his bike. He almost reached the end of the street.

Charlotte ran towards him and shouted his name again. This time he heard her. Without thinking anything, she ran to him and Jaxson was surprised to see her.

After a breathless run, she stood in front of him gasping for the oxygen. They both were standing at the end of that street, under the mild yellow street light.

"Why? What happened?" He uttered in astonishment and came closer.

She looked at his face and the next moment she hugged him because she can't control it anymore.

Jaxson didn't say anything and he smiled by her sudden gesture. He really wanted to know what happened to her.

She pulled out from the hug when she heart his throbbing heart. Now she understood that he's also having the same kind of emotions that she's feeling for him and Charlotte smiled in happiness.

"Charlotte?" Jaxson called her name softly. She started to sweat in nervousness and also for running like that. She tries to look him in his eyes before confessing but she couldn't.

"I like you, Jaxson. I liked you since the first time I saw you. I don't know how to tell you this because I thought you won't like me in that way but after hearing from you, I can't stop myself."

"I am really sorry about it but I really like you, and that's the truth," she confessed looking down and then raised her gaze to see his face which is greatly astonished to hear that.

They both looked at each other for a few moments.

"Will you be my girlfriend, Charlotte?" Jaxson asked.

"Uh?" Charlotte raised her eyebrows.

"You like me right?" "Why can't we date?" He asked.

Charlotte bites her lower lip, "you know our situation, Jaxson. Then how can we?" She asked.

"Why not? Bad time comes in everyone's life and now we are in that, but that doesn't mean we can't choose what we want. This relationship is for us, Charlotte. If you want to be with me, just say yes and I won't hurt you," Jaxson said what he felt but Charlotte hesitated.

"What do you say?" He asked her again.

Grabbing all her courage, Charlotte nodded her head, "Okay," because she doesn't want to say anything except this.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" He asked again having a fascinating smile.

"Yes, I will be your girlfriend," she answered and smiled looking at him.