Chains Of Feelings

Chapter 3

As the plates were cleared and the wine bottles stood empty, a heavy, contented silence settled over the kitchen. Stepan leaned over and caught Natalie’s hand, whispering something in her ear, making her blush a soft pink.

‘’Time for bed, dorogaya,’’ Stepan said, his voice thick with a mix of exhaustion and affection. He stood up, giving Ruslan and me a nod before leading Natalie towards the stairs.

Then it was just the two of us.

The house hummed with the quiet energy of a fortress at rest. Ruslan stood up, not saying a word, he reached down, his large hands sliding under my arms and lifting me up. My feet dangled above the floor. He held me there for a moment, his face buried into the crook of my neck.

‘’Kukolka,’’ he murmured, the vibration of his voice reaching deep into my chest. ‘’The world is loud out there, but here it is quiet. Promise me you will always stay in the quiet with me in this home.’’

I wrapped my arms tighter around his neck, breathing in the scent of him. Smoke from others, expensive cologne I loved, and the smell of him. I knew what he was asking. When we were home no drama to follow us again. We had enough for a lifetime. A couple of years ago before Maria was even born, it seemed from the moment announced our engagement, which I didn’t even know I was getting engaged to him, I thought I was there for a job, to a year into our marriage, none stop drama of the world trying to pull us apart.

‘’I’m here Ruslan, always,’’ I whispered, pressing a kiss to his jaw. The weight of the day settled on us both, I could see it in his eyes when he lifted his head to look at me. lifting me higher, I wrapped my legs around Ruslan’s waist as he carried me up to our room, where a late night was in order.

The morning light soon came filtering through the curtains of the bedroom, it was too bright. We do this a lot and never learn our lesson on not shutting the curtains fully. I woke up before our alarm, my body clock still not changed, never lay in, even in the summer months up with the sun early in the morning.

Beside me, Ruslan was still asleep, his breathing deep and steady. In his sleep Ruslan looked so normal, not the Pakhan, the Godfather, he was just Ruslan. Getting these moments to watch him relaxed seemed few and far between lately. The scars across his body was like a story of how he wasn’t scared to get his hand dirty, how he is known as the Godfather. The one thing I loved about him, he would do the job himself, not get others to do it for him.

I slipped out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. After doing what I had to do I put on my dressing gown, coming out of the bathroom, Ruslan was awake. The small smile he always gave me, went across his face, he slipped out of bed, kissed me on the head and made his way to the bathroom. I walked to the window, every morning I liked to look out to see what type of weather it was today.

The estate was quiet with the guards doing their rounds, the morning mist clinging to the grass, everything as it should be. Yes, I still check the perimeter to make sure everything is in place. But as I scanned the trees at the edge of the property, a flicker of movement caught my eye. It wasn’t the rhythmic pace of a guard. It was a shape. A silhouette that didn’t belong. I sharpened my eyes to that spot as I know Vlad loved to help keep me sharp.

I blinked, my vision sharpening with a clarity that usually required a rifle scope. For heartbeat, I saw him. I saw it was not Vlad. A flash of a grey coat, a specific stance that stood out, sent a cold shiver down my spine. It was a stance I recognised but not sure where I knew it.

I felt Ruslan wrap his arms around me, knocking me out of my focus on the figure, the blink took my eyes off the figure for a moment and that’s all it took, he was gone.

‘’Are you ok Kukolka? You seem more pale than normal.’’ Ruslan’s voice seemed further away than it should have.

You are just seeing ghosts Elisabetta, you are wired up and over thinking, the exhaustion is making your mind play tricks on you. I kept telling myself this, but the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end, told a different story. I turned away from the window, I looked to Ruslan, focusing on him, grounding myself.

‘’Kukolka?’’ Ruslan asked gently, as if he spoke aloud, I would shatter. Even him putting his hands on me was gentle. I reassured him I was ok, just making sure everything out there was ok, and the guards didn’t miss anything.

When I moved to Ruslan’s home, I was on edge, the home and grounds was huge. I liked to keep the guards on their toes, to never get comfortable they slack. Ruslan picked me up and carried me to bed for our morning snuggles. He would refuse to leave the bed if he didn’t get his time with me. Now I am home more we are not together as much.

Ruslan I could feel wasn’t relaxing as much as he usually did when we was in bed. But how do I tell him that I had seen a man, I am sure should be a ghost from my past. I am not sure who he is, why he felt familiar, yet the other question is, did I see him and not make him up in my mind. Should I tell Ruslan that I am seeing things? How would he react, go on a war path chasing shadows, or would he think I have cracked and gone mad.

I shoved it out of my head, enjoying the moment with Ruslan before we went down to breakfast. Getting dressed I acted as I would every morning.

I sat at the kitchen table, my posture perfect. I must have given myself away as the noise of the kitchen suddenly came to a still. It took me a few moments to notice as the steam of my coffee had me in a trance, questioning myself if I did see something, or am I going crazy being stuck at home. My injuries mostly my elbow had been playing me up, it has been hard holding my gun.

Everyone sat around the table to eat, chatting about the day ahead. Me, I had my instincts telling me to go out and check the perimeter for myself, only trust my judgement. My hands burned for my blades, to hold them, to keep us safe. I looked at the backdoor, debating if I should do this. I would feel stupid if I ended up chasing shadows that didn’t exist.

Natalie put a plate of breakfast in front of me, snapping me out of my thoughts. I asked Ruslan after breakfast if he and Stepan could join me on doing a perimeter check. This wasn’t unusual for me as I was doing it everyday to doing as a weekly thing.

Forcing my breakfast down so I didn’t give away anything, keeping up appearances.