Aftermath Book Two Crash Series

Chapter Thirteen

Aria

            “Hey, bud!” My smile comes easily and is given freely as I greet Jude in his apartment. At five years old he’s strength is inspiring. His perseverance and light attitude even more so. We still don’t have any answers as to who started the fire in our apartment building a few months ago. At the time I thought it was Brian but Mason was never sure and now I’m starting to wonder as well.

            It wasn’t Brian’s style. No, he took pleasure in the torture of his victims, even more so he took pleasure in my pain and suffering. He sent me messages to scare me. He beat me, disrespected me, and verbally abused me for years and years. And when he finally got me, he dragged me to his lair in the woods and was fully prepared for some f****d up torture that would have lasted hours and hours.

            It’s just not realistic to think Brian was responsible but that makes the questions burn even more as my secrets become a little easier to swallow. If Edward or his associates have any responsibility for the fire that put Sean and Jude in ICU and in comas. I had to suffer through hours and days wondering if they would survive. I witnessed their pain and their set back.

            They went from being homeless and jobless to finally have a roof over their heads and a job with benefits and security. They were settling in and developing routines. They were thriving until someone tried to kill me. It might have been professional, but they weren’t perfect. They didn’t even take the time to confirm I was in the building before setting the bombs off. The only lead or reasonable option would be Edward and/or Stasevich. Good thing I’m already on their tail so not only will I be getting justice for Mason and the company but I’ll get justice for Sean and Jude and their unnecessary struggles.

            “Hey, Aria!” Jude excitedly bounces from foot to foot, his injuries long behind him, looking like he was never in a fire, to begin with. He has little, slightly pink scars that mark the left side of his little body thankfully they are small enough given some time I don’t think they will be noticeable at all.

            Lifting the small white box above my head I use my other hand to ruffle the brown mop of hair he has rocking in all different directions. He looks like he just got out of bed or has had a really fun time on a trampoline, maybe some static action with some balloons? All I know is the kid is cute as a puppy with messy hair or not, and tends to crash into me like one too, destroying whatever’s in my hands or forcing me to the floor.

            I don’t have to remind anyone how often I meet the floor on my own. Jude’s help is unnecessary in this regard, but I’ve learned to be prepared. The second I heard his little squeaky voice I was tensing my body and lifting the turtle brownies I made him. If Mason was here his hand would be on my back bracing me for impact as a chuckle would fall from his lips and wrap around my heart in a warm hug.

            I love Mason and I love Jude and Sean. It started at the soup kitchen as a little friendship, but our bond was welded together in the flames of the fire that threatened to take them from me. Now they are as important to me as anyone could be. Just being near him settles me down and brings me joy and relief from the ugly life holds because if this boy could go through what he has and still be as carefree and joyful as he is, why can’t I for at least the time I’m around him?

            “How was making apple sauce in class?” It was all he could talk about the last time I was here. I found it adorable how excited he was now I’m reminded why as his eyes light up as he brings the memory forward.

            “It was the best!” He rocks on his heels as his eyes flicker from the box in my hand to the topic at hand. “Better than math! What did bring?”

            “Jude!” Sean only half scolds. “At least let her in the door first.” Jude sends his dad a small shrug as if to say “you try and resist then” before turning back to me with a wondrous grin.

            “Oh, it’s fine.” Bringing the box back down I hand it over to Jude’s impatient arms. He doesn’t hesitate to scope them up and run past his dad into the kitchen with a squeal of excitement. Sean smiles at his sons retreating back as he leans on the wall for support. He has a loose grip on his cane in his other hand. The fingers on that hand are scarred and angry, much like the burns on the rest of his body, he wasn’t as lucky as Jude.

            Still smiling he turns back to me, shifting his weight as he switches the cane to his opposite hand so he can use his strong side. His right side where Jude was cuddled against him when the firefighters found them, was mostly unharmed compared to his left side. He has kind eyes that match Jude’s. They’re just as carefree and happy.

            “Hey, Aria!” He starts in my direction, he’s great at adapting to situations and he’s doing really great with his cane but I can still see the strain in his steps and movements. I look around for a second wondering where his nurse is. She’s been really good for the two of them, I think she’ll be staying around a lot longer than Sean needs to heal.

            “Hey, Sean! How are you doing?” I don’t like touch, not by strangers, and definitely not by men but Sean is family now so I don’t hesitate to walk over and grab onto his bad side lightly where I know it doesn’t hurt too much. He’s not too proud to accept the help, leaning into me gratefully.

            “I’m good. How are you?” I hear his sympathy and compassion and where it usually makes me itch with awkward attention to emotions and situations I don’t know how to handle or grasp, with him I don’t mind as much. He’s a survivor too. I can relate with him in a way I can’t with Mason or Tara. Or even Jude at his young age.

            For a second, I dip my toes into the rough and trembling waters that are my emotions. I tug on my lip as I a rush of adrenaline hits my system. It overwhelms me to a point of an impending spiral of doom. I don’t know how to process any of it or how to break it down into smaller more manageable emotions that I could try and process one by one.

            Fear. Confusion. Regret. Anger. Abandonment. Betrayal. They rumble and crash together with experience, memories, and voices. None of them good. How do I process an entire life of trauma? How do I settle into any kind of normalcy or accept that I can be happy and live easy when I’ve had my guard up ready for another blow to hit me for my entire life?

            Swallowing harder than normal I grab for the truth, giving him all I can and all he deserves, my honesty. I’m glad I asked Wyatt to stay outside so I can open up a little bit. “Most of the time it’s like I can barely keep my head out of the water.” I try to stay strong, but my voice wobbles, and my eyes fill with tears. We’ve made it to the back wall of the living room giving him the opportunity to lean against the wall.

            Taking a step away I try and pull in a deep breath to settle me some as I look to Sean. “Mhm. I thought Mason gave you a life jacket?” His eyes shift to my wrist with my bracelet on it as his words knock around my mind.

            My fingers find the charm instantly a tick I’ve picked up. “He did. Yes. But I don’t think that’s enough. He might bring me to the surface but the waves keep pushing me back down and I don’t know how much longer he can lift me back up.”

            I can hear Jude moving around the kitchen as he climbs all over the place so he can get everything he needs for some milk and brownies. He chirps away his voice too fast and squeaky to make out the words but I can hear the excitement and it infuses me with some need strength and encouragement as does Sean’s comforting and knowing gaze.

            “I don’t know much more than what’s been told on the news and the snippets you’ve given us, but I’ve always seen the pain you’ve tried to hide. We both know how unfair life can be, how cruel.” His voice is comforting and low, keeping his words from Jude’s little ears. Still, his eyes are kind and comforting, they don’t hold the pain he says he sees in mine. “You’ve had to suffer more than most…” He pauses to reach for my hand, gently scooping it up and squeezing it in a comforting gesture.

            “Sweetheart, you were kidnapped and forced to murder someone or die trying. Have you talked about it? Keeping it all inside won’t do you any good. None at all.”

            “I know but I…” I break eye contact so I can look up to the ceiling as I gather my thoughts. “I don’t know how.” I shift my weight from foot to foot and grip my charm harder, hoping it’s enough to get me through these rough waters.

            “When I lost my job, I was upset, worried, overwhelmed, and determined. I had a sliver of optimism. I could find a new job, I had to. But I couldn’t find anything that paid enough and definitely nothing with benefits. And then the bills just kept piling up and we lost our home. It just kept getting worse and worse. Every day I woke up wondering what else would go wrong and how I could fail my son so badly.

            “One night I couldn’t sleep, it was cold and my pockets were almost bare, the car was close to empty. I couldn’t afford to run the car and the heat so I used all the blankets and clothes we had to cover Jude up and layer myself up so I could sleep without any blankets.

            “I remember laying there shivering on a cold hard car seat that was dirty and stained. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t sleep. The longer I stayed up the slower time moved. I knew if I went to bed it would be another day and more problems.

            “I was exhausted already, how could I possibly take on anything more? How could I keep going when life was so unfair?

            “I was ready then and there to just call it quits. But then Jude reached over in his sleep and reminded me why I didn’t have that choice. He was the airlift that got me out of my weakest most vulnerable moment. I knew I had a choice to make. I couldn’t continue to stay in disbelief and stay angry at our situation, my situation.

            “Or I could make the best out of it all. Make the best out of life for Jude. I did everything they say you’re supposed to and still, we were homeless, cold, and hungry in the backseat of beat down car and I knew I had to keep going no matter what so it was an easy choice to make.

            “Things started getting better after that. Instead of sitting in turmoil through the day wondering where I could find a job or childcare, I started to appreciate the time I had with my son. We would walk and go to the parks. Play games and stare at the stare. It still wasn’t easy and I had some bad moments but I gained a lot too.

            “And then all of a sudden we meet this kind girl at the soup kitchen who my son latches on to like a leech and everything starts really changing. I don’t think I’ve ever really thanked you or Mason for the amazing things you’ve done for us.

            “You’re still that girl, just with a little more baggage only now you have a lot more people to help you through it all. We can build you a boat you just need to climb on.” I grab his side helping him walk the rest of the way to the kitchen as I think about everything he’s said.

            But as soon I get in the kitchen the tension falls away as Sean and I share a look and a laugh. Jude is covered in caramel and gooey chocolate and he’s still shoveling more in. A glass of milk is half full next to him with sticky fingerprints all over it and crumbs and nuts littering the table.

            No one to blame but ourselves, we should not have left him alone for so long.

            “Did you leave any for your dad?” Sean pulls away leaning on the table next to Jude as I make my way to the paper towels determined to clean that brownie monster up a bit.

            After some laughter and a friendly fight to get the brownies away from a five-year-old we played some board games and I listened as Jude told me all about school and YouTube and everything else important in his life.

            Every moment of it was happy and carefree and it gave me the rejuvenation I needed to take on tonight.