Aftermath Book Two Crash Series

Chapter Twenty

Mason

            Damn. I mentally sigh, outwardly I’m panting. I can’t help but take short and heavy breaths as I try and get my heart rate back down to a normal pace. But Damn. I don’t know how to describe the connection…the bond we form when we’re together. It’s beyond words, time, thoughts. It’s just beyond.

            Crash isn’t doing much better, she’s sprawled out next to me with her face down and her arms and legs spread wide., taking up much of the bed. She collapsed and hasn’t sprung back up yet. Her breaths match my own between her f*****g weird as s**t high-pitched carefree giggles I’ve come to love. It surprised me the first time she got emotional after she orgasmed but now it’s like my badge of approval. I make it a point to never leave her hanging but I know when we made magic happen as soon as I hear that first bizarre laugh.

            Even in the kitchen dancing next to the flour and listening to eights music, she isn’t this loose and carefree. But the moments after an intense orgasm this beautiful woman is mush and I f*****g love the sight.

            Smiling big I turn to my side so I can at least get a better look. I want to pull her into my side and wrap her in my arms but we are both sweaty and overheated plus she shoves me off anytime I try. So, I rest my hand on her back instead, watching as her over-sensitized skin prickles in awareness. Touching her makes me feel secure and grounded, helping to calm my overactive heart.

            Her wavy hair is tangled and frizzy covering her eyes as every breath and laugh pushes against the strands hanging in front of her mouth, so they flutter in the wind with every breath. My smile grows impossibly bigger as I find myself hoping I’ll have a million more moments just like this one. Earlier I would have said that there was a fifty-fifty chance but after this, I feel confident it's more ninety-two to eight.

            “You think they’re gone yet?” We’ve been up here long enough that they should be cleared out, but we are talking about my Mother. I have no need nor want to see her again today; pretty sure I reached my capacity for at least the week, but a drink sounds amazing. Just finishing my coffee sounds like a damn good idea. But Cynthia ruined that as well. I should have been sitting in a quiet restaurant sipping on hot bitter coffee while I pretend to listen to her drone on…

            Yeah, okay I can admit that as spontaneous, inconvenient, and dramatic as this day has been, laying here in this bed, next to this woman, my woman, with my heart lighter than it’s been in weeks…this was exactly what I didn’t know I needed.

            “Should I go walk around naked and find out?” She jokes. Her smile warms me more, ensuring my heart is forever hers.  

            “Sure if you want to get Ray in trouble with his wife,” I throwback to her.

            “Oh my god! Could you imagine!” She rolls over, facing me, her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open.

            “No. I don’t want to think about anyone else seeing you naked.” I scrunch my forehead just mentioning it. I want to be the only one to ever get his eyes on her wicked body. She’s mine and I don’t want to share, my baser instincts demand I keep her all to myself.

            “Well, I don’t want anyone’s wife thinking I was trying to put the moves on their man!” She lightly smacks at my chest like I was asking her to do just that.

            “She’s would never believe for a moment that Ray would cheat on her. She would probably ask him why he didn’t get you a robe. But any of the guys could be watching the security footage and see you then.” I snatch her wrist up, bringing it to my chest and keeping it hostage.

            “Mason! That’s so freaky! That makes it so much worse. Can’t we get rid of the inside cameras?” She whines and rolls to her back throwing her other arm across her eyes in dramatics.

            Chuckling, “No but I can make them private so I’m the only one with access to the feed.” That perks her up, her arm pushing against the bed so she can roll back to her side and face me with pleading eyes.  

            “Will you please? I don’t want anyone watching me without knowing, it’s invasive.”

            “I’ll do it while you take a shower. We need to get going.” I try sitting up but I don’t get far. Aria reaches out and shoves me back down.  

            “We definitely don’t need to rush that’s the whole point of today. You need to relax so lay here and relax.” She pats the bed between us as she nuzzles farther into the mattress like she could burrow her way to the middle of a foam cave.

            “I’m not working…’ I trial off feeling scolded but restless. There’s a s**t ton of work I should be doing, that I planned to do. The day I meet Aria I began to struggle to keep my concentration locked on work like I was used to which created a lot of piled-up work in an overly chaotic situation. A situation where the temperature is already set to boil. I can feel the steam surrounding me as the pressure builds yet here, I am willingly ignoring work so I can bask in Aria’s love.

            She laughs and rolls the one eye that isn’t smooshed into the mattress. Snaking her hand across the silk sheets she walks her slim fingers up my arm. “No rushing either. We have hours till the game, and we still need to talk.”

            Holding still I search her face and her body looking for any signs that this might not turn out how I’ve been thinking it would this past hour. I have to fight off more nerves than I did the first time I took the board members on alone. There is an added tension where there was none a moment ago as she props her head on her hand. Her hair is extra wild with whatever product they used for the photos that never got taken. There's a wild bird’s nest of clumped hair sticking out of the side of her head where it was just resting on the bed. She looks beautiful and hysterical making it extremely hard to hold onto my nerves and take her seriously.

            “Let’s talk then.” I made the decision months ago to take this woman on, knowing full well what I was getting into. I won’t turn away from her now. She may be suffering and stuck but there must be a better way to make her see reason. Walking away isn’t something either of us will survive. If I have to, I’ll fight for her, I’ll negotiate and sway her to reason. If she isn’t already on the same page, she’ll end today being there.

            “I don’t want to break up.” Her eyes fill with desperate pleading tears as if I would turn her away, as if there’s any chance, they aren’t the words I was desperately wishing for myself. “It might be super selfish of me. You have so much on your plate and all I do is add to it, but I love you and I love us and I really really don’t want to give this up.” She cups her hand on the side of my neck as I wrap my arm around her so I can roll her closer. Not caring how sweaty we are she belongs in my arms.

            “I never wanted to break up with you. Not for a second but I did wonder if it was for the best. You’re stuck Sweetheart and I don’t want to enable you to find comfort in the cramped room you’ve locked yourself in. You’ve done more this week than you have in weeks I’ll give you that, but it doesn’t change everything else.

            “You rarely sleep through the night and more nights than not you wake up screaming. You don’t like to leave the house and when you do you are looking over your shoulder like he’s there watching you. You’re still sending in food to the soup kitchen more often than you’re going. You love going there and I know they miss you. Paul keeps asking. He said he doesn’t want to pressure you but he’s been trying to talk to you about the next fundraiser, but you haven’t been very reliable. He understands but he knows it’s unlike you and wanted to check-in. He’s worried like we all are.   

            “I didn’t agree with you but I understood why you didn’t want to open Shirley’s when Brian was around but since you’ve been putting it off, basically avoiding it altogether. You’re so close to having the place of your dreams doing what you love and yet you’re holding yourself back after being so determined and proud for so long? I don’t understand it and I can’t because you won’t talk to me.

            “And I get that too. I do. You need some space to process, and I won’t always be the one you need to talk to about everything but you won’t talk to anyone. Not even a doctor, an amazing doctor that I trust and respect immensely. Someone that could help you help yourself.

            “I don’t want to change you Aria, but I don’t want you to think it’s acceptable to give up on yourself and your passions. You’re beautiful, kind, and talented but you shut yourself down and retreated back into your head where you deal with everything alone. But we’re a team so we need to be in this together or not at all.”

            I think it’s hard for both of us to be truly opened and vulnerable with ourselves and it’s worse with each other but if there’s was ever going to be anyone, I know Aria is it and I want to be that person for her too. I think I am with the way she collapses. It’s the only way I know how to describe how her face falls as she rides the waves of our shifting emotions with exposed nerves making her already raw emotions more intense.

            I pull her limp form into my chest as she shakes with a lot of repressed emotions pouring out through her tears. I hold her tight as I rub her back and whisper words of encouragement. Letting her know I’m here and I’ll be here. That she’ll be okay and she will as long as she believes in herself so work through the very real emotional and mental obstacles she’s facing. It’s a problem she has to admit to first before either of us can ever expect her to get better.

            She cries for a while as I hold her through it all like I always do letting her process while she adjusts. Looking back, it’s easy to see how we ended up here and how I once again wasn’t prepared for something I should have seen coming. Of course, Crash went running away from her problems. Hasn’t she always?

            She was running when I meet her, and it took a lot of these moments right here to get her to open herself up to just the idea that she deserves more in life than what she resigned herself to. It was true then and it’s true now. I just need her help figuring out how to maneuver these situations. How to best respect her boundaries and needs for healthy space and distance, mourning and silence with her unhealthy reaction to any overwhelming emotion.

            After some time, she calms enough to pull back from my chest so I can see her face and kiss her pouty lips. Her eyes are watery and swollen her whole face is slick with hair stuck to her cheeks, she’s a mess as she takes me in like a timid, fearful dog. She’s been conditioned to not trust, that her opinion means nothing, and her emotions are worth less than nothing.

            “One day you’re going to wake up and wonder what you’re doing with me. You’re this perfect person. A kind heart, a brilliant mind, a soft soul, and I’m over here leeching from you. I’m sorry Mason. I know I need to get out more and start getting back to normal. The press is just like vultures always lurking. I’m not used to the attention it’s creepy and I really don’t want to generate any more scandals with my name in it. Staying here just seems safer, like my little bunker.

            “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I’ve been avoiding any conversations with you. I just…I-I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I’m sorry Mase. I want to be better for you and for me I want to be better. I’ll give Dr. Tussing a real shot if you’ll set up another appointment?”

            “Aria listens to me there will never be a day I won’t be grateful I’m the lucky bastard that won your heart. Your love, body, thoughts, hopes, dreams, and passion, everything that makes you you is beautiful and worthy. I love you Aria. You. Every beautiful unique piece of your broken soul, I love it all.” Brushing my hands down the side of her face I brush away some of her matted hair. She leans into my touch as her eyes fill back up in awe.

            “Even the parts you’re scared of I want to know them so I can understand you so I can know you inside and out. I know it might blow your mind but I am not perfect.”

            “You do suck at cooking or chopping in general.” She interrupts with a raised eyebrow and a small smirk.

            “We both know you’re right I won’t deny it. I also can be really stubborn, and I tend to work too much. And sometimes I plow through life like my mother demanding more than I’m giving and I’m a whole lot ignorant to a lot of the struggles you faced, that most people face.”

            “Still all I heard is you’re perfect.”

            “I’m perfect for you like you’re perfect for me. That’s why we aren’t going to stand in our own way and we’re going to make this work. We’re going to fight for us. Okay?” Brushing my thumb along the corner of her lips I wait for her response.

            “Okay.” Closing the space between us she kisses me passionately, with an opened heart and a mind finally read to start healing.

            “Come on. You need a shower before we leave.” Jumping off the bed I scoop her up and carry her into the bathroom where we take our time washing each other. I don’t rush us at all and we still manage to make it to dinner and the game on time. I even surprise Aria with a stay at the best hotel in the city with imported chocolates and desserts that have her telling me how perfect I am all over again.

            A compliment I’ll take. Like I said we’re perfect together.