Everything around me started breaking; I can't believe I'm still breathing now.
The anxiety attack pulls In again, and I see myself shaking, shaking visibly, and my breath starts to hitch.
"Lexy, are you okay?" he asked, staring at me.
My lips are trembling, and I know it's more than visible.
I swallowed hard, willing to fight back; I won't break down in tears in front of this man; I won't cry.
"I don't want to see him, please," I said in a whisper; controlling the way I spoke was hard; it was evident that I was losing it.
"Lexy..." he called me out, and I didn't know if he was trying to find out what was wrong with me or if he was saying that because I needed to see his father.
"I don't want to see him," I yell this time and then cover my face; I'm visibly shaking right now.
My whole life is completely doomed, and it's going to replay again just like before.
"God, I'm just tired of all this. Please, I don't want to see anyone; I just want to be on my own right now. They told me this was where I would be safe, away from the pains and tumors I've been through, they said you would protect me Amber", I'm whimpering, I'm shaking but no tears are coming out of my eyes, that's how much I've been able to suck in my emotions, that's how far I've gone in killing My hormones.
"You know for someone who's been feared by the entire continent and half the population of the world, I so did not expect you to be this weak and unable to stand up for things, unable to protect your wife", I said.
Then I looked at him, "Or you can, but you chose not to because I mean absolutely nothing to you." it was more of a question than a statement.
Silence.
His silence usually speaks for him.
I swallowed, pained, "I should have thought so," I mumbled.
"You want me to be a w***e right? That's alright, I'll be whatever you and your family want", I added in a broken voice walked past him, and headed straight for his office.
I exhaled.
This is it...
My fate...
My destiny...
What I'm living for.
I push the door open slowly without knocking.
He's there as expected, sitting on Amber's chair with his legs crossed on his table and a cigarette in his hand.
He has a man slightly his age standing right next to him and his men were right behind him.
And the rest of the boys?
They were right behind me.
I exhaled.
As much as I hate these people, every single one of them seated here needs to keep me alive.
"Lexy Emeliano", he called slowly.
I clenched my jaw.
That bastard.
"Or, is it Lexy Mattew now?" he asked with a chuckle.
I swear he's the only one that finds it funny.
"It's not", I mumbled.
"What's that you say, Bonita?" he asked.
"It's not Lexy Mattew", I said a bit louder.
"Oh, why so? I thought you were married to my son?*, he asked.
I sighed; now I have to start explaining my feminist roles.
"I don't want to Carry on with his surname; I would like to stick with mine, "I mumbled.
Just last time we had a conversation, I was ready to rip his head off with my words, and here I was, unable to find my voice because I was trying hard to control my panic attack.
He stopped smiling, "Who made the law?" he asked, slightly irritated...
"It is allowed by society; a woman is allowed to choose whose name they bear," I replied.
"Well I want to let you know that you don't have a say in anything ever concerning this marriage, it's you who needs help here so you're supposed to do whatever we tell you and submit to us because this is a favor granted and not out of love, do you understand? so if I'm to have any issue with you again, I won't hesitate to tell your father's enemies to come and get you ".
I could have retaliated, I could have cursed him and called him insane because that was what he was.
I could have told him to go on with his plans that I don't give a s**t about whatever he does.
But unfortunately, I can't because I don't have anyone protecting me; I'm alone.
My father can't do anything. I've lost my family, and the one person who's supposed to save me Is just a few feet beside me.
Doing absolutely nothing.
I gave a small nod.
And that was it...
That was what sold me out.
I had let my guard down.
I had broken a vital rule of feminism.
But who am I when I cannot save myself?
Then he picked up his gun.
"Now, I won't repeat myself today. I'll count from one to ten in my head, and if you don't do what I say, I'll feed you to my hyena today. Strip", he added the last part with so much authority.
I turned to look at Amber.
Yes, he's supposed to protect me from danger.
That's the only reason why I got married to him in the first place; now, this?
He kept a hard expression and kept his eyes on the floor.
I dare not look at anyone around me before I change my mind.
I need to live.
I just need to.
My hands shakily moved to the top button of the gown I wore.
The first 3 buttons are done.
Mrs Timberlake would be so ashamed of me now.
Offering your body just to save your life? That's a cowardly move.
"Stop", it was Amber.