CHAPTER 006
1231 Words
The heavy rain pattered against the glass of the office window; silver trails streaked the glass. Caleb Donovan sat staring at the papers on his desk, blankly. The numbers and contracts blurred together, meaningless. His mind wasn’t here in this sterile, too-bright office. It was with her, he was back in the past.
Elara…
He leaned back in his chair and ran a hand through his hair. Pressure from silence was pressing down on him, amplifying the thoughts he had tried for so long to suppress. They wouldn’t stay buried tonight.
He had left her.
He could see the exact sequence of events as if it were an old movie playing in his mind that he couldn’t rewind. She was full of hope and bliss, and he told her he was leaving, and her face changed to confusion and disappointment.
His voice was so tight you could hear the lie burning on his tongue; he had said it was just for a little while.
But they both knew the truth. Caleb isn’t planning on coming back. He was chasing something else, something he thought was more important.
“Ambition”.
He had wanted power, success, the kind of influence that came with having your name on tall buildings and your name whispered in important rooms. And he had gotten it. The money, the status...But none of it mattered now.
Caleb buzzed back into the present. His desk phone buzzed, and he picked it up.
“Ten minutes until your meeting,” his assistant’s voice crackled through the intercom.
He glanced at the clock, then the files in front of him. His voice flat, he said, “Reschedule it.”
A pause. “All right, sir.”
He didn’t care about the meeting, or the company, or the never-ending deals that he had once dream of in his life. All he could think of was the gaping hole he had left behind.
The guilt crept in slowly, at the edges of its mind. He had buried it under work and distractions; he had ignored it. It grew in the years that followed, eating away at him until it ate away at every quiet moment.
He had been a fool.
She had been his anchor, a person to see through a bravado and see a man through. She had believed in him; she had supported him even when he didn’t deserve it. And now how did he repay her?
By walking away…
Caleb stood up and went to the window; the city was a jumble of lights and glass spreading out below him like a maze. He had once admired it, a view that bore witness to his achievements.
Now, it felt cold, empty. He thought of her again. He wondered where she was, what she was doing. Was she happy? Has she moved on? The idea of her with someone else twisted something deep inside, but he had no right to feel that way.
He had forfeited that right the day he left.
The guilt had only gotten worse after he heard about the girls.
Caleb had known about their existence for years, but not from Elara herself. Through somebody he'd bumped into, who knew somebody else, he'd learnt about them from Adam Perkins a private investigator.
Almost offhandedly, as if it wasn’t the most earth-shattering news Caleb had ever heard, the man had said, “She’s got three daughters now”.
Three daughters!
He had thought about it since. He imagined them with her, dark-haired and bright-eyed, their laughter filling the spaces he was not.
Did they know about him? Had Elara ever spoken of the man who had abandoned her?
He had questions he left unanswered, and unrelenting anxiety ate at him.
The glass swirled with amber liquid, and he poured himself a drink. He took a sip, and the burn in his throat matched the ache in his chest.
He had been trying to bury himself in work, forget, and move on. He was successful, but nothing those success afforded could fill the void inside him. When she wasn’t there, “the deals, the accolades felt hollow.
After everything, he wanted to make things right now.
The idea had been in his mind for weeks, fuelled by too much coffee, and it grew each new day.
He knew he didn’t deserve a second chance. He couldn’t bear the guilt any longer.
He had to find her.
He put the glass down and went back to his desk, opening a drawer. He look through the papers and files until he found what he was looking for: “I took a photo of Elara years ago”. He said to himself, happy for a brief second.
The quiet confidence she always had that showed in her eyes, to which he was always fond, was present, and she was smiling. She was so sure of herself, so full of life.
Now Caleb looked at the photo and felt a pang of regret so sharp it took his breath away. He had broken something he could never fix, something precious.
But he had to try.
He picked up his phone and stared at it for a long moment.
What if she doesn’t want to hear from me?
The thought was paralyzing. He knew exactly what he had done. She had every right to hate him, to slam the door in his face if he showed up uninvited but that didn’t stop him.
His voice was low and rough, he muttered under his breath, “I don’t deserve a second chance, I’ll do anything to earn it.”
The next morning, Caleb was waking up with a new sense of purpose. He had made up his mind. He spent hours on the phone chasing leads, putting together bits of information. Elara has been careful, almost too careful. It was as if she didn’t want to be found.
Persistent was nothing if not Caleb.
By the end of the day, he had a name: Spindale.
It was a small town, in the middle of nowhere. It was the sort of place people went to disappear.
He stared at the name on his screen, his heart pounding. This was it.
He shut his eyes and reclined in his chair. What and How do I tell her what? The question was heavy, and it was unanswered.
The Linctus Sibilantus contained a dose of near-paralytic concentration that held his nerves steady.
He had spent the entire flight rehearsing what he might say, but every scenario ended the same way: with Elara turning him away.
That couldn’t stop him.
The ride to Spindale was a long, winding one through urban sprawl,rolling hills and dense forests. As the town came into view, Caleb felt a strange mix of hope and relieve.
He had no idea what he would find here, or if Elara would even see him. He hadn’t done anything that mattered in years, and this, for the first time in a while, felt like something.
The cab dropped him off on the main street, and Caleb hesitated. The streets were filled with few people, lit by small shops and old brick buildings. A world from which he was far removed.
He squeezed the photo of Elara in his hand, She needs to know I’m sorry for what I did.
He breathed deep and started walking.
- Writer
