Finding Home

Chapter Two

            Supper continued in little conversation and one-by-one, the children were excused to busy themselves before it was time to retire to their beds for the evening. After saying goodnight to Nathaniel, Olivia made her way up the creaking staircase and into the wide hallway. The floor was made of dark wood panels and the walls, which were once white, now had turned a pale yellow over time. There were two doors to the left that led to the girl's quarters and two to the right for the boys. On the back wall was a small staircase that led up to Ms. Rebecca's room in the attic. The door to Olivia's immediate left was open and she stepped into the room.

            She proceeded to her bed in the very back corner. She felt exhausted. All she wanted to do was lay down and let the rest of the day slip away. Once there she sat on the edge of her hard, straw-stuffed mattress. After a moment, Olivia looked around. The only other occupants in the room were four older girls at the opposite side teaching each other how to sew. Satisfied, she took a deep breath and reached into the top of her dress, pulling out a small necklace. This was Olivia's only real possession. The only item from her past that came with her to the orphanage.

            Olivia held the beautifully engraved locket in her hand as she squeezed her eyes shut. She couldn't remember the faces of her mother and father, but when she held the necklace, she somehow felt closer to them. Though, no matter how hard Olivia tried, all she could remember was her mother's charming singing voice and her father's metal-brimmed glasses.

            Olivia was suddenly jolted by a voice coming from outside of her memories. She was completely surprised to find Emily standing in front of her. She was even more confused when she remembered Emily's bed was in the other room. She sat down next to Olivia.

            “I said that is a beautiful necklace you have there. Can I see it?”

Emily was actually being nice to Olivia. Now she was even more perplexed. Olivia would have to admit she must have looked really ridiculous sitting there staring at her. Emily stretched out her hand waiting for Olivia to hand over the necklace.

            “No, Emily. I am sorry, but this locket was left to me by my parents. I never part with it,” she stated as she placed it back into its hiding place.

            Emily felt offended as she pulled her hand back, “A locket you say. Does it open?”

            “I have never tried. Really, I have never wanted to. I feel when the time is right, I will open it.” There had been many times Olivia had almost opened it, but she wasn't about to give Emily the satisfaction of being with her when she did. Still confused, Olivia asked, “Emily, did you need something?”

* * * *

Emily stood up and faced her, “I was just wondering why you are still here. I mean if you have such big dreams then why don't you go and start them? It is obvious you don't belong here.”

            Olivia stared at her for a moment before replying, “That is true. I don't belong here, but I also feel as if something is keeping me here. I want to go yet I want to stay and –”

Emily leaned in, interrupting Olivia, “All the more reason for you to go. Besides, the others don't understand you. You said so yourself. I see the way they talk to you.”

Emily’s plan was working; she could see it in Olivia’s eyes.

This was too easy!

Olivia blurted out, “Well, Nathaniel believes in me.”

            Emily threw her head back in delight and laughed. “Oh, Nathaniel. Olivia, truthfully, as you get older you will become less attractive, and he will become increasingly more interested in me. Your heart will break. Face it. Nathaniel and I belong together. Deep down you know this is true. You are just an infatuation to him.”

Emily could see the sadness in Olivia's eyes as her heart sank at the revelation. Emily turned to walk down the aisle. She twisted around one last time, “Olivia, really think about it.”

Emily turned back around, continuing her stroll towards the door. She knew she had Olivia right where she wanted her. Soon Olivia would be gone, and Nathaniel would never know she was behind Olivia leaving. Who better to console Nathaniel than herself? Nathaniel was all hers now.

* * * *

            Olivia grimly looked down at her lap and tried to contemplate her next move. She again took out her locket and squeezed it in the palm of her hand. She wondered what she should do. What would her parents want her to do? She felt, even though hurtful, what Emily said was right. Olivia wouldn't be able to follow her dreams sitting around here. She had to go out and make them happen. As for Nathaniel, Emily was probably right about him as well. There was no chance he would ever want to be with someone like Olivia. Let alone someday marry her.

After some time, Olivia placed the locket back in her dress and decided it was time to make her dreams come true.

            “Now, my wonderful children, it is time for bed checks and nightly prayers,” cheerfully stated Ms. Rebecca as she promenaded into the room.

Olivia lay in her bed waiting for Ms. Rebecca to blow out the candles and retire to her room for the evening. Several hours passed, and Olivia sat up listening to the sleeping girls around her. Satisfied that everyone was asleep, she slowly pulled back her thin blanket and stood up. She carefully picked up her boots from the floor and tip-toed down the middle of the two rows of beds towards the door. Once there she reached for the round knob and turned it. The door jarred open with a thud. She stood very still, hoping none of the girls woke up. Not a sound was heard except for the hum of faint snoring coming from somewhere in the room. She was in the clear.

            Olivia made her move and snuck out through the door, slowly shutting it behind her. She stood for a moment taking a deep breath; surely someone had heard her, but still, no one stirred.

Olivia was starting to second-guess herself. It wasn't too late. She could always turn around and go back. If someone did wake, she would have said she had to use the loo. Anyway, it didn't matter because Olivia knew that if she didn't go now, then she may never have the chance again.

            Olivia glanced over in the direction of the small staircase that led to the attic, not a candle was lit. She steadily moved across the hall to one of the doors on the other side and quietly opened it. Once inside, she located Nathaniel's bed. She watched him for a moment; he was sleeping so peacefully. She thought he was even cuter when he slept. She shook her head and had to remind herself to focus and stick to the plan.

            Olivia slowly sat on the edge of his bed and placed her boots on the floor. She held her breath as she leaned down and covered his mouth with her hand. He awoke, startled, and with her other hand, she placed her index finger over her own mouth in a shushing motion. Olivia then removed her hand from his mouth.

            “What are you doing here?” he whispered as he sat up.

            “I am leaving the orphanage to stow away on a ship. I have decided to go to the colonies and establish myself as a cabin boy. I need to borrow your clothes to appear as a boy. Will you help me?”

            Nathaniel hesitated then said, “If this is what you want to do, then, yes, but do you have to leave? What if something happens to you?”

“Nathaniel, when I get there, I will send word to you letting you know I am well.”

He was silent for some time before reluctantly handing over his knee-length trousers, button up vest, a white long sleeve shirt, a pair of knee-high stockings, and his cap.

            Suddenly, Olivia heard movement nearby and for fear of being caught, she leaned closer to Nathaniel. “Thank you for everything and not just the clothing. I must go now.”

Olivia could barely get the words out before she stood and quickly walked away. She was soon back in the hallway, closing the door behind her. Olivia made her descent down the stairs doing her best to avoid the steps that creaked the loudest.

****

            After Olivia had left the room, Nathaniel laid back down, trying to understand the events that just unfolded. He felt he couldn't let Olivia just leave like that. He had to try harder to stop her.

He bolted up, placing his feet on the floor. As he did so, he kicked something below him. That is when Nathaniel realized Olivia had forgotten her boots. He knew this meant he had to go after her and maybe, somehow, convince her to stay. Nathaniel picked up the boots and quietly left the room, following Olivia's footsteps down the stairs to the first floor.

            By this time, Olivia had made her way into the kitchen where she proceeded to change her clothes. She was placing her old clothes onto a nearby chair when Nathaniel walked in.

            He held Olivia's boots out to her. “What if I went with you?”

She laced them up and stood to look at him. “No, Nathaniel, you need to stay here, and I need to be out there.” Emily's words from earlier echoed in Olivia's mind. “People need you here.”

            She then noticed the blank expression on his face, “What are you staring at?”

            “Nothing,” he blurted out looking Olivia up and down. “I just think your plan might actually work.”

            Taken aback, she blurted out, “Thank you – I think.”

Nathaniel shook his head. He couldn't believe he had just said that to her. It came out completely different then he intended. He had so much he wanted to say to her, that her being different from the others is why he liked her so much. He saw something in her that she couldn’t see in herself yet. The annoyed feeling he had with himself must have shown on his face for when he looked back at Olivia he noticed a slight smile as she turned away.

            A short time later, Olivia moved toward him. “Now if anyone asks, you have not seen me since supper and I must have stolen your clothes.”

Nathaniel nodded in understanding as she twisted her long hair and threw it up under the cap. Lastly, she placed her locket back around her neck and down into her shirt to keep it safely hidden.

            Olivia took a long slow breath then walked past Nathaniel and towards the front door.

I’m going to step out that door and never return.

As Olivia carefully unlatched the door, Nathaniel suddenly felt the urge to thrust his hand onto it to stop her. “Last chance, Olivia. For me, please don't go,” he insisted.

            “I have to do this. I finally have the courage to go and this may be the only chance I ever get. I must go now.”

Feeling defeated, he lowered his eyes and removed his hand from the door. Olivia proceeded to open it. She stepped onto the front porch and took another deep breath.

            Watching her walk out the front door, Nathaniel felt he needed to make one last attempt to convince her to stay. Without thinking, he gently grabbed Olivia's arm and she whirled around to face him. He studied her eyes; they were a beautiful chocolate brown. And if she left, he would never get the chance to look into her eyes again.

Before they both knew it, he leaned in and delicately placed a soft kiss on her warm lips.

* * * *

Olivia's whole body went numb and again, she second-guessed her decision on leaving as liquid warmth enveloped her body.

Nathaniel took a step back and Olivia shook her head, remembering why they were standing there.

Her eyes met his and she could see the pain and sadness he was feeling. “If this is what you must do, then go, but know that I will find you someday,” Nathaniel vowed.  

He reached out and touched Olivia's cheek. She placed her hand on his and smiled at him.           

She was sure they both knew the chance of seeing each other again was almost impossible, but they had to leave their futures to fate.

Olivia turned as Nathaniel watched her run down the steps and out into the street.

She looked back one last time towards the orphanage as Nathaniel sadly stepped back inside and eased the latch on the front door. Her heart was breaking for Nathaniel as tears welled up in her eyes, but she knew this was the path she had to take. She had to go find herself and make her dreams a reality.

Looking down at the ground, she started her long walk towards the harbor.

This was it.

She was leaving her future up to chance. Anything was possible. Her adventure was finally beginning.