The lost sunshine

Chapter 9

Zeyan’s POV

The exam was finally over.

The moment the bell rang, Sarwa rushed toward me, her eyes full of anticipation. Julian followed behind her at a slower pace, looking as calm as always.

“Did you answer it well?” she asked, worry evident in her voice.

“I can’t be sure yet,” I said, leaning closer just to tease her. “Let’s wait for the results.”

She let out a long breath, as if my answer had exhausted her. “Fine. But let’s eat first.”

I nodded, unable to stop the small smile that formed on my lips.

Even after all our arguments, she worried about me more than she probably realized.

A Few Days Later

The results were posted.

Students crowded around the bulletin board, their voices rising with excitement, disappointment, and nervous laughter. Before Julian and I could react, Sarwa grabbed us both by the wrist and dragged us toward the crowd.

“Hey,” Julian said, laughing softly. “What are you so excited about?”

“I want to see whether the results improved,” she replied distractedly, her eyes fixed on the bulletin board.

“Your results?” Julian asked. “Isn’t it obvious that either you or I got first place again? That isn’t new.”

Sarwa shook her head. “Not mine. Zi’s.”

My chest tightened at her answer.

Julian looked at her for a moment, as if he wanted to ask something else, but he stayed quiet. When the crowd grew tighter, he and I naturally stood on either side of her, keeping people from pushing too close.

Sarwa scanned the list.

Then her eyes widened.

“Yes!”

Her shout made several people turn toward us. She did not seem to care. She spun around and threw her arms around me.

“You did it!” she said, her voice bright with pride.

For a moment, I forgot how to breathe.

She looked up at me, smiling so softly that the noise around us disappeared.

Whenever she looked at me like that, I wanted to kiss her.

Not as a joke. Not to win an argument.

I wanted to kiss her because I had wanted her for far too long.

Julian’s POV

I had never seen Sarwa look that happy.

Not over her own scores. Not when she won first place. Not even during the celebrations our families used to arrange for us.

But Zeyan made it into the top ten, and she looked as if she had won the world.

Something bitter settled in my chest.

Sarwa and I had always been close. We grew up together, understood each other without trying, and knew each other’s habits better than anyone else did.

Yet she had never hugged me like that.

She had never looked at me the way she was looking at him now.

I cleared my throat, forcing a smile. “Should we celebrate?”

Sarwa turned toward me, still glowing with excitement. “Yeah. My treat.”

“Okay,” I answered.

My voice sounded normal, but I felt anything but normal.

“Where do you want to eat?” Sarwa asked Zeyan.

“Anywhere with you,” he replied smoothly.

Sarwa’s cheeks turned red. “Okay.”

She was still holding his arm.

They looked like a couple already.

And I stood beside them like an unwanted third wheel.

“Juls?” Sarwa looked at me. “Any recommendations?”

“No. You choose,” I said, returning her smile.

The Celebration

At the restaurant, Sarwa ordered without even asking Zeyan what he wanted.

She knew.

She knew his favorite dishes, the food he hated, and even the way he preferred his meat cooked. She moved the plates closer to him and picked food for him as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

I watched silently, staring down at the untouched dishes in front of me.

How much time had they spent together for her to know him this well?

“Juls?” Sarwa’s voice pulled me back. “Is the food not to your liking? Do you want to add something?”

“No, it’s fine,” I said.

She picked up a piece of beef trotter and placed it on my plate.

“Eat. You love beef trotter, right?” she asked gently.

I looked at it for a moment.

So she remembered.

The tightness in my chest eased slightly, though it did not disappear.

Maybe I was imagining things. Maybe she still cared about me in the same way she always had.

“Zi, congratulations,” I said, raising my glass. “It’s almost a miracle that you made it into the top ten, considering your rank before. It makes me wonder whether you were intentionally holding back.”

Zeyan’s gaze moved to Sarwa, and a smug smile appeared on his face.

“I wasn’t faking it. It’s thanks to my personal tutor. She made it possible for me to improve. She’s really capable.”

Sarwa’s cheeks reddened.

I stared at them both.

“Really?” I asked lightly. “I would like to meet this capable tutor of yours.”

“Don’t worry,” Zeyan said. “You already have.”

His eyes never left Sarwa.

Something inside me went cold.

Could it be her?

But when did they have time to study? Zeyan’s apartment was far from Sarwa’s mansion, and both of them had packed schedules after class.

Unless—

“Zi,” I interrupted, keeping my tone casual. “Your racer friends have been looking for you lately. They asked where you’ve been because you haven’t been staying at your unit.”

“I’m with Sarwa,” he replied without hesitation.

My fingers tightened around my glass.

“Oh?” I forced myself to ask. “Since when?”

“Since her birthday.”

I turned to Sarwa.

She lowered her eyes. “The mansion is huge, and there were empty rooms. I let him stay in his old room.”

“You’re both adults now,” I said, more sharply than I intended. “It isn’t appropriate for the two of you to live under the same roof. He should move out.”

The joy in Sarwa’s expression dimmed. She lowered her head, and regret hit me immediately.

Before I could soften my words, Zeyan spoke.

“Juls, don’t you think you’re minding her business too much?”

His tone was controlled, but I heard the warning underneath it.

“I’m reminding her,” I replied, meeting his eyes. “People will judge Sarwa, not you. Besides, she’s like a sister to me.”

The words left a bitter taste in my mouth.

Like a sister.

That was the role I had always chosen because it was safer.

Because admitting the truth would ruin everything.

Zeyan looked ready to argue, but Sarwa reached for his hand beneath the table. Her fingers closed around his, silently asking him to stop.

He listened to her.

Of course, he did.

I stood, unable to stay there another second.

“I need to use the bathroom,” I said.

As I walked away, I heard Sarwa quietly call my name, but I did not turn around.

When had Zeyan become someone she could calm with a touch?

When had he become someone she chose?

Zeyan’s POV

The second Julian left, I felt the tension in my shoulders loosen.

But the anger remained.

I had never been irritated by him before. Julian had always been Sarwa’s closest friend—someone she trusted, someone who had every reason to care about her.

Still, he was overstepping.

He was making Sarwa doubt herself.

And worse, he was making me afraid.

What if she listened to him?

What if she decided I was a mistake?

What if she asked me to leave?

The thought alone made my chest ache.

No.

I could not lose her now.

I turned toward her. Her hand was still resting near mine on the table.

“Babe,” I said softly.

She looked at me, surprised by the name. “What?”

“Do you remember your promise?”

She nodded slowly. “What’s your wish?”

For a second, I hesitated.

Not because I doubted what I felt.

I hesitated because I knew that once I said it, there would be no going back.

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

Sarwa’s POV

For a moment, I could only stare at him.

The restaurant was still noisy. Plates clinked, people laughed, and music played quietly in the background.

Yet, everything sounded far away.

“Are you serious?” I asked.

Zeyan’s expression softened. “Completely.”

“Don’t you dislike me the most?” The question slipped out before I could stop it.

His eyebrows drew together. “I never disliked you.”

“Then why are you always fighting with me?”

“It’s not me who starts the fights. You’re the one who can’t stand me.”

“No,” I protested. “You always provoke me first.”

“You always oppose me.”

“No, I—”

He leaned across the table and kissed me.

My words disappeared.

For one suspended second, I forgot about the restaurant, Julian, our constant arguing, and every reason I had ever given myself to stay away from him.

All I could feel was Zeyan.

When he pulled back, his forehead rested lightly against mine.

“It doesn’t matter who started what,” he whispered. “What matters is that I want you.”

My heart was beating so wildly that I was sure he could hear it.

He looked unfairly handsome, his eyes soft and certain as he waited for my answer.

“Do you like me?” I asked, barely above a whisper.

“Yes.”

There was no hesitation.

“Is this because of what happened between us?” I asked. “Are you only saying this because you feel responsible?”

His expression changed immediately.

“No,” he said. “I loved you long before any of that happened.”

I held my breath.

“Are you sure?” I asked, afraid to believe him. “Maybe you’re just confused, or maybe you—”

He kissed me again.

This kiss was gentler, slower. It made my face burn and my thoughts scatter.

When he pulled away, he smiled.

“I’m one hundred percent sure,” he said. “So, Sarwa… will you be my girlfriend?”

I swallowed, trying to hide how flustered I was.

“Do I even have a choice?” I teased. “You already have me. You’ve kissed me twice, and you haven’t even given me time to think.”

He laughed, and the sound made my chest feel warm.

Then he reached for me.

I let him pull me into his arms.

“Yes,” I whispered against his shoulder. “I’ll be your girlfriend.”

His arms tightened around me, and he kissed the top of my head before kissing me again.

That was when the door opened.

Julian’s POV

I stopped at the entrance.

Sarwa was in Zeyan’s arms.

Zeyan’s hand was on her waist, and Sarwa’s face was flushed as she looked up at him. I did not need either of them to say anything. The sight alone was enough.

Something inside me cracked.

“Oh,” I said, forcing a smile. “Did I interrupt something?”

Sarwa stepped back slightly, her expression full of embarrassment.

Zeyan, however, looked pleased.

“Yes,” he said. “She’s my girlfriend now.”

The words hit harder than they should have.

My girlfriend.

I had spent so long convincing myself that Sarwa was like a sister. I had buried every thought that crossed a line, every moment I wanted to hold her longer, every time she smiled at me and made me want something I had no right to want.

And now someone else had claimed the place beside her.

“Really?” I lifted my glass. “Congratulations.”

I drank the entire glass in one go.

The alcohol burned down my throat, but it did nothing to dull the ache in my chest.

Sarwa watched me with concern. “Juls, are you okay?”

“Of course,” I answered quickly. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Because I was too late.

Because I had waited until she belonged to someone else.

Because I had no one to blame but myself.

Later That Night

Zeyan went to get the car from the parking lot.

Sarwa stood outside the restaurant, hugging her arms against the cold night air. For a moment, it was just the two of us again—like it had been countless times before.

She looked at me with the same familiar warmth.

“Juls,” she said softly, “thank you for celebrating with us.”

I smiled.

There were so many things I wanted to say.

Don’t date him.

Choose me.

I’ve loved you longer than he has.

But none of those words came out.

Instead, I stepped closer and hugged her.

Sarwa froze for a moment, then slowly hugged me back.

I closed my eyes.

I knew this might be selfish. I knew I had no right to cross that line now that she was with Zeyan.

But I needed one final moment.

One final memory that was only ours.

I pulled back and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.

Sarwa stared at me, shocked.

Before she could ask what it meant, I gave her a small smile and stepped away.

“Take care of yourself, Sarwa,” I said quietly.

Then I turned around and left before Zeyan came back.

Before my face gave away everything I had spent years hiding.