KINKY!; Goodbye✓

Spencer Reid // Just Give Me A Reason

You knew something particularly strange had happened that day at work. Spencer came home to you in a daze, unable to focus on anything you said. You sat him down on the couch and took ahold of his hand as you sat beside him.

"JJ...has feelings for me."

From his voice and his state you could tell he was utterly bewildered, but that was nothing compared to the shock and horror his words instilled in you.

Every time you invited some of the team over for dinner, every time she invited you and Spencer over for dinner, every time there was a team-related party. You and JJ would share smiles and casual conversation. One drunk night, she admitted that Spencer had a crush on her years prior, which was something you'd already suspected. The alcohol in her system laughed and said she'd rejected him.

You had laughed with her. Always looked forward to seeing her. Hugged her. Watched her hug him. Seen him talk alone with her on countless occasions. And all this time, she was hiding that she had feelings for Spencer.

It shouldnt have bothered you, you and Spencer had been in a happy, loving relationship for three years. You lived together! But that only made it worse in your mind, why would JJ confess this now? What right did she have to try and ruin what Spencer had with you? Why would she jeopardise her marriage and her family for someone who isnt available?

The anger you possessed for her was overshadowed by confusion and numbing shock. You couldnt process it.

A week passed in a painful blur, and you still couldnt wrap your head around it. You refused invitations from friends to go out. You called in sick at the BAU everyday; you did attempt to go into work the day after you found out, but you couldnt get anything done. Seeing her just exist was enough to make you feel like you were on the brink of passing out, setting foot in the BAU was just not an option for you. Especially since you worked with Penelope, meaning every time the team flew out somewhere, you and her would be in your shared office, and JJ would be somewhere with Spencer where you couldnt see her, and that was worse. You were lost, you had lost yourself.

You told Spencer you were just sick, but both of you knew that wasnt true. Of course, he had been going to work everyday, he had been spending time with her. A sudden, sharp pain stabbed through your chest. It was a familiar pain, a frequent one you'd encountered regularly that week. He couldnt avoid spending time with her, it's strictly professional, come on, you trust him. And you do. You just dont trust her.

That kind voice, sweet smile, gorgeous face, straight blonde hair, angelic laugh. Those beautiful eyes watching him. You thought Spencer had clearly been deemed off-limits, so you'd never truly taken the time to recognise JJ as competition. The reality was, you couldnt compete with her. She was stunning. She had known Spencer longer than you had, she probably knew him better than you did, she had helped him through so many things before he even knew you existed, and he'd already had a crush on her years ago. What chance did you have against that? Spencer was only human, you didnt expect him to have the strength to resist her.

And so, you shrivelled up inside yourself, a miniature version of you curled up and trembling inside the cold and empty casing of your body.

Spencer had begrudgingly gotten used to coming home and seeing you lying on the couch, staring at nothing, looking beyond unwell. He approached you quietly.

"Hey love." His sad voice spoke to you as he gently took ahold of your hand, before immediately tucking it under the blanket that hid most of you from view. "Sweetheart, you're freezing! I'll go and make you some hot cocoa."

You met Spencer's eyes as his hand slipped away from you and he stood back up, making his way to the kitchen. Deciding to stretch your withered muscles, you sat yourself up, wrapping the blanket back around your shoulders despite it failing to warm your iced skeleton of a heart. Spencer's phone rang in his pocket, he answered it on the second ring.

"JJ, now is not a good time, Im sorry, please dont call me tonight."

His voice was hushed, you knew he was trying to hide the conversation in order to save your feelings, but your mind was already spiralling.

Now is not a good time, does he want her to call later? Dont call tonight? Has she been calling him on other nights? Is it a habit? Are they talking more often now?

Your hand grabbed at the searing pain that stabbed through your chest, it was worse than it had ever been before, you couldnt breathe. Everything hurt. You gasped for air loud enough to alert Spencer that something wasnt right and he ran to your side in an instant.

"(Y/N)? (Y/N)!?! What's wrong? What's the matter!?!"

One of his hands was on your back, the other was holding a phone to his ear that was calling an ambulance. You couldnt answer him, everything was moving too fast, you couldnt keep up. It hurt, it hurt so bad. It only began to subside when you lost your vision and disappeared from yourself completely.

You awoke to the sound of a heart monitor and the feeling of a hand gently wrapped around yours. Attempting to open your eyes, you hissed and squinted in the light, lifting your free hand to shield your eyes. Spencer immediately sat up and sniffled, wiping away the tears that had rolled down his cheeks. He leant forward and carefully pulled you into his arms, lifting you up slightly off the hospital bed.

"Im so, so sorry, this is all my fault! I should've told you that JJ's confession meant nothing to me, I should've told you that as soon as I explained what had happened! Im so sorry!" Spencer sobbed into your hair.

You rubbed circles in his back. "Shhh, it's alright, what happened?"

He pulled away from you slightly so that you could see and hear him clearly. "Y-You experienced a stress induced myocardial infarction, wh-which is more commonly referred to as-"

"A heart attack." You finished his sentence, recognising how difficult it was for him to talk about the pain you'd gone through.

"It's all my fault (Y/N), Im so sorry, I never should have dwelled on what JJ said, it was just such a shock! I-It was so unexpected and I was struggling to process it but by focussing on that I didnt see the damage I was doing. I've ruined you, ruined us. B-But I'll do whatever it takes to fix this! We, We can go to therapy, o-or we can take a break if that's what's best for you, I can leave the BAU and find a job elsewhere so that-"

You shook your head and Spencer halted his rambling so that he could listen to you.

"Spence, it's ok, really. This isnt your fault. We dont need therapy, we dont need to take a break, and you certainly dont need to leave your dream job!" You explained.

"Then what do we need to do?" The desperation in his eyes was enough to break your heart all over again.

You squeezed his hand. "We just need to be us again."

Spencer smiled with tears in his eyes. "We can do that."

"WHERE IS SHE!?!" A voice you recognised shouted from down the corridor, and you grinned.

Your best friend, Emily Prentiss, stormed into your hospital room. She sighed with relief as soon as she saw you, and ran over to pull you into a hug.

"I got on a plane as soon as Spencer called! How long have you been awake?" She asked, checking you over for any wounds despite your heart not actually attacking you in a way that left physical scars.

"Only a few minutes, how did you get here so fast!?!" You questioned, because as far as you knew, Emily was still based in London.

Spencer squeezed your hand. "Love, you've been unconscious for 15 hours."

Your eyes widened. "What!?!"

Emily nodded. "Spencer told me everything in a 3 second spurt of what was probably 4 pages of information, I cant believe this has happened."

The doors to your room swung open again, and there stood the one person you didnt want to see.

Emily took a furious step towards the door but you grabbed her hand and shook your head at her, silently signalling it was fine.

"(Y/N), oh my goodness, I came as soon as I could! Are you-"

"Get out." Spencer's quiet, seething words silenced JJ immediately. He didnt even look up, his eyes were fixed on his hands holding yours, drawing patterns on your palm with his fingers.

"Wh-What?" She sounded confused and hurt, feigning obliviousness.

Spencer's head slowly lifted and turned to her as he spoke. "Your actions were inappropriate, uncalled for, cruel and frankly selfish. Not only did you potentially destroy your own relationship, but you spared no consideration for my own. If you truly cared for me, you would care for my happiness, and if you truly knew me, you would know that the greatest happiness I have ever felt has come from being with (Y/N). You are my friend. She is the love of my life. Do not confuse the two."

The last thing you saw was JJ's eyes fill with tears before she ran out of the room. You expected to look at Spencer and see an amount of guilt already present, but you only saw certainty as he watched the space where JJ had been standing. His glance gravitated back to you, and his expression changed from certain about his actions, to certain about his love for you.

"Thank you." The words were hoarse as they left your lips, your emotions getting the better of you.

Spencer lifted your hand to his face and placed a gentle kiss on each of your knuckles. "I knew if I didnt say something you would've jumped out of this hospital bed and given her a swift right hook, and you need to rest." He joked.

Emily smirked, and you couldnt help but laugh. "I could've rested after a knuckle sandwich!"

Spencer shook his head and laughed. "Resting without assault charges sounds a lot more peaceful, dont you think?"

You smiled at him. "Yeah, I think you might be right about that."