Depths of Desire

Deep Water

I made my way over to the dance room. The same music was playing as the previous night.  The strobe lights were casting dancing shadows across the walls and ceiling. I could feel the familiar thumping bass through my feet, the beat compelled me to dance. I wandered to the bar and ordered a drink, as I waited for it to be made a familiar voice interrupted my thoughts.

“Fancy seeing you here Bree”.

It was Mike, he looked much less like a doctor in his trousers and Hawaiian shirt combo. I smiled and gave him a friendly hug.

“Where’s Steven?” He asked looking around.

“He couldn’t make it tonight, he said he was tired”. I had lowered my head at the word tired, the despair in my voice was quite strong.

“That’s a shame” he replied, “Care for a dance? Could be therapeutic, given the circumstances” He asked gesturing toward the dance floor.  

“I shouldn’t really, what about Steven” I exclaimed. I knew if Steven woke from his drunken slumber and found me dancing, he would surely be mad.

“Well” Mike said laughing to himself, “For one he’s not here and for the second, I’m not thinking of f*****g you. It’s just a dance”.

I quickly finished my drink and moved from the bar, taking Mike’s hand I said, “If you insist”.

We moved on to the dance floor where Mike showed off his worst moves. I covered my face with a hand, I was truly embarrassed for him. He didn’t seem to mind and continued to move out of time to the music.

I moved closer to him, “Look, you’re doing this all wrong” I said, “Let me show you how it’s done”.

I held on to Mike and walked him through the basic moves. “Use your hips more” I instructed. I thought to myself, how could a guy be so good in bed, be such a terrible dancer. I thought his attempt at dancing was fruitless, he really wasn’t learning much from me.

“Come on” I shouted above the music in his ear, “Let’s get a drink from somewhere a bit quieter”.

“Sure” he replied, grinning from ear to ear.

We left the dance room, Mike he said he knew a good place for a drink. I followed him up onto the deck. There was a small quaint bar near the large swimming pool.

Mike had wandered over to the bar and ordered two drinks. He came back and stood next to me as we watched the water gently caress its waves against the boat. I stared into the distance, watching a pod of dolphins’ brake through the crest of the waves. 

“Mike. Do you ever regret the affair?” I asked the question before I had even thought about it.

He shuffled on his feet and looked back at me “Sometimes” he answered back.

I stared at him, “Do you want to elaborate?”

“It ruined my marriage Bree. I lost my job. I lost good friends. I lost my whole life. There’s nothing worse than losing everything you hold dear” he sighed heavily. “I still think about it most nights. But you’re married to Steven, so I know there’s no chance we could ever get together”.

I put my arm around him. “I think about it too. But I know I can’t keep cheating on my husband. It’s like some sort of uncontrollable disease. I don’t think I should be around you. I’m scared about what will come next, what I’ll end up doing”.

Suddenly he kissed me. I pushed him off me. I felt the urge to slap him, I wasn’t ready to be kissed by that man just yet.

“Mike!” I gasped, “No!”.

“Why not?” He questioned. “Why can’t we be together. I love you”. His words stung me.

“No. You don’t love me. You love the idea of sneaking behind Steven’s back and f*****g his wife again. The idea of my infidelity”, I turned my back to him, “I don’t think we should be here. We shouldn’t be seen so close together, alone”.

“But. Steven. He’s asleep, isn’t he?” Mike asked

“Yes, but he’d find out. He always does!” I moved closer to him and held his arms, “I think we have to stop this. We can’t go any further. We can’t allow anything to progress between us. What happened in the past is history. It’s over!”.

I’m sure Mike wasn’t listening to what I was saying, he leant in again planting his lips against mine.

I don’t know what happened next, but it felt as though the wind was knocked out of me. My skin felt like it was being punctured by tiny knifes. My lungs were gasping for air. I was drowning. “Help!” I shouted with a gargle. But it was of no use my voice couldn’t be heard above the working engines of the huge ship. The water was cold and rough, I was struggling to keep afloat, I was being tossed from side to side.  My legs kicked hard in the water, but it was futile against the swirling currents. I was tiring from the effort and I knew that at any moment I would slip quietly under the ensuing waves. My throat continually burned from the intake of salt water, my head was swimming from the lack of oxygen. Questions flooded my brain, who could have done this to me? Did Mike do it? Did my rejection push him to throw me over the balcony? Or, did Steven do this to me? Had he seen Mike kissing me and in a rage throw me overboard.  I wasn’t thinking straight, I thought I would drown any moment. I kept bobbing under the water, the force of the current kept pulling me back under.

I could hear a small engine in the distance. It sounded like a small fishing boat. “Help!” I screamed again. The water gargling my words.

Repeatedly I kept shouting the same thing, I needed to be rescued. My voice grew hoarse and my throat got increasingly sore. 

Then without warning a hand grabbed my arm and hauled me onto a boat. I was coughing sea water onto the deck. A powerful hand was patting my back.  I could hear someone taking in a different language, I then passed out.

“Dama. ¿Estas bien?” a voice called out, “¿Qué te ha pasado?”.

I couldn’t understand what was being asked of me. I recognised the language as Spanish, but I didn’t know enough to respond to them. Sure, I had learned some basic conversational sentences at school, but I wasn’t sure how this could help me now. I racked my brain and finally remembered a little.  

             “Lo siento. Inglés. ¿Habla usted Inglés?” I asked, “English. Do you speak it?” I asked again, hoping that they did.

            The man in the boat nodded, “Si. Yes”, he said smiling. He was a small elderly man with wispy white hair that blew in the sea wind. His toothy grin warmed my heart, it was good to see a friendly face. I started to tell the man what had happened and what I could remember. He put a blanket over me and passed me a thermos with some hot tea.

            The man pointed to himself “I am Rodriguez, I take you to see my son Diego. He will help you”.

“Where are you taking me?” I asked.

            “I take you to my son. He will help” he answered back. He continued to steer the boat. I could see a strip of land start to emerge on the horizon. I still was unsure as to where I was being taken. I guessed that it was pointless asking Rodriguez anything further, he couldn’t answer my questions.

            The piece of land started to come into view the closer we got. I could see palm trees on a beach of white sand. The boat eventually came within touching distance of the sand and Rodriguez got out. He helped me from the boat, and I waded through the knee-deep water to the beach. He pulled his small boat onto the sand and pointed to a small hut in the tree line.

            He beckoned me to follow him, which I did, I saw no reason to stay on the beach alone. As I walked further toward the building, I started to feel woozy, my legs wobbled as I walked. Rodriguez held me up and helped me walk, my legs didn’t want to walk, and they suddenly gave way. I fell to the ground, then blackness covered my eyes as if a thick scarf had blindfolded me.

My eyes opened, I found myself on an upholstered sofa under a thin sheet. In the dim light I could make out figures. One I recognised as the old man Rodriguez, the other must have been his son. His son had a thick muscular frame, like that of a man who worked a laborious job.

            “Where am I?” I muttered groggily.

“Shush. Don’t overexert yourself” he said warmly in a thick Caribbean accent. His dark brown eyes pierced into mine.

            “Please?” I pleaded, “I need to know where I am” I asked again, I was feeling tearful and scared.

“Don’t worry, you’re safe now. I have called the authorities, they will come tomorrow sometime. Please sleep, I’ll explain more in the morning”.

            I lay back down on the sofa, the sound of the waves breaking on the beach aided my descent into sleep. My head was still swimming with questions. I needed the answers and I wanted them quick.