Show Me How

Chapter 5 -f**k Promises And Apologies

“What a nice surprise to see you up Alex.” 

Fuck. 

Hearing my name, I stopped to see Jessica with a coffee cup in her hand and all dressed up for work. “Great to see you up. I was just going to wake you up for breakfast.” With only 2 hours of proper sleep last night, having a “family” breakfast wasn’t quite what I had envisioned for myself this morning. 

If anything I was hoping to grab a cup of water and go back to bed. However, before I could object she had already walked past me and what looked like the dining room.

“Sean come and greet your sister.” Physically cringing at the word, I bite my tongue from saying some snarky back. Standing by the dinner table a boy with similar features to Jessica dressed in a pair of blue washed jeans and a varsity jacket forward. 

But instead of blonde, he had light brown curls and freckles. I remember playing a lot with Sean, after all, we are both the same age. Memories of us laughing and playing outside on the streets come to mind. I even remember us skating around on our rollerblades before tripping over each other in a heap of laughter. Matching colors even.

However, looking at him now I already know that the chances of me remotely getting along with a scout boy like Sean now is very unlikely. 

He must have not heard correctly, because when he looked at me, he had a finger pointed at me with a surprised smile. “Alexandria?” Nodding I watch him walk up to me with arms open. Just as he is to hug me, I push my hand forward in a handshake. 

“Alex is fine.”

Confused and slightly flustered I watched him awkwardly shake my hand. “Right. It’s great to have you back. We have all missed you. Especially dad, he has talked a lot about you.”

Dad. 

He called him dad. Of course, he would, why wouldn’t he? After all, there is no argument that Richard is more of a dad to him than him. Smiling bitterly, I nod silently. 

Clearing her voice, Jessica spread her arms gesturing to the food in front of her. “Now that’s settled. Your father is coming down soon, eat before the food turns cold.” 

Standing there awkwardly I watch Sean and Jessica taking their seat and eating. As if he noticed my discomfort, Sean pulled out a chair next to him. Remembering that I am not at home with Maria, I instantly straighten my back. 

"Thanks,” I mumble and take in all the food. Scones, muffins, French toast, pancakes, and far too many beverages to choose from filled the table.  It almost looked like the beginning of a teenage movie where the main character runs out of the house grabbing only an apple to catch the bus - ignoring the whole table filled with food. 

“I hope the food is to your liking, if not I can always make something else for you.” Nodding I take a bowl, I fill it with cereal and milk, with a cup of black coffee. Taking a big spoonful of the cereal, I almost want to choke myself on the awkward silence. Only Sean who was oblivious to it kept eating his food without any idea of the tension in the room. 

“Good morning everyone.” Entering I watched him smile brightly at everyone, till his eyes reached mine. By then the smile on his face had vanished and he was looking at me with a blank face. 

Great, just what I needed this morning. I wonder what goes through his head when he sees me. It is clear when he looks at Sean and Jessica that he is looking at them with pure happiness and love. Whereas as soon as his eyes fall on me that the joy in his face disappears. 

“You’re not going to eat sweetie?” Says Jessica which grabs his attention. Breaking the stare, he smiles sweetly at her and walks up to kiss her on the cheek. Taking a seat next to Jessica I watch him pour black coffee into his cup and looking at me while sipping at it.

“Did you sleep well? We were hoping to let you sleep in.” Glancing up, I look up to see Richard being the one asking the question. 

“Yes,” I say and take a bite of the cereal. Still feeling his eyes on me I look up to see him give me a hesitant smile.“That’s good to hear. I want you to feel at home here. It’s not California or your aunt’s home in France, but it is your home.” 

“Sure, home,” I say and focus my attention on the bowl in front of me.  If anything I felt more like a visitor than anything. Maybe because in the end, that is what I am. 

“You must be excited to be back home,” he says. “Perhaps there is anyone, in particular, you’ve missed? I do recall you having a big circle of friends.” Adds Jessica as they both look at me with expectant eyes.

“Probably,” I answer and swirl the spoon in the cereal. Whatever ‘big circle of friends’ she was recalling to I don’t know. Anyone I hung out with during my summers here was when I was a child and always Sean’s friends - not mine. 

“Either way it must feel good to be able to see them after such a long time.” Adds Richard and smiles at me while grabbing Jessica’s hand. Clenching my jaw I break my eyes from their intertwined hands. 

“And whose fault is that.” I murmured, and based on his smile faltered slightly, he heard it. To be frank I could give a flying f**k if he liked or didn’t like my answers. It’s not that difficult to understand that I am not in the mood for conversations early in the morning. 

However, before he can say anything his phone starts ringing. Fishing a phone from his inner-pocket he answers it without looking at the Caller ID. It was clear it was work based on how he was nodding and looking at the time on his wrist. “Well I’m on my way to the office now so send me the file and I’ll look it over on the way.”

 Closing his phone shut I watch him turn to me. “Let me guess, work?” I interrupt him, as he gives me an apologetic smile.

 The same ones he would give me when he couldn’t make it to my parent-teacher conferences or when he couldn’t stay any longer for my birthday. 

“I have to run by the office real quick. I promise I’ll be back soon so that I can hear all about what you have been up to. Jessica will be here if you need anything.” Not answering him I only nod as he walks out of the door to work. 

Glancing at Sean he opens his mouth. “If you want to, I'm heading out later with the others. You can c-”

“Not interested.” Pushing my chair out I walk up the stairs to my so-called room and lock the door. 

Fuck promises and apologies.