The Moon that Shatters the Heart

Chapter Five

Sutton

The unopened letters sat on my bedside table, taunting me. The box I received along with them waits abandoned in the corner of my bedroom, minus the navy and white hoodie. I lay on my side, staring at them like they were going to fly up and start howling at me. Ani’s hoodie comforts me as I rest on my bed, contemplating what I am going to do.

I have forgotten about Ronnie moving in today. She had asked me last week, but Ani’s letters have me f****d up. Her phone call woke me up this morning. However, all I can do is stare at the letters and smell Ani’s hoodie.

Mentally, I prepare myself for the day. I sigh heavily as I sit up, hiding the letters in the top drawer of my nightstand. My phone goes off, notifying me of a message from Ronnie letting me know she’ll be here in ten minutes. I tap back on the screen and skim through the messages from Oscar.

-Sutton. I miss you.

-I’m saying sorry for the twentieth hundred time. Please, come back.

-Everyone knows the truth and will welcome you back with open arms.

The messages read variations of the same repetitive apologies and grovels. I haven’t responded to them. I can’t. While none of this is his fault, I know it’s entirely my own. I still blame him for putting me in that position. For making me feel like I had no choice but to help him. His begging feels insincere. I can’t help but think he knew Ani’s feelings for me because Oscar knew mine. I blink back the tears when I read them.

Ani’s name is listed above his, and I tap on it. I read his last message for the fiftieth time, the only one that matches his letter. All of his messages were demanding. Demanding to come back to him. Demanding to forgive him, but never an apology. None of them were like the heartfelt letter he’d written to me. There are five letters in total and while I’m curious what all he’s written, I wonder… Are they just as heartfelt as this one? Or are they hateful and full of demands?

Either way, they’ll only break me further when I’m trying to heal. I know that the only way to heal is to be with him and let the mate bond do its part. Still, I want to continue hating him. I can’t forget the words he said and the sins he promised. But I want to.

Taking another meditating breath and inhaling his scent one more time, I stand up and get ready for today. His scent was already beginning to fade. I remove it and place it inside the bag it came in, sealing it, hoping that it will keep the scent longer.

***

Ronnie had a lot of friends come to help her, more than she needed. When we are done, someone shows up with alcohol, and another plays music. It doesn’t take much for a party to ensue. More people are arriving by the minute.

After all the parties Oscar and I have been to or hosted, I’ve never been one to enjoy them. Nonetheless, I pour myself several shots and a beer, wanting to revel in the fun and avoid going back into my room where the letters remain hidden away.

Ronnie pulls me into the living room to dance with her. I lost count of how many drinks I’ve had and let myself get carried away by the music, pushing all my thoughts of Ani out of my mind. The alcohol is potent because I am drunk and so is Ronnie. I felt hands on my hips, swaying along with my movements. I turn my head to glance at the person behind me. Laiken’s green eyes, hidden behind his shaggy brown hair, meet my own. He winks back at me with a toothy grin that speaks volumes. When did Laiken get here?

Laiken smoothed his hands on my waist, bringing them back into his bulge. My body shivers with excitement. My palm finds his cheek, falling victim to his scratchy chin. I lean back and brush a kiss on his cheek. Ronnie smiles and backs away to give us more room, but I grab her wrist to bring her closer to grind my front. Sandwiching myself between them. I am drunk, and clearly, I am not the only one. I lean forward, twerking my ass into Laiken’s pelvis and wrapping my arms around Ronnie’s neck.

There were several people on the dance floor, all drunk and doing provocative things with one another. Werewolves are s****l beings; it is not unusual for unmated wolves. We feed off each other. Even then, mated couples practically make love in front of everyone.

“I’m gonna bow out,” Ronnie winks, stepping away like a Cheshire cat. I spin around and pull Laiken closer to me to thrust my tongue into his mouth. His lips are soft, his tongue skilled, meeting mine with control, and I don’t hate it.

I am on such a high, it’s almost euphoric. It numbed the pain of Ani’s betrayal.

While I only slept with Basil, Ani slept with several in a week. For that reason, I want to hurt him. His words in those letters contradicted the actions he’s taken since we fell out.

My fingers thread through Laiken’s, and I lead him upstairs, not caring who all is watching and their comments going unnoticed. I just want to numb the pain and replace it with anything else. Laiken will know how to make that happen.

The moment the door closes, Laiken lifts me by the back of my thighs. His mouth on mine, dominating my own, swallowing my moans and breathing the air we’re meant to share and leaving me with nothing. He kisses me slowly, suffocating me as the sin I’m committing takes possession of my body.

He throws me onto the bed, his body larger than my own. Our fingers dance between us as we remove our clothes as fast as physically possible. Both of us consumed by our wants and needs.

My heart both riots and surrenders as my hand grasps Laiken’s erection, jerking my hand up and down his length. He releases my lips, groaning, as his mouth lands on my neck, making my body stiffen for only a second. He trails kisses down my aching chest, the wetness of his tongue tasting my skin.

He takes my breast into his mouth, sending a jolt straight to the heart. My folds become moist as my back arches from the pleasure his tongue provides against my soft mounds, needing more from him.

My mind drifts to Ani and my stomach turns. This isn’t right. Ani should not stain this moment. Still, my stomach is in knots and my mind plays tricks on me by replacing Laiken with Ani.

“You smell good tonight, Sutton,” he breathes, cooling the wet path he left behind.

“Thank you.” That is all I can muster before he takes my other breast into his mouth.

The moment Laiken lets go of my n****e, his tongue snakes out and licks the flesh between my breasts. I snatch his face between my hands and pull his mouth back to mine, wanting him to silence my thoughts, or at least silence the name I fear would escape my lips.

His fingers glide down to my core, working their magic, seducing me as tremors of pleasure slither up my spine. I focus my mind on those tremors, wanting to be devoured by them.

I close my eyes as I push my thoughts of Ani aside.

Laiken’s fingers slip into my core, and my walls tighten around them. I breathe out, savoring the sensations his digits elicit. Everything becomes a blur as we act on our desires. He brings his fingers to his mouth, tasting my juices. I’ve never seen anything so erotic before.

He lines his member with my entrance and slides in. My whine echoes in the room, still not used to the fullness. His hips collide with mine as I meet every one of his thrusts. My conflicted body basks in the pleasure, finally feeling something other than anguish.

Laiken’s forest greens pin my ocean blues, staring into them as though they were his prized jewels. He groans my name. I can only fist my hand into his hair in return and bring his lips to mine to disguise the fact that I’m unable to say his name. My body fights for control, pushing him off and rolling onto his back. I straddle him, my hands on his chest as I twerk my hips. His grunt-like moans encourage me to continue seeking the euphoria brought on by s*x.

“f**k Sutton! Don’t stop,” he grunts, his fingers digging into my flesh as they guide my hips. My orgasm takes over as he says the words, exhausting my body. I gasp for air, not realizing I have been holding my breath. Laiken grips my hips, keeping them moving, but I’m spent. “Get on your knees,” he orders through his teeth.

Rolling off him, I do as he commands. His hand twists into my hair and directs me down on all fours. He f***s me hard. Better than before, my body burning with every punch.

My heart’s beating to a revolt, and my lungs burn with every breath. My fingers disappear into the sheets, waiting to succumb to another orgasm. Laiken pulls me by my hair until my back collides with his chest and his lips press into my ear.

“G’damn, Sutton,” he breathes into my ear. His hand snakes around my body until his fingers circle my c**t to heighten my pleasure. “I might just want to keep you.”

“f**k,” the word leaves my mouth, my bodying bursting and falling from ecstasy. Laiken pulls my chin towards him as he pulls out and comes on my back. He kisses me and I relish in the bliss.

We fall on the bed, exhausted from our escapade. We don’t speak, but his words sink in. I wish Laiken could keep me. Everything with Laiken comes naturally. Why can’t I choose him?

Because I belong to Ani.

Laiken’s breaths are loud, sniffing the air between us. “Hmm, is that mint I smell?”

“Mint? It might be the lotion my sister gave me,” I say and pull away, careful not to get his c*m on my sheets. I grab a towel close to me—one I had lazily draped on the trunk in front of the bed the night before—and I hand it to him to help clean me off.

My phone’s ringtone echoes around the room, surprising us. No one ever calls me this late. We both sigh loudly, not sure if his sigh is for the same reason as mine.

“I’m sorry. It must be Lauren. She never calls me this late.” I climb off the bed, searching the room for my shorts, thinking my phone is in the pocket. Laiken gets up off the bed too, grabbing his own clothes. When it stops ringing, I look over at Laiken and he is holding my phone.

“It was a private number.” I take the phone from his hand, reading the screen. “I think we both know who it is,” his voice is like gravel. He hurries to get dressed and I remain naked, dumbfounded by his awkwardness.

“I’m gonna head home,” he presses his lips on my forehead and walks away.

“I might just keep you.” I realize now, watching his arrow straight back exit the room, that he made the comment because of Ani.

Once he is out of the room, I look over at the box Ani sent me yesterday and my heart drops, beating at a dangerous pace. My eyes burn with tears that threaten to break through the well that encases them as my emotions wreak havoc on my conscience.

Laiken wanted me, and I couldn’t even say his name. My heart breaks for Laiken because we both know I used him to forget Ani for however long our moment lasted. I’m the bad guy in all this.

My phone rings again and I watch it brighten up, reading the words “Private Number” as they appear on the screen. I know who it is, like Laiken said. It can only be Ani. Who else would call me right now?

“Sutton.” I hear his voice on the other end and my heart soars. It sounds breathy and rough, but it’s his deep voice I love so much.

“Ani.”

“Please, baby,” he pleas but doesn’t clarify. He sounds so broken. The tears come uncontrollably. I bite my lips, trying to hide the sobs that threaten as nausea settles in my stomach from all the pain I have caused him, Laiken, and myself.

“Ani.” I shake my head, knowing he can’t see or hear it. “Don’t make this difficult on me. We both know how many times you’ve caused me excruciating pain.”

“Did you open the box? Did you read the letters?” he ignores my argument.

“Ani, please just let me be. I have loved you for the last five years. I want to hate you and those letters, this phone call… You hurt me. You insulted me, then you threatened to mark me against my will, wanting to claim me so no one else could have me.” I pause, taking a deep breath. I can no longer hide the fact that I’m crying. “If that’s any indication of what our lives together would look like, I don’t want it.”

“Sutton. I’m sorry,” he sighs, sounding defeated. “I can’t take back what I’ve said. I know that. But baby, please understand just how much I want you. I’ve always wanted you and only you. It’s all in the letters. Read them. Please.”

I remain quiet, wanting to catch my breath. I love his voice. I’m trying to hate it. I’m trying to not believe him or his words. “I read one letter, and I fear that if I read the rest, they’ll only make me believe we have a future.”

“There is a future for us,” he argues.

“So much has happened between us for there not to be a future.” The familiar aches of my shattered heart never truly left. But my heart is flying far above the ground with so much hope.

“Sutton, I’m sorry. I would do whatever it takes to make you believe me.” There’s a pause and I listen to his deep breaths, waiting for him to speak again. “Are you sorry?”

Now it’s my turn to think. To breathe. To bring my mind and soul back to the ground and crushing the dreams that played in my head. His words are convincing me there’s a life where we can be happy. Together. But I know I held a lot of blame for what happened to us, but I have yet to admit it aloud.

“Every damn day.” I finally admit the truth.

“That makes two of us.”

My eyes focus on the box that he sent me with all his items, listening to the silence that falls between us and failing to keep my sobs to myself. I grab my pillow for something to grasp onto and cover my naked body.

“Sutton. Can we fix this? Can we forgive and forget?” he questions for the both of us. He makes it sound so easy. Forgiving is easy. It’s easy to fall for his words and his voice. It’s easy to want him and to say we want to be together. But it isn’t easy to forget, that would be impossible.

“Baby? Please say something.”

“I forgive you,” the words even come out easily and without another thought. I can practically hear his smile through the phone, and it hurts me to say the words that follow. “But I can’t forget. I’m not ready to forget. I’m not ready to fix this. My heart is still broken, and I need to heal.”

I hear the change in his emotions just by his sigh. The hopefulness comes slowly, then the devastating drop comes so fast that he’s breathless moments before both our hearts hit the ground.

“Heal with me. Let me help you heal,” he begs. “Sutton, I need you. I need you here with me so I can heal, too. Please, baby.”

“Ani,” I say between the gasps for air as my cries become unmanageable. “No. Please don’t call me again,” I hang up.

I throw my phone across the room and run into the shower to wash off the sins I’ve committed. Needing the hot water to work its magic. I towel dry and pull the hoodie out of the box. Stretching my arms into the sleeves, I put it on with nothing else. The sheets ruined with the memory of Laiken. I yank them off and toss them in the corner. I’ll burn them tomorrow. I did not want anyone else’s scent on this hoodie, just Ani’s.

He is right. He is the only one who can help me heal.