His, For Evermore

For the Alliance

TW: SA

Amelia couldn't move, her whole body felt like it was paralyzed. She lay there motionless until her muscles stopped trembling. Her tears had dried on her cheeks, and her face felt raw and sticky.

She knew she'd never be able to wash away the shame of this encounter. The thought made her want to scream. It wasn't fair. How had things gotten so out of control? She didn't deserve this.

Why did everything have to be so awful?

She wondered what her friends would think of her whoring herself out to the enemy. They could never find out, it was top secret, but a part of her needed to confide in someone. Mick was expecting an update on the meeting and some information.

Amelia sat up gingerly, the room was warm but she shivered. She used a spell to clean herself. Blood and semen had stained the sheets and trickled down her thighs. She wanted to scrub her skin raw but wouldn't use the shower he used. She pulled on her clothes, wincing in pain when she had to lift her legs into her trousers. He had torn her, she would need to heal herself when she got back home to the safe house. She saw a scroll on a cabinet; information from Alistair as promised.

She teleported to Mick, she wanted to get this encounter out of the way.

"Hello Mick, Alistair sends his regards. The meeting went well, and I got information as expected."

She handed the scroll to him. "I will go to my room now" She had no more strength to be here, she couldn't bear to see any sympathy, she couldn't bear the judgement.

"Are you okay?" He asked with concern. Amelia looked awful, she was pale with dark circles around her eyes and looked exhausted.

"I'm fine," Amelia replied sharply.

She turned to walk away. Mick called after her, but she ignored him and hurried up the stairs to the safety of her room.

She locked the door behind her.

Her eyes welled up, tears blurring her vision. She collapsed onto her bed and buried her face in her pillow, her shoulders shaking. Her heart felt like it was shattering into pieces, each piece breaking apart. The tears rolled down her cheeks. Her chest tightened, it was getting harder to breathe, it hurt too much, it was too painful to think about anything. Her entire body ached.

She took a draught of dreamless sleep and waited for it to work, her body heavy. She didn't think about Alistair. She couldn't bear to.

Her sleep was uninterrupted.

She woke the next afternoon, still feeling exhausted and she didn't want to leave her bed. She dragged herself into the shower, turning the water temperature to scolding hot to clean her skin. The water washed away all traces of her encounter. She scrubbed until her skin was red and raw. Her fingers moved through her hair, trying to work through the tangles and knots. She wanted to get all of him off her body, she needed to be clean. Her heart ached. The hot water burned her skin, but she welcomed the pain. It helped distract her from the numbness she felt. It helped to ground her, it was painful but at least it was something. Her tears flowed down her cheeks, mixing with the hot water.

She stepped out of the shower and dried off before changing into clean clothes, her wet hair falling into her face. She went back into her bed and buried herself under the covers. Her eyes burned from crying and her chest felt tight. The darkness closed in around her as her heart continued to break into tiny fragments.

The next few days passed by in a haze. Amelia stayed in her room, eating only enough to keep herself alive and sleeping as much as possible.

Mick had tried to talk to Amelia a few times, to find out why she had seemed so distraught when she had given him the scroll, but Amelia wouldn't talk to him, she couldn't bring herself to. It hurt too much. The thought of reliving her encounter with Alistair was too much for her. She knew if she told him the truth, Mick would feel guilty for pushing her to take the assignment. Amelia couldn't bear the thought of putting that guilt onto Mick, especially after all he'd done to protect her during the war. It was better for him not to know.

Mick knocked on the door "Amelia, are you okay? You haven't left your room since the day after the meeting. It's not healthy to isolate yourself like this". She heard his voice through the door.

"I'm fine Mick, just need to rest" Amelia called out. "I'll come and eat in the canteen tomorrow, I promise.

Mick sighed, "Alright then. Take care of yourself, Amelia." he replied with concern before leaving her to sleep some more.

All she did was sleep.

The next morning, Amelia woke earlier than she had for a while, she dragged herself to the shower, she was tired but knew she needed to try and keep moving. Her heart was broken but she couldn't lie in her room forever, it would kill her slowly if she let it.

After washing her hair she stepped out of the shower and got ready for the day, she dried herself off with her towel. Her skin was pale from spending so much time in her room, her hair hung around her face and her eyes had dark circles around them. She applied a simple spell to her face, hiding the dark circles and giving her a pink blush to her cheeks. It would only last the day, but at least she didn't look so sick.

She put on a long-sleeved white blouse and grey trousers, she made herself look as plain as possible. She wanted to hide her body, to be invisible. She pulled on her socks and slipped on her black trainers before tying her long, brown hair back into a low ponytail. She left her room and went downstairs quietly to avoid attracting attention. The door to Mick's office was closed and she hoped he wasn't around to try and talk to her, she wanted to go straight to the kitchen to find some breakfast and get the day over with.

She should probably offer assistance in the hospital, she thought to herself, she usually had shifts there 6 days a week. It was strange that Nurse Huckle hadn't inquired about her whereabouts.

Perhaps Mick informed them that she was busy with another 'assignment'. She shivered.

At least her deal with Alistair was top secret, she would only have to speak to Mick about it and he was good at making up stories to hide the truth. That was one of his many skills, she mused. They were lucky to have him on their side in this war. She wasn't sure how much longer they'd last though, she thought dismally. If it weren't for spies like Alistair and Luthera they'd be defeated for sure. She shivered again, remembering warm cold fingers tracing the sensitive skin of her neck. Strange that he had looked so beautiful, yet was so terrifying. Cruel. Her hands started to shake, she felt nauseous and weak.

She tried to focus on eating her breakfast. The food tasted bland and made her feel sick, but she forced herself to finish her plate, she knew she needed the nutrients is she wanted regain her strength. Especially if she hoped to work in the hospital.

"Good morning," she heard a deep voice say from behind her, it made her jump slightly, but she recognized the voice immediately as Mick's. "I'm glad to see you feeling better." She turned around to face him and managed to muster a smile.

"Hello Mick," she replied softly, "I am feeling better now. Thank you for your concern."

She was about to excuse herself from the table when he motioned for her to join him. He was sitting by the fire, she hesitated before reluctantly sitting next to him.

"How are you this morning?" He asked quietly, "I am worried about you. You've been sleeping so much. It isn't good for you. "

"I plan to do a shift at the hospital today," Amelia told him, hoping the change in subject would take Mick away from the subject of her health. "I'm sorry that I have been so absent recently, but I think I am well enough now. It has been nice to sleep."

Mick nodded. "You have nothing to apologise for, Amelia," he replied, his voice gentle, "you were unwell. You are allowed time to heal. Your work in the hospital is very valuable, I hope know that."

"Thank you Mick, I know that." She gave him a small smile before changing the subject again. "I have a favour to ask of you actually, a request" she continued nervously, "I am not sure if it is something you can help me with, but I thought I should at least ask."

Mick frowned, "I can't help you if you don't ask" he reminded her gently. "What's wrong, Amelia?"

"I need some ingredients to make a potion," Amelia blurted out before she changed her mind, her eyes fixed on the table, her voice shaking. "It's... a potion that will prevent me from getting pregnant," she whispered.

She waited for Mick's reply, dreading his reaction.

After a moment of silence, she looked up to find him staring at her, a deep crease etched in the space between his brows. His blue eyes filled with confusion as they locked with hers, his jaw clenching as his expression turned serious. He let out a heavy sigh before running his hands through his dark ginger hair.

"I know this must be uncomfortable for you Amelia," he began, his voice gentle. "but please don't feel embarrassed about talking to me about this, it's perfectly understandable given what has happened."

Amelia blushed and dropped her gaze, staring down at the table once more as her hands began to tremble. Her eyes welled up as her chest tightened, tears threatened to spill over as the shame and humiliation overwhelmed her. She tried to fight back her emotions but couldn't stop her tears from falling, a sob escaped her lips as she began to cry. She hated herself, hated what Alistair did to her and the space he had taken up in her mind.

Mick wrapped an arm around Amelia and pulled her into a hug. She didn't fight him as her sobs wracked through her body. He rubbed her back and let her cry against his chest, trying to offer comfort. Amelia felt pathetic, but at the same time, Mick's kindness helped calm her down. When she was finally able to compose herself, she sat upright and wiped away her tears with the sleeve of her shirt.

"Thank you, Mick," she mumbled as she looked at him through red-rimmed eyes. "I'm sorry I lost control, I hate crying."

Mick gave her a sympathetic smile before handing her a handkerchief.

Amelia accepted the cloth gratefully, drying her tears and blowing her nose loudly. After a few minutes of silence, Amelia turned to Mick with an embarrassed smile, she hoped that the redness on her cheeks from her tears would be attributed to embarrassment rather than embarrassment for what she had been through.

"I know of some potions that will help with that." Mick offered gently, his voice quiet as if he didn't want anyone to overhear him. "You don't need to make it yourself, let us care for you."

Amelia felt relieved by Mick's kindness and his desire to protect her privacy.

"Thank you." Amelia mumbled as she stared at the floor once more. Mick's hand came to rest on her shoulder and she looked up to meet his gaze again. He offered her a soft smile, his expression kind and comforting.

"You're a good person, Amelia. We look out for our own," Mick explained gently before taking her hand in his and giving it a comforting squeeze.

The war had changed Mick. The once carefree, funny man was now hardened by loss, he was a stern and strict leader, and he wasn't as soft as he once was. He had to make harsh decisions in the face of an enemy who wanted us dead, he had to make choices that affected people's lives and he had to do it without hesitating, he had to protect people from themselves as well as the enemy.

It had changed them all, war changes you, Amelia thought, but Mick seemed to have had a greater effect on him, the years of conflict had hardened him and made him a fierce defender of their cause.

He'd been one of the first to organise the Alliance against King Snipe and the Night Whisperers and he'd seen his fair share of action. Amelia remembered how much fun she had training at the Crystal Temple, Mick was a tutor and a great one at that. His jokes and easy-going manner made him a popular choice among students. Amelia felt safe in his company.

"I'll have the potions taken to your room in discreet containers. And Amelia, I hate to inform you... I am very sorry to say," he sighed uncomfortably, looking away from her, "Alistair has requested to see you at the same place tomorrow evening, 6 pm sharp."

He swallowed and gave her a sympathetic look. "But, you don't have to go... I can see how it has impacted you."

Her stomach dropped. She knew she didn't really have a choice. She had to go. She was loyal to the Alliance and knew that the information Alistair could provide was essential. They would be defeated without it. Mick would never have asked her to make this deal with Alistair if it wasn't incredibly important.

But, still, she felt like she might vomit.

Amelia nodded weakly.

"You are allowed to decline the invitation," Mick informed her carefully. "I don't want you to do anything you are not comfortable with."

She shook her head in reply and whispered, "I know. It's fine." She sighed as she rubbed her arms absentmindedly, "I'll do what needs to be done."