Filthy Commitments

Asia

Asia

The big fat F stared back at me as my eyes glossed over. That was the third test I’d failed in my Data Extraction class. One more failed test and I’d have to repeat the class. And that would cost me, dearly.

I had one other class that was giving me fits. I knew I’d fail that one too if I couldn’t wrap my head around the concept of statistical models. I had no idea becoming a Statistics Analyst would be so damn hard!

High school had been a breeze for me. I'd sailed through it with nothing but high A’s. I was awarded a full scholarship to Rutgers University in New Brunswick, New Jersey. It wasn’t too far away from my home in Queens, New York, but far enough away that I got to practice being an adult.

There were stiff stipulations to the scholarship, though. Fail a class, and I would lose it. The whole thing. It paid for my classes, books, dorm room and all my meals on campus. If I lost that scholarship, I’d lose everything. And I had one more year of school to get through. All would’ve been wasted.

Since I had everything covered, I didn’t have a job, not even a part-time one that I could maybe get more hours at during the summer to build up some money to be able to take those classes over again, plus the others I’d need to graduate.

My parents didn’t have much, but maybe they could pull it together to help me out. I’d come too far to just quit. I made a call to my mother to feel her out about some financial help. “Hi, Mom. How’s it going?”

She made a long, drawn out sigh that already told me things weren’t going well. “Your father was laid off yesterday. After fifteen years as a delivery driver, they up and cut him in the first round of layoffs. Can you believe that, Asia? Now, he and I will have to get by on what I make as an administrative assistant at the law office.”

So, they were out!

“That’s terrible news. How’s Dad taking it?” I wadded up the failed test and threw it in the wastebasket. Then I slumped my way to lay on my bed in the dorm I shared with my roommate, Stacy.

“You know your dad, he’s taking it hard. He sees it as something personal, which I’ve told him it isn’t. He’s one of their highest paid workers. Of course, the company has to get rid of the employees who are paid the most. It’s just finances.”

“Poor Dad. And how are my sisters? I haven’t had time to call them with all the end of the semester testing.”

“Spring is about to pop. She and Max are super excited that their first born is almost here. You’ll have to try to make it to see her after she has the baby, Asia. I know South Dakota is a ways from here, but she’s your sister, and she’s worth it.”

“I’ll do my best.” I had no idea how I’d be able to get my a*s to South Dakota with no money, but I wasn’t about to burden my mother with that.

“Rainbow and Stewart took their brood of three and moved to Alaska. How crazy is that?”

I huffed and rolled over. My sisters were living their dreams as I was failing mine. “That’s pretty crazy. What made them want to leave Washington to go way up there?”

“Stewart got a job as a park ranger in some park in Alaska, so they up and moved. Bow says the kids are happy. She’s going to homeschool them because they live in the middle of nowhere.”

“Damn, she’s brave.”

“I know! And how about you, my baby girl?”

I wasn’t about to let it all out. No matter how bad I felt, I couldn’t do that to her. “Me? Oh, I’m fine. I’m getting a job this summer.”

“Oh, yeah, what kind?”

I drummed my fingers on the yellow pillow cover as I conjured up a job. “Um, it’s a job in retail. I mean, I don’t have it yet. I have classes to finish, but once I’m free, then I should get the job.”

“Only one more year of school too. I bet you’re getting all types of excited about that. Next year will be your last!”

This would be my last year if I couldn’t come up with a way to make about ten thousand dollars. Again, Mom didn’t need to be bothered with that. “Yep. I am all types of excited alright.”

“So, what are your plans, Asia? Where will you be once you’ve accomplished your goal of a Master’s degree?”

“I guess I’ll get a job in New York. That’s always been what I thought I’d do. I have to do a year of interning next year. Maybe the company that hires me on will keep me.”

I had no idea how I’d do a year of intern work. That paid next to nothing. I’d have to do that, take classes, and take on a part-time job somewhere in between it all.

How was I going to do all that?

It was hopeless. I’d never be able to do it all. And even if I could, I doubted there would be enough money to pay for classes, books, and the dorm room. I was f****d!

It was then that I had to contemplate for the first time that I’d end up just like my parents. Uneducated and living by the skin of my teeth. A chill ran through me.

I had to find a way to pay for school. My parents were in their fifties. Dad had lost his job and chances were, at his age, he’d have hell finding another one. And if he did, it wouldn’t pay nearly as much as he was making at the job he’d had for years.

“New York is so expensive to live in, Asia. You should think about coming back to Queens. I’m sure you could commute. Maybe live here with your father and me for a while. You could help out with the bills. I don’t think your father is going to get another job that pays as well as the one he's lost.”

And there it was. They needed me. Guilt piled up on me like a ton of bricks.

“Yeah, I could do that, Mom. You can count on me. I’ll figure it all out. I will. You and Dad took good care of us all, I can help you out when I get a good job after I graduate. You’ll have to hold out until then, but I’ll be there for you guys. I promise.”

The sigh of relief she made had my heart hurting. My parents were in dire straits. Any savings they had would run out, and they’d be left living on crumbs. I had to make it all work out. There were no other choices. I’d do whatever I had to.

“You have no idea how good that is to hear, Asia. I’d never ask this of you if I had any other choice. I’m going to tell my boss that I need a raise and we’ll get rid of any bills we can. I don’t want you to have to live with us forever. The house will be paid off in five years. If you can live with us and help us until that bill is gone, then we’ll be fine after that.”

Five years!

I couldn’t let her know how much that affected me. “I can do that, Mom.”

“You’re such a good girl, Asia. I know I’ve told you that a million times, but I have to say it again. You’re good as gold. Always such a good girl and my little helper. I don’t know what we’d do without you. Your sisters have their own lives and families, I could never ask them for anything. But you’re alone and will have a great paying job in just a bit over a year. We can make it until then. We have enough in savings to do that.”

“I’m glad I can help. So, let me get off here and check out the internet to start searching for a summer job.”

“Hold on. Why do you suddenly need a job? I mean, your scholarship pays for everything.”

She finally caught on that things weren’t exactly alright with me. “I might have to pay some, that’s all. Don’t worry.”

“Why would you have to pay some all of a sudden?”

I was squirming for an answer when one came to me. “Extra classes that the scholarship won’t cover. I want to take a few extra classes.”

“Oh,” she sounded relieved. “For a moment there I thought you were having some problems of your own. You’d tell me if you were, right?”

With all the s**t she had on her, why would I do a thing like that?

“Sure, I would, Mom. I gotta go. Love you.”

“Love you. Talk to you soon.”

I ended the call and buried my face in the pillow. I was up s**t creek without a paddle, as my granddad used to say. With no clue of how I was going to make it all work, I did what any girl does. I started to cry.