Chapter 6
1032 Words
I woke up gasping, my heart racing.
My alarm clock read 3:00 a.m. I looked around the room, and everything was normal. My dad was sound asleep across the hall. It was just a nightmare, nothing more.
But the words they'd spoken had cut deep.
Deep down, I worried they were true. Would I be able to go to college? I'd always been told I was smart, and the tests I'd taken seemed to indicate the same. But would the stuttering and my difficulty with speaking really hold me back? Would my handicap doom me?
And then there were the other things they'd said, Dad especially. I knew Dad would never say anything so hurtful in real life, but there was a part of me that wondered if, deep down, he didn't really think it.
He was the most important person in my life, and his approval meant the world to me. But... I mean, look at me! How could he possibly be proud of me when I was such a mess?
It was like, every time I saw my reflection, I was reminded of just how inadequate I was. I'd never be as pretty as Annie. Hell, I'd never be as pretty as most girls. I'd always have my stutter. I'd probably never have a boyfriend, or even real friends for that matter.
And what kind of career prospects could I hope for when I could barely talk?
I wanted to be confident. I wanted to believe in myself and know that I was worthy. But I just didn't really believe it was true...
I knew going back to sleep wasn't in the cards. My body was wired, and I could feel adrenaline coursing through my veins. My brain was firing a million miles an hour.
I didn't want to wake Dad up. It was 3am, and there was no good reason bother him. But with the dream still fresh in my mind. All the hurtful things he'd said, I really felt like I needed to see him. I needed to remind myself that those were just my fears talking, not reality.
I slipped out of bed and snuck out of my room. I went across the hall and slowly opened the door to the master bedroom. I tiptoed inside and found Dad fast asleep in bed.
He was lying on his side, facing away from me. I carefully walked over to him, and then slowly reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder.
He stirred, and I panicked, pulling my hand away.
"Hmm, Hannah?" he murmured, "What are you doing awake?"
"Um... I...uh..." I struggled to find the words.
Dad rolled over and propped himself up on his elbows.
"What's the matter, sweetheart?" he asked, his eyes filled with concern, "Are you okay?"
I wanted to answer, but it was like my mouth was frozen.
"Hannah, honey, what's wrong?" Dad asked again.
"I...um... I'm s...s..sorry," I stammered out, "I didn't want to wake you, it's just...."
"Shhh, it's alright," Dad said, reaching out and putting his hands on my shoulders, "It's alright, take your time."
I took a deep breath and let it out.
"I had a bad dream," I confessed, "A really b...bad dream."
Saying it out loud like that made me feel like such a little kid, waking Dad up in the middle of the night because I had a nightmare. It was pathetic.
"Oh honey, I'm sorry," Dad said, "Do you want to talk about it?"
"N...n...no, it... it's just," I said, shaking my head, "Do... do you th...think I'm st...stupid? D..do you think I'm a f...f...failure?"
Dad's eyes went wide.
"What!? Hannah, why would you ever think that?"
"I'm a m...m...mess, dad," I said, the tears starting to fall, "I can't...I can't talk right. I'm not g...g...good looking. I don't even have fr... friends. How could y...y...you not th... think it?"
"Hannah, stop this right now," Dad said, his voice stern, "I don't know where you're getting these ideas, but they are wrong, do you understand me?"
"Bu..bu..."
"No buts, Hannah," he interrupted, "You're not a mess, and you're certainly not stupid. You're a brilliant, beautiful, talented young woman. Do you hear me? You're my daughter, and I love you. Nothing will ever change that."
"B...but dad, I..."
"No, Hannah, listen to me," Dad said, "I don't want to hear any more of this nonsense, okay?"
I sniffled and nodded, tears still rolling down my cheeks.
"I'm sorry," I said, "I... I'm sorry. I'm be... being so stupid over a sil... a silly dr... dream."
"Shh, no, don't apologize," Dad said, taking my hands in his, "I'm glad you came to me. I know things have been hard lately, but it's important you remember that you can always come to me with anything, no matter what."
"Th... thanks Dad," I said.
"Of course, honey," Dad replied, "Now, we should both try to get some sleep, okay? Can you do that?"
I nodded.
"Okay," I said.
"Come here," he said, wrapping his arms around me, and pulling me into a tight embrace, "I love you so much, Hannah."
"I love you t... too," I said, hugging him back, tears starting to form in my eyes.
We stayed like that for a long moment, and I could feel all the fear and anxiety and self-loathing that had built up inside me slowly start to melt away. This was where I was supposed to be, in my Dad's arms, knowing he would always be there for me.
I pulled back and gave him a teary smile.
"Thank you," I said.
"No problem, sweetie," Dad said, returning the smile, "Would you like to sleep here tonight?
"Can...can I?"
"Of course," Dad said, "Just don't hog the covers, okay?"
"Okay," I giggled, climbing into bed next to him.
He lay back down and closed his eyes. I cuddled up next to him, resting my head on his chest. I could feel his heartbeat, steady and strong.
I was safe. I was loved. Everything was going to be alright.
I fell asleep listening to his breathing, feeling his chest rise and fall.
I didn't have any more bad dreams that night.
- Writer
