CHAPTER 6 A HEART UNCERTAIN
1443 Words
As Elena and Lavinia made their way back towards the main house, Elena noticed how quiet Lavinia had suddenly become.
She knew Lavinia to be a very outspoken person, even though most of the household knew her as a quiet and reserved young lady.
Lavinia had always been kind to the servants, and Elena had often defended her whenever some of them spoke poorly of her. Some believed Lavinia was proud simply because she hardly spoke to them. Others had even concluded that Lavinia was only close to Elena because her mother was favoured by the lady of the house.
But none of that mattered to Elena.
She knew Lavinia's heart.
She knew that beneath her quiet nature was a kind young woman who would never deliberately look down upon another person.
Elena slipped her arm around Lavinia's.
“Is there something troubling you?” she asked, her voice filled with concern.
“Nothing,” Lavinia replied.
Elena stopped walking.
“You know I am the only person you cannot lie to.”
Lavinia looked at her.
She knew Elena was right. Somehow, Elena could always see through her lies, no matter how carefully she tried to hide them.
The truth was that she was troubled.
She could not stop thinking about the marriage.
She did not know the man she was to marry. Would he love her? Would she love him?
Unlike Elena, Lavinia had never paid much attention to matters of the heart. She had never fallen for anyone before, nor had she ever felt the sort of affection Elena so often spoke about.
Elena, on the other hand, seemed to know everything there was to know about love. She was what Lavinia often jokingly called a lover queen. There always seemed to be some young man trying to gain her attention, and Elena was far more experienced in such matters than she was.
How, then, was Lavinia expected to marry?
“Have you lost your words, ma'am?” Elena asked jokingly, waving a hand before Lavinia's face.
Lavinia blinked and returned from her thoughts.
“I am bothered,” she finally admitted.
“About what?”
Lavinia rolled her eyes at her.
“I do not know what is wrong with you. Do not give me that look.”
“About my marriage,” Lavinia said, her voice carrying a slight cry of frustration.
Elena's expression softened.
“Oh, that. You do not need to bother yourself about it.”
“How can I not?”
“I shall make sure you look so beautiful that day,” Elena said happily. “I shall even be your personal handmaid.”
“That is not what I mean,” Lavinia said, stamping her foot lightly.
“Then what is it?” Elena asked curiously.
Lavinia hesitated.
“I do not know if I shall be able to love him.”
Elena became quiet for a moment before answering.
“You will love him. He is to be your husband. It may take time, but you shall surely come to love him.”
Lavinia lowered her gaze.
“I hope you are right.”
Elena gave her a thoughtful look.
“Have you truly never liked anyone?”
Lavinia raised an eyebrow.
“Why are you asking me that?”
“Because you speak as though love is some terrible illness.”
“It is not.”
“You make it sound like one.”
Lavinia laughed softly.
“I simply do not understand it.”
“That is because you have never allowed yourself to understand it.”
“And you have?”
Elena immediately smiled.
“Perhaps.”
Lavinia looked at her with disbelief.
“You?”
“Yes, me.”
“You speak as though you have loved half the young men in the county.”
Elena placed a hand upon her chest, pretending to be offended.
“Half the county? That is an exaggeration.”
“It is not.”
“It is.”
Lavinia laughed.
“I cannot remember the last time a young man did not try to speak with you.”
“That is because I am charming.”
“You are shameless.”
“And you are jealous.”
“I am certainly not.”
Elena laughed and continued walking, pulling Lavinia along with her.
“Very well, I shall tell you something. Having young men speak to you does not mean you are in love with them.”
Lavinia glanced at her.
“Then why do you entertain them?”
“I do not entertain all of them.”
“You certainly entertain enough of them.”
“That is different.”
“How?”
Elena thought for a moment.
“Some are amusing. Some are kind. Some are handsome. And some simply enjoy hearing themselves speak.”
Lavinia laughed again.
“So you have never loved any of them?”
Elena's smile faded slightly, though her expression remained calm.
“I have liked some of them.”
“That is not the same thing.”
“No, it is not.”
They walked in silence for a few moments.
Elena then continued.
“Love is not merely having someone write you letters or finding excuses to see you. It is knowing someone well enough to understand them, even when they do not speak. It is trusting them. It is feeling safe enough to show them the parts of yourself that you hide from everyone else.”
Lavinia listened carefully.
“You speak as though you know it very well.”
“Perhaps I have read too many books.”
“That must be it.”
Elena smiled.
“But I do know one thing. You cannot force love.”
Lavinia looked at her.
“Then what am I supposed to do?”
“Do not force yourself to love him.”
“But you just told me I would.”
“I said you might. There is a difference.”
Lavinia considered her words.
“What if I never do?”
“Then you will have to live with that.”
Lavinia's eyes widened.
“That is not very comforting.”
“I am trying to be honest with you.”
“I would rather you lie.”
Elena laughed.
“You see? This is why I cannot tell you anything.”
Lavinia smiled, but her expression soon became thoughtful again.
“What if he expects me to love him?”
“Then he shall have to wait.”
“What if he does not wish to wait?”
“Then that is his problem.”
Lavinia looked at Elena with a small smile.
“You make everything sound so simple.”
“It is not simple. But worrying about what has not yet happened will not make it easier.”
Lavinia sighed.
“I suppose you are right.”
“I usually am.”
“You are becoming unbearable.”
“I have always been unbearable. You simply never noticed.”
They both laughed.
For a moment, Lavinia forgot about the marriage.
Then the thought returned.
“The Beaumont family are well known,” Elena continued, trying to reassure her. “I have never heard anything terrible said about them. So, you may rest assured that you are going to a respectable family.”
“But respectable families can still be unhappy ones.”
Elena looked at her.
“That is true.”
Lavinia clasped her hands together.
“I just pray that I shall be happy.”
She lifted her face towards the sky as though offering the words directly to Heaven.
“Amen,” Elena replied, imitating her.
For a moment, they stared at one another.
Then they both burst into laughter.
Their laughter had barely faded when a servant approached them.
“Miss,” the servant said, giving a small courtesy.
Lavinia straightened.
“Yes?”
“The lady of the house has sent for you.”
“My mother?”
“Yes, Miss.”
“Very well. I shall be there shortly.”
The servant gave another small curtsy before turning and walking away.
Lavinia looked towards the stairs.
“I had better go and meet my mother. I do not wish to keep her waiting.”
“Very well. Catch me later,” Elena replied.
Lavinia smiled before gathering her skirts slightly and hurrying towards the stairs.
Elena watched her disappear into the house.
She wondered what Lady Vivienne wished to discuss with her.
Lavinia already knew.
Her mother would want to speak to her about the marriage.
And this time, Lavinia was ready to listen.
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