RESTART

Optimistic future

Claire's p.o.v.

I think maybe this could actually turn out to be a good thing for me. He said I could choose any position I wanted and considering I might have lost that other job, that it wasn't even something I was looking forward to doing, I could actually benefit from this as much as he would from me.

This Alexander person wasn't so bad after all, he seemed quite honest at the end and I think we could get along as employer and employee. He told me to speak directly with his secretary for the position openings and I honestly do think his heart is set on the right thing. I still can't believe how disgusting someone can be towards their own child. That was what actually got to me. That poor woman and what a life she must have had, being brought up, only so that she could one day serve such a purpose. I feel my stomach turn and I shake my mind from the thought. This feels right in so many ways after all. And although at one point I thought he was coming on to me, I was wrong. I realised that when he told me he was glad I had a husband and that this only clarified our business relationship status.

What would I do, when my husband would never show up? Why should he know? It' not like we will be actual friends for him to notice. We would only pretend to be friends in front of his father and obviously, as soon as the contracts would be signed, it wouldn't even matter. But then, what if he fires me after? When everything is settled and he won't need me anymore. I will indeed sleep on it, as I haven't made up my mind yet.

Stop! Let go of me! Get off of me! I can't breathe! It's too hot. Someone, help me please.

I wake up to this same nightmare once more. I am dripping wet from sweat and my heart is pounding. I am breathing heavily and it feels like I am suffocating. I have to take something to get rid off these damn nightmares.

I walk out at the room's balcony and I light a cigarette. It's a nasty habit I caught back when ... well then! Tomorrow I'll be getting those pills from the pharmacy. If I am to wake up and go to work every day, I can't really keep up with my insomnia and eating disorder.

Now that I think about it, I did manage to eat a big portion of that spaghetti the other day when Alexander took me to that restaurant. I catch myself smiling at the thought and I am so satisfied with myself for making this lifechanging decision. Yes, I made up my mind! Everything would work out for me and I would escape my suicidal thoughts. I have to find a meaning and give my life a new purpose.

It's only 4 in the morning and I am stupid enough to text Alexander that I've made my decision and that I needed his secretary's phone to go through my options. I am holding in my hands, this black little business card and I read it carefully. Mr. Alexander Ronald Anderson, general manager. I remember him saying that he gave me the one with his personal phone written on it and that not many people had this.

Shit! Only now I realise it's 4 in the morning. Urg... I am so stupid. He 'll think I am crazy and reconsider his offer. I wish I could take back the message. In between my thoughts my iPhone illuminates, making that notification sound telling me I have an sms, but I am afraid to read it.

*Great! Thank you. I really appreciate this! *

I feel so relieved and I am smiling again. Being happy about something even as small as this, might be so simple and happen often for some people, but I wasn't smiling or feeling anything really, no longer than a week ago, so this was a big deal to me. I was so tired of the emotional exhaustion I was experiencing, that I had gone numb. My tears had dried out and my voice was locked. I felt a familiar burn while making these thoughts and I promise myself to avoid them in any cause.

I was startled when the phone vibrated again.

*What are you doing up this late? *

*I just woke up; sorry I didn't realize how early it was. *

*Don't be. I wasn't sleeping either. I will see you tomorrow. *

Alexander's p.o.v.

I put the phone on the night stand and instead of being angry for the disruption of my sleep, I am smiling. Obviously, I am more relieved with how things worked out, than what I thought I would ever be. Why did I bother to lie about me being awake at 4 a.m.? I think my subconscious is looking out for me. I can't afford to upset her and ruin everything that I 've worked so much for. I even broke the law just to get her phone, so that I could find her again.

I wonder if this was the only way. Couldn't I hire an actress to play that role? No! What if my father found out? If he ever found out that I hired an actress to prove my point he would surely cut me off and he would be right to do so.

I see Claire smiling, siting on a swing that is hanging from a tree's branch. The sun is shining and her hair looks blonder. She looks happy and younger, when suddenly the branch breaks and she falls hard in the dirt. She is now crying and covered in black mud. The sky has turned dark and she screams in frustration.

I wake up covered in sweat. Why the f**k did I have this dream? How could I remember her facial features in such detail, while dreaming? I don't think I have ever seen so much pain in real life. The pain wasn't physical, it was emotional and deep. I haven't had a nightmare for a long time now, what was this all about? Was this a bad sign?

I get up to take a shower just 5 minutes before my phone's alarm went off. I am already in the shower when I hear that annoying sound and I try to ignore it. I chose the most irritating high-pitched sound, because I am a heavy sleeper that doesn't take mornings kindly, as I am not a morning person and I hate waking up to the alarm. I have smashed my phone to the wall one too many times before, but I prefer to wake up annoyed by it, rather than not waking up on time, as I hate being late even more.

I put on my favourite suit, after shaving, as I want to look my best today. I do feel very optimistic and I am strangely delighted that I will see Claire again. She is like a little challenge to me, looking nothing like any other woman I knew and that was very intriguing and new to me. I take a last look at the mirror and I think I am ready to charm her. Although she is married I will have my way with her. I always do!