Chapter Twenty-Two
Ida
The overhead lights are too blinding. The microphone too close. There are too many people on this set. Tamara has too much expectation in her glance. Most of all, I can’t rely on my brain. I can’t go on instinct or switch to auto-pilot. I have to say these lines and I’m not sure I can. It’s as though all the years I’ve lied about who I really am have come back to bite me in the ass in this moment. All the emotions I have denied myself have been compressed into this vast expanse of unease in my chest. I’m somehow certain that when Tamara yells ‘Action’ my voice will let me down, my throat will close up, and I might as well stop calling myself an actor.
All of this is happening because all I can really see is Faye. How she yielded to my touch. How it felt to be insi
