About That Kiss

Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Faye

Tradition has it that, if she’s in town, my best friend Ava prepares me a post-table-read feast for dinner. Not only is she in town, but her wife is one of the writers of the movie, so I’m expecting Ava to have gone all out tonight. We’re neighbors and to get to Ava’s house all I have to do is walk along the beach for a minute.

“Is it just you?” I ask, when I kiss her hello on the deck overlooking the ocean.

“Charlie’s with Liz. She said not to expect her home before midnight. Apparently, the table-read has brought some screenplay issues to light that can only be fixed tonight.”

I bring a hand to my chest in mock horror. “I hope my performance wasn’t too inadequate.”

Ava pours me a glass of Cristal and hands it to me. “You know it’s not you.”

“Just one drink tonight. Starring alongside Ida Burton…” I shake my head. “I don’t know.”

“Tell me about her.” We sit, and I stare at the lowering sun reflecting on the surface of the ocean for a few moments. No matter how stressful a day, coming home to Malibu and being near the water always calms me. Sitting next to Ava with a glass of champagne in my hand also helps.

“She was perfectly lovely, but…” I sigh because I know I will sound like the biggest Hollywood cliché. “She looked so damn good. Like she’d been through full hair and makeup. It was only a table read, goddammit.”

Ava chuckles. “Did she make you feel outshined?”

I nod. I wouldn’t admit this to many other people and I’m secretly glad Charlie’s not here, although Ava will probably tell her later. One of the things I’ve always liked most about Ava Castaneda is that she has never taken any of this Hollywood bullshit seriously. She has always done exactly as she pleased without caring about the possible consequences to her image and her employment. It hasn’t made any difference because, even though her house might be more modest than mine, it’s still a Malibu beach house and the view is exactly the same.

“I wrongly assumed I was at the top of the pecking order, what with Ida not having had a hit in so long, but… when she walks into a room, everything stops. The vibe changes completely. It’s like she has this magnetic forcefield around her. I watched some of her older movies to prepare and even in the worst, most cringeworthy ones, she dazzles. She lifts up the entire movie. It’s crazy.”

“Yet, she’s not the blockbuster machine you are.”

“She just hasn’t worked as much as I have.”

“Hence, you should be rewarded for all your hard work and get top billing for this one.” Ava leans toward me. “I’ll tell Charlie to treat you with more deference,” she jokes.

“Please, don’t. It’s all good, you know. I’m not interested in a Hollywood cat fight about who gets more attention on set. But you know this movie has me more nervous than others.”

“I know, Faye, but it really shouldn’t. Look at what Underground has done for Elisa Fox. Playing gay is not the death sentence it used to be to an actor’s career—on the contrary. Elisa’s the best paid actor in the world because of her part in Underground.”

“Still. It’s different.”

“We’ve been over this a million times.” Ava was the one who convinced me it was time for someone ‘of my caliber’ to do this movie. The fact that her wife co-wrote it might have also had something to do with it.

“I know. I need to get used to the idea, now that it’s all becoming very real. Having just read the entire manuscript out loud makes it real. Now I’m in this weird, kind of stressful limbo before shooting starts.”

“Look at it from a different perspective. You’re privileged to be able to play this part. Even Ida Burton wants to come out of semi-retirement to be in it. You have no idea how lucky you are.” She drums her fingertips on the table, then says, “I asked Charlie if I could audition for the part of Veronica.” Ava huffs out some air through her teeth.

“You did?”

The finger drumming becomes more agitated.

“What happened?” This is the first I’ve heard of this. Ava’s been up and down about wanting to pursue a career in acting for as long as I’ve known her.

“What happened is that I almost filed for divorce.”

I straighten my spine and look at her in disbelief. “Why?”

“You know Charlie. She can be insufferable sometimes.”

Charlie is one of the sweetest people I’ve come across in this town. “What did she say?”

“Charlie believes she has this sixth sense when it comes to actors and their acting abilities and according to her, I don’t have the required ability.”

“Oh my god.” Charlie’s brave, I give her that, but perhaps also a little insensitive to what her wife wants to hear. “She actually said that to you?”

Ava nods. “This was before Ida was even in the picture for the part of Veronica.” She shrugs, but I can tell it still stings.

“Did you really want to audition for the part?” Now that I’ve done the table-read opposite Ida, it has become impossible to imagine anyone else as Veronica—such is the power of Ida Burton. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because…” She expels another deep sigh. “After I told my wife—the woman I married and who is supposed to love me and believe in me more than anyone else—and my beloved wife proceeded to tell me to stop dreaming already, how could I possibly make even more of a fool of myself by telling anyone else, let alone Faye Fleming?”

“Are you okay about this?”

“I shouldn’t have tried to muscle in on Charlie’s movie, I do get that.” Her tone conveys some unprocessed hurt. “She and Liz wrote it with the purpose of casting massive A-listers like yourself and Ida. But still. A little more spousal support would have been nice.”

“Charlie adores you, though.”

“As she should.” Some glee is starting to come through Ava’s voice again.

“So you’re not getting a divorce any time soon?” I still feel like I should make certain.

Ava scoffs. “I’m not going to divorce her now, am I? This movie’s bound to be an even bigger hit than Underground.”

“If Ida and I don’t mess it up.” I relax my shoulders. Ava’s probably been laying it on thick, but I’m no expert at relationships so it’s good to have reassurance. “I can put you in touch with the best acting coaches in the business, if you want.”

“I should get really good at acting behind her back, if only to prove Charlie wrong.” Ava empties her glass. “But what if she’s right, though?”

“Didn’t you just renew your Knives Out contract for another three seasons?” I hold up my almost empty champagne flute.

“That I did.” Ava tops up our drinks, ignoring what I said earlier about only having the one. “Now let’s talk about something other than work.” She pins her gaze on me. “Any eligible men in the room for you today? Who plays Veronica’s brother again?”

“Robert Glazer,” I say.

Ava mulls this over. “He’s cute. Is he single?”

“I have no idea,” I say half-chuckling. “But I’m really not interested in starting some on-set romance. I’m not interested in starting any kind of romance…” I pause. I want to tell Ava something else. Something I haven’t told anyone. “I’ve been thinking about making a change in my life.”

“What’s that?”

I glance at her sideways. She stares straight ahead. I follow her example. Everything is more easily divulged when staring at the ocean.

“Adoption.”

Her face turns swiftly in my direction. Her eyes are wide as she glances at me. “For real?”

“Human adoption,” I specify. “As in a child. Not a cat or dog.”

“Damn.” She narrows her eyes. “I did not see that coming, Faye, but yeah, why not?”

“Because becoming a single mother is terrifying,” I say. “Because there are so many unknown factors. Because I have no idea if I’d be any good at parenting.”

“Have you taken any concrete steps?”

I shake my head. “I know I haven’t got that much time to waste, what with me swiftly approaching fifty.”

“You don’t have to adopt a newborn baby, unless that’s what you want,” Ava says.

“It’s tough figuring out all of this on my own.”

“You don’t have to do it on your own. You know I’m always here for you.” Ava turns to me fully. “I’m glad you told me.”

“I’ll do this movie first and then I’ll make my final decision. Then, I either do it or I don’t.” I look away briefly. “After Brian and I tried to conceive and it never happened—even after we separated—the thought of becoming a mother has always stayed with me, like this tiny fire burning deep inside me. It’s been flickering for more than ten years now. It makes me wonder what I’ve been afraid of for so long.”

“It’s a big decision and, well, things happen. Time passes. Before you know it, you’re fifty years old.”

“I do know that I want it. It’s not the desire to be a mother that I doubt. It’s whether I’ll be a good one that’s holding me back.”

“If every potential parent thought like that, none of us would be here.”

“Yeah, but you know what I mean. I have money and I have privilege and, god knows, so much love to give, but there are no guarantees.”

“Darling.” Ava puts a hand on my arm. “Look at me.”

I turn my gaze away from the ocean and look into Ava’s beautifully peaceful face.

“There’s no doubt in my mind you will be the world’s best mother. I mean it. You’re kind and smart and funny. You’re Faye f*****g Fleming. Any child you adopt will be the luckiest little prince or princess on this planet.”

I erupt into a chuckle. “If you put it like that.”

“How else am I going to convey the truth?” Ava says this so matter-of-factly, I have no choice but to believe her.