The Runaway Boy

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER TEN

TOMMY SCRUBBED HIS body clean under the pressure of the shower water three times over. By the time he was finished, his marred skin was red and sore and sensitive to the touch. He only got out when Mason knocked on the bathroom door to tell him that Sasha had dropped off the food they had ordered at the diner even though it was three hours after the confrontation with Samuel. Tommy got changed into an oversized hoodie and some sweats, he stopped in front of the mirror and grimaced at the reflection staring back at him.

His blond hair had gotten much longer over the last few months, it hung in a curly wet mess around his now dull green eyes. His eye was still badly bruised, but at least the blood had almost left the white of it. The stitches in his eyebrow had closed the cut, but they'd have to stay in for a few more days just to be sure, he couldn't be bothered with any more blood, not when his hip was still leaking.

His skin had paled out from throwing up everything that had been in his stomach, and the dark bags under his eyes hadn't softened out any. He ran his fingertips along his collarbone, which protruded out from the collar of his hoodie. Tommy bit down on the inside of his lip and shook his head in disgust, turning away from the mirror and heading out into the living room. Mason had the first aid kit on the kitchen counter along with the food that Tommy didn't think he could stomach when he could still feel the sting of his open wound on his hip.

"Stitches or food first? Your choice," Mason asked, tapping his fingers against the back of the stool he was leaning against.

"stitches," Tommy muttered as he walked past him and boosted himself up onto the counter, sitting with his legs dangling over the edge. Mason pulled the stool over and sat down just to Tommy's right, his eyes momentarily flicking up to meet his - silently asking permission to touch with his hands hovering just over the hem of Tommy's hoodie. He nodded in response and let Mason pull the hoodie back where Tommy help it up and out of the way.

Tommy didn't look down at it as Mason got to work cleaning the wound, it was a lot easier to look at his face instead. Tommy didn't know what it was, maybe it was the afternoon sun that pierced through the kitchen window that seemed to brighten every feature on Mason's face. His hazel eyes were a piercing golden as if they were a clear reflection of that same sunlight and his mahogany brown hair caught that same enlightenment. He had freckles too, an extremely light dusting that wouldn't be seen in the dark. His undereye bags had cleared as they usually did around this time of day, but Tommy still wanted to brush his thumb under them to see if they would reappear at his touch.

He hadn't talked to Mason about what he said in the car that day when he told Tommy to figure out the feelings he had toward him. He didn't know if it was because he didn't want Mason to like him back in that way or if it was too much. He would be leaving the moment Jonathan caught on to where he was, he thought that it might hurt more if he tore that type of reliability away. He tried to convince himself that it was just a mere physical attraction, but he had always been a terrible liar. He couldn't ignore the way his heart slammed against his chest every time Mason managed to calm him down with his words.

He thought that relying on someone was dangerous, but it only took two weeks to become dependent on Mason Hartford - a man who was silent and still about his own trauma, yet was forcing Tommy to face his own. He'd known for the past two years that the way he shut down his feelings and emotions would be equally as dangerous. He knew that sooner or later they would all come flooding out of him and he wouldn't be able to control it. He just didn't know that Mason would be the person to demolish the walls that he had built so high around himself. He didn't even know when it happened, it just did.

"You are glaring at me again," Mason exclaimed, it was only then that Tommy felt the sting of a needle piercing his skin.

"Does it annoy you?" Tommy grimaced as the needle pierced through the other side of his flesh. Mason flicked his eyes up to Tommy's and shrugged.

"No, what are you thinking about this time?" Mason asked, returning his attention to the stitch. Tommy expected him to tease him like he had last time he had been called out for 'glaring' at him. Instead, Mason seemed to be more curious than anything.

"I'm trying to figure out why I trust you," Tommy told the truth, it was a new thing for him, to speak without warning in his tone or without lies tainting everything he said. It had felt as though his whole life had been a lie right up until he made it to Winchester.

"And how's that going?" Mason replied as if it was nothing more than a different choice between what type of cereal to buy at the supermarket.

"I'm conflicted. I thought you were just an arrogant, apathetic, asshole who somehow manages to talk me into doing s**t I don't want to do, but I think I read you wrong," Tommy mumbled the last part, not entirely wanting to say out loud that he was mistaken.

Mason smirked slightly, his eyebrow quirking up in question. "How so?"

"I'm not going to say it aloud so don't even try fishing for compliments, you jerk..." Tommy grinned, though it was short-lived by one of the stitches. He hissed through gritted teeth and instinctively grabbed hold on Mason's wrist to stop him from going any further. He risked a glance down and saw that it was going through old scar tissue which is why it hurt more than the other two stitches before it.

"You okay?" Mason asked, placing his other hand over Tommy's which he still had clasped around his wrist tightly. With that, he let go and slipped it free of Mason's, gripping hold of the side of the counter at his thigh again, his other hand curling tighter around his hoodie.

"It's fine, I'm used to it by now," Tommy grimaced, what he didn't expect was the dark look that passed across Mason's face. He flicked his golden eyes up at Tommy as his jaw worked for an answer to that, he couldn't help but flinch slightly at that hard stare, he'd only ever seen that look from Mason when it was directed towards Samuel.

"Just because you are used to it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, and it sure as hell doesn't make it fine. You have a terrible habit of pushing down your pain and feelings until it explodes into something you can't control and it's extremely agitating to watch," Mason fumed, looking towards the window so that he obviously didn't have to look at Tommy. Tommy knew that if it was anyone else saying this to him, he would've lashed out, and that confused him so much more. Why was Mason special? Why did he instinctively let him in?

"I know," Tommy exclaimed, he softly reached out and tapped the underpart of Mason's chin without even think of his action first... All he wanted was to have Mason's eyes back on him, even if they were filled with annoyance and anger.

"Do you?" Mason bit back coldly, but that rage was already seeping out when his attention was moved back to Tommy because of the touch.

"Yeah. Before I came here, I'd either jump between contacts or stay in shitty motels, but life was always the same for me. I'd move a couch to the window and sit there, staring out of it for days, too afraid that if I'd move Jonathan would be right there. I can't control when I get depressed, it just happens, and it's immobilizing because I feel absolutely nothing... I used to think that was the easier part of my life because when I wasn't like that I had to re-live it all in my dreams and I would always end up running again until I hit my next depressive episode. I've never had someone pull me out of both as you have," Tommy smiled softly, tapping his index finger against Mason's temple.

"Everybody I've run into that has tried to genuinely help me - always looks at me with pity; but not you. You looked at me like you understood everything that was going through my head and why I was doing and saying the things I did. It was like a huge shock to my system, and it was like you said before - I trust you to touch me because I'm not broken like I thought I was... I'm not going to ever ask you why you look at me with so much understanding in your eyes, to be frankly honest, I don't know if I even want to know. The thought of someone else knowing what my brother is capable hurts but if you ever want to tell me - I will listen to every word," Tommy met his eyes, and for a split second, he thought Mason was going to say nothing, and it turns out he was right.

Mason kissed him, and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rested below his ear, his thumb caressing his cheek as their breaths mingled. Tommy moved his legs apart, and Mason instantly stepped between them. Tommy ran his fingers down his spine, pulling him closer until there was no space left between them, and he could feel the beating of his heart against his chest. He didn't care that there was still one stitch to go into his cut, he didn't care that he had just opened up about the most vulnerable part of himself. All he cared about was the heaviness of Mason's lips against his.

The kiss was brief because Mason pulled out abruptly, his eyes opening and hooking on Tommy's gaze, he understood then why the kiss was so unexpectedly short. Mason still had his body pressed against Tommy's, hand on his cheek, lips only centimetres from his. Tommy lost all capability to figure out how his lungs worked, letting Mason's shaky breath warm his lips and sedate any and all awareness he had left. Mason's eyes fluttered down to his lips, then back up to his gaze. He was asking for permission to continue since he hadn't before he started.

Tommy nodded and leaned in, his lips pressing firmly to Mason's again. He tangled his fingers into his brown hair and caught his sweater in his other fist against his moving shoulder blade, deliberately pulling him closer into his body. It only took seconds for their kiss to go from foreign to a warmth of recognition. Tommy kissed him with as much urgency as Mason kissed back. Tommy hadn't kissed anyone like this before, he didn't know it could feel like this.

Mason bit lightly on Tommy's bottom lip, his tongue prodding at where his teeth had been, asking a second time for permission. Tommy gave in instantly and let his lips part, let Mason kiss him senseless. Tommy moved his lips down to Mason's jaw and left a small trail of kisses, not lingering anywhere too long. Mason sucked in a breath as if he was getting annoyed and deprived of his lips, jabbing Tommy in the cheek with his finger, his hand then moving him, so their lips were back together.

Tommy couldn't help but grin into the kiss and smiled some more when Mason pinched his ear lightly as if to tell him to knock it off. He could feel his lips begin to swell slightly, he was enveloped in everything that was Mason. Time crashed down around them, everything that had happened to either of them in the past was nothing, it all meant nothing compared to this moment. He wanted to hold onto this feeling for as long as he could, knowing how easily it could be ripped away.

Mason's hand wandered up from his hip up towards his rips and Tommy instantly froze. He didn't mean too, but his breath hitched in his throat, and every muscle in his body stiffened as his hand shot down and grasped hold of Mason's before it could go any further. Mason immediately stopped and stepped only just out of his space, unable to go any further than that because Tommy still had his arm wrapped around the back of his neck and his hand on his. He didn't want him to go, he just didn't know how to let him touch him either.

He tightens his grip on Mason's jersey at his shoulder and forces himself to breathe through it, gulping air down into his lungs which refused to take it. He didn't want it to end like this, he tried to keep Mason close for as long as possible, but as he struggled to breathe, he felt Mason get further and further away. Tommy kept his eyes down on the space between them, waiting for Mason to take that final step back, his panic growing until his eyes were blurring and his ears were ringing so loud in his ears that he couldn't understand what was going on around him. Right as he thought his world was going to tilt completely over Mason took the step.

Though he stepped back into Tommy's space, a hand firmly pressed on the back of his neck, pulling his face down into his shoulder. Air rushed down into his lungs, and he gasped out to welcome it, his muscles releasing their death grip on his bones. Mason didn't move his hand from his or his neck; instead, he just held on for dear life and waited for him to settle. Tommy unclenched his fingers from his jersey and prodded them around the side of Mason's throat until he found a pulse. He remembered back to his panic attack after Samuel jumped him, he remembered Mason guiding his fingers to his own throat so Tommy could feel his steady pulse. He remembered it working.

"You're with me, Tommy," Mason whispered into his hair, obviously figuring out what Tommy was doing and repeating the same words he said that night.

"I'm sorry," Tommy breathed out finally after catching his breath. "You don't want this," Tommy whispered against Mason's shoulder. He didn't mean to say it out loud, but when he did Mason jerked so violently that it woke him from his panic. 

"What are you talking about? I'm the one that kissed you," Mason said, pulling away only slightly so he could see Tommy's face, his hand moving from the back of his neck to his jaw where it rested. 

Tommy stared up at his face, trying to find any hint of pity, at least then he could call him out on it and say that he was only kissed him because of it. But, like always, there was none. Mason looked down at him with slight confusion, his eyebrows pulled together his lips pressed in a tight line. Tommy sighed tediously, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. It wasn't that he didn't like the kiss, it's that it shouldn't have happened in the first place. He would be gone in a few months, and he would never be coming back. 

"Me," Tommy replied, though all he got in return from Mason was a slight raise of an eyebrow, asking for an elaboration that he didn't particularly want to give.

"I'm not worth it, and before you argue a point that I need more self-confidence, it's not because of that. I'm a mess, and it isn't going to get any better, you can't fix it and I can't either, that is just the way it is. I don't even know where you can touch me without sparking some f****d up s**t, and that isn't fair on you. I don't want you to think you have to take care of me because I have another breakdown, I've been like this for years, and so far it has only been getting worse and worse, so why you would want to be around me at all is beyond me, especially with all the s**t you have seen so far," Tommy knew he sounded like a rambling i***t, but what annoyed him more was the apathetic look Mason gave him through it all. He looked as though he was soaking in every word of it and was not caring one bit about it. 

"I know I can't fix you, I've never once tried to fix you. I know you heard the conversation between Nicky and me last week after you got the s**t beaten out of you by Samuel," he waited for a second, making sure Tommy was following before continuing. "After what your brother put me through I was exactly like you - just like Nicky said and that is why he asked me to help because I can understand better than any of them what is going through your head. I'm not an i***t who thinks that I can fix you because of what I went through or because I have trauma of my own. I'm not going to act like I'm 'fixed' either, because I'm not, but I've had almost three years to learn how to shut it off," Mason explained, and Tommy's heart slammed against his chest to the beat of Mason's two fingers, tapping against his jaw.

"You can't help me, no matter how much you understand about me," Tommy muttered, lowering his eyes to Mason's collar, unable to look at his impassive gaze any longer. 

"I'm hearing a bunch of pointless excuses. If you don't like me just say it and I won't bother you about it again," Mason exclaimed, breathing out a tiresome sigh. Tommy glanced back at up at him to see that his golden eyes were still hooked on him, skipping over his face as if trying to work out what he will say before he even says it. 

"It's not about if I like you, did you forget what my own brother did to you? Why would you even be interested in me after what he did?" Tommy tried to make another excuse, he knew he sounded pathetic, but he couldn't say that all of this would be pointless because he would be gone from his life in a few months. Mason obviously didn't buy it at all. 

"No, I didn't forget. Last I remember, you weren't apart of anything he did to me or my father, so what does he have to do with it?" Mason gave Tommy a moment to find an answer past his stuttering lips, and when he couldn't, Mason took a step back and out of his space. Tommy instantly felt a lot colder as his hands fell limp into his lap, what was he supposed to do with them now?

"Listen, if you don't want me to touch you, then I won't. I won't do anything that you don't want me to do, so are you done? This conversation is getting incredibly boring," Mason exclaimed, and Tommy thought he saw how his composure cracked only slightly as he reached for the first aid kit. But as soon as the crack appeared - it was gone in an instant. Tommy just nodded in reply, not saying another word as Mason continued with the last stitch.