Unbelievable.

3. First Year Of Marriage.

Kahlae’s P.O.V.

Kahlae - “To hell with this f*****g clown, he’s a w***e who still sleeps with every f*****g female, I can’t even hate them because it’s him who entertains them -“

I was cut off

Nayla - “yeah but those slimy w****s are after his money -“

Kahlae - “A lot of them are, yes! But what am I supposed to do when it’s an ‘arranged marriage’ & he is the one not cutting the conversation or actions short, but it is he who instigates it further.”

Nayla - the way you say ‘arranged marriage’ uh .. mmkay ..”

Nayla rolls her eyes and smirks.

Kahlae - “shut up, not the point.”

For a second there’s silence until I speak up again.

Kahlae - “ I think I’m falling for him & I can’t even understand why, I hate his guts for agreeing with this. I had no choice but he on the other hand .. he surely f*****g could have.

Did he choose to?

Nope?

Fuck sakes I hate him but … arrrggghhh.”

I pull at my hair in frustration.

Nayla - “argh well I understand how you must be feeling, and honestly Laelae you know either way, I’ll be here for you. Just don’t be naive in your situation please, I know love makes us vulnerable but it doesn’t make us stupid. You don’t even have to get an A+ in school to know that, you have a big, beautiful heart & your very smart.

Please think of yourself first, but I’m always a call away whenever & wherever.”

When Nayla said that to me I broke down and held on to my best friend - my sister.

I could tell her any & everything.

She knew me inside out, hell if anything she knew me better than I knew myself.

She’s a hard lady & has a mouth as filthy as a sailor, but she is has a beautiful soul my friend does & I would never go against her for the world.

Ever since I had stepped into this marriage she was also against it, but understood why I had to follow through with it.

Slowly she has come to terms with my situation as well as being there for me as much as she can.

Nayla was coming to celebrate my one year anniversary with me - which is today - but because I’ve just told her that my so called husband has still been sleeping around with other females since .. well .. he never stopped & Nayla’s been here comforting me.

Although I ignored it during this first year as best as I could, but it’s slowly getting to me, because I have to play the happy wife in the public eye but he is openly cheating and doesn’t show any signs of remorse.

What the f**k am I really supposed to do about it.

I kept it secret from everyone else, only Nayla knows the truth of what’s happening behind closed doors.

Every night since our wedding night things have been the same.

Every day I will cook breakfast, lunch & dinner.

Damien refuses to eat my food & we never talk.

If ever there is something that he needs from me, he will tell his maid, his personal assistant or anyone else but himself to give me the message.

Other than that we are complete strangers living under the same roof.

I don’t know why it has bothered me lately & I think it is because I’m falling for him, okay not falling for him .. but I guess you could say I’m feeling some type of way towards him if this is starting to bother me.

I’m not that dumb of a human, I do admit my s**t, just not to everyone but myself & Nayla.

The only word I’ve ever heard him say to me was “I do” & that was at our wedding.

Other than that we don’t make conversation.

I’m saying everything, I really can’t complain because although I’ve been getting in my feelings and feeling some type of way towards these situations that are occurring with my ‘arranged husband’ I express myself through my music after venting and crying it out to Nayla.

Nayla - “So come on, what song do you have in you to sing at this moment?”

Kahlae - “mmmm .. I don’t know Nay, I can’t reall-“

Nayla - “ah ah ah, you always give me that bullshit!! Now come on, give it to me.”

She smiled.

We were at my so called ‘home’ so I grabbed her hand and took her to my favourite place in this big, cold, beautiful mansion.

We walked through the giant double doors of the sun room where the piano is & we sat on the chair as I warmed myself up playing a few chords on the piano before I spun around and seen the guitar and a different song came to mind. I practised a couple of chords & strums to see which note I wanted to sing.

I decided to sing, Big White Room By Jessie J.

Kahlae singing ..

“Sitting in a big white room alone

Tilt my head back, feel the tears fall down”

“Close my eyes to see in the dark

I feel young, broken, so, so scared”

“I don't wanna be here anymore

I wanna be somewhere else

Normal and free, like I used to be But I have to stay in this big white room

With little old me”

“I'm going crazy

I'm losing my mind

I'm going crazy

In this big white room of mine”

“I'm going crazy

I'm losing my mind

I'm going crazy

In this big white room of mine”

**I smiled at my friend who was sitting there just listening and watching me.**

“Sitting in a big white room alone

Close the door

Don't want the pain to come in”

“I clench my fist

And try to stay strong

I cry, feel sick

My heart is beating out of control”

“Can I run run faster than you

I wanna feel my body again

Feel the wind in my hair”

“But I have to stay in this big white room

'Cause no one else cares, no”

** I closed my eyes & got absolutely lost in singing with the guitar.**

“I'm going crazy

I'm losing my mind

I'm going crazy

In this big white room of mine”

“I'm going crazy

I'm losing my mind

I'm going crazy

In this big white room of mine”

“Everybody's looking at me

Everybody's staring at me

What do I do now

Smile, yeah”

“Everybody's looking at me

Everybody's staring at me

What do I do now

Smile, yeah”

“I'm going crazy

I'm losing my mind

I'm going crazy

In this big white room of mine”

“I'm going crazy

I'm losing my mind

I'm going crazy

In this big white room of mine”

“I'm going crazy

I'm losing my mind

I'm going crazy

In this big white room of mine”

“I'm going crazy

I'm losing my mind

I'm going crazy

In this big white room of mine”

I finished singing well breathing in and out calming my racing heart down and the butterflies floating in my belly because I haven’t sung with my full voice in a while & it always feels really good.

Coming back to reality, I open my eyes to look over to Nayla & see her smiling beautifully like an i***t.

I put the guitar down and go give her a hug.

I don’t know how I would get through everything if she wasn’t with me.

*************************************