Psalm 22

Chapter 13

“AM I AVOIDING YOU?” I repeated to buy myself some time. “Uh…” I didn’t know what else to do with my hand so I hid them in my jean’s pockets. 

My mind went kaput. “I don’t know.” I managed to say that. 

“Am I making you feel uneasy?” he asked. 

He didn’t come close. That’s good. I demand all the space I need. This is really not a better time for me. I don’t want to be saddled by the thought of disappointing another man. I’ve been on that road before, many times. And every time I don’t get out intact. 

Five times, five guys, twelve grueling years of having to stitch the wounds those relationships left me with. And five times I heard from somebody that they’re getting married. I’ve received wedding invitations and had to decline. 

“These past few days, I’ve been restless. Forgive me for behaving like this,” I said.

“Why?” Now he stepped closer to me. I took a step back. “Tell me what’s wrong. Is it me?” he asked again.

“I think you have a gut feel about this because you didn’t have to ask twice. Will you leave me alone, please?” I want him to leave me alone because I am not ready to say things I cannot take back. When we finally talk, I want to have a clear headspace. 

Henrich took a deep breath and raised his hands in the air. 

“This won’t affect our work, I promise,” I said before I turned my back on him.

“Francess,” he called me.

I stopped and looked at him once again. 

“I’m sorry if I make you feel uneasy. I don’t want you to feel that. I just want to get close to you,” he said as he fidgeted his blunt. “You bake delicious cookies. You take great notes of people you interviewed.”

I stared at the thing he’s holding. “Shush. You said you quit smoking.” I held out my hand and raised it a few times, wanting him to pass it over. “Don’t,” I told him. “Give it to me.”

He handed it to me. “No, it’s true I don’t smoke anymore of any kind. I just thought I’d have the chance to talk with you, be with you… you know.”

I plucked it out of his hands, trying not to touch his hands but he encircled his fingers around mine. “Come on, Henrich.” I’m disentangling his grip.

He bent forward and kissed the back of my hand. As he slowly stood straight, he tapped my hands and let it go. “I’ll see you at work.” He left.

***

MY GO-TO HANGOUT place would be the gazebo at the back of the studio. It was painted white, even the long table and seats inside. I sat, hugged my legs, and laid my head on my kneecaps. 

There was a sudden movement from behind that I had to shoot up straight and look around. A guy in black cap with his head and shoulders dropped as if not wanting to show his face was walking not far from where I was. I didn’t understand what I was seeing because I was sure moments ago of what I assessed as sudden movements. It was just him there, nothing and no one with him. His eyes were all over the place. 

Was he checking out the place? What’s his business here? I knew most of the people working here. This one doesn’t look like he’s working here. He wouldn’t look lost if he was. 

He’s thin but tall. If he would attack me, I’m afraid I wouldn’t last fighting the guy. The fact that he’s watching his surroundings, straining his eyes by the specifics of the place was suspicious enough. 

When he saw me, he stopped moving and started walking backwards. He did that slowly, staring at me and I started to get nervous. I watched him disappear before running back inside the studio. 

Fu/ck me because most of them were high. I looked for Henrich and he was nowhere to be found. I called his cell and thank heavens, he answered. 

I went to him in the recording studio. “Do we have CCTV here?” was the first thing I asked him.

He was alarmed upon seeing me. “What happened? Is everything alright?” He approached me and I let him take me to a couch. 

“There are cameras around the place, right?” again, I asked.

He nodded. “Yes, they have those. Why?”

“Five, ten minutes ago. Timestamp, six twenty, six thirty. Have them check that located near the gazebo. There was a suspicious looking guy.” I was still shaking to my bones.

He stood up and made some calls. When he came back to my side, he said, “That’s taken care of. I’m ordering everyone to leave at once. Do you need a ride?”

“What?” 

“Look, it’s not the first time someone came to us reporting that.” He grabbed his jacket and reached out his hand to me. 

I took it and held it tight. “So, is it something serious? I’m not just imagining things? I’m nervous as hell but it’s not like I really should be basing it from what I saw. And you’re saying this is not the first time? How many times exactly?”

“We’re leaving the studio, Francess.” He looked disappointed by what’s about to go down.

I stopped in my tracks. “What is happening, Henrich?” I asked incredulously.

“I’ll explain everything later.”

I looked at him like I was ready to gut him.

“Okay, fine,” he began. “But we need to gather everyone. Before this day ends, I want everyone packed and ready to leave. We’re investigating this matter right now. It has happened three times already. CJ was the first one to report a suspicious guy checking our place, then there was one of the in-house engineers who caught the guy in the act of breaking in our recording studio. We didn’t say a word to the rest of the group, kept it private, hoping it would die down. Now, a week later, someone’s here again. It’s always not the same guy. Do you need a ride home?”

I shook my head. “I’ll look for Kurt and Lea. I’ll take them with me. I will drive Kurt’s car. And I will try to help gather everyone. Meet you here later.”