Test Subject 17

2. Ghost of the Past (2)

I rub my eyes again in time to spot the soldier chasing me earlier as he emerges from the house, a gun in his hands. I shut the gate as hard as I could and lock it before running into my house and up the stairs, taking them two at a time.

"Natalia? You okay?" a voice asks. I whirl around to see my mother dripping wet with a bath towel wrapped around her. My mother looks at me and the tears in my eyes get even heavier and I break down, falling to the floor.

"They took him, mommy. They got AJ," I sob. Mom looks sympathetic as she walks over to me and wipes my face. She kisses my head and hugs me. I wrap my arms around her and keep crying.

My best friend is gone. They came and took him like all the others. I thought we'd be safe from those people. I thought we would grow up together happily. This shouldn't have happened to me!

But it did. And it's all my fault. I didn't save him. I didn't pull him with me. I didn't try to help.

It's my fault...all mine...

"Sh. It's okay Natalia." Mom strokes my hair as her own, drips onto my shoulder. I lean into her tan skin, bawling my eyes out as my heart wrenches with fear and sorrow. Inhaling her smell normally soothes me, but at this moment, I don't want it to.

"It's not. I should have stayed. I should have helped him get away. I'm a horrible friend Mommy. Horrible!" My small hands clutch onto her bath towel as she hugs me tighter and holds me to her chest.

I can smell the honey lavender soap on her skin, the scent having a slightly calming effect on me.

"They would have taken you too Natalia. You would have been separated from me and your father. We would've had to just lose our baby girl. You can't ask us to do that love. You just can't." I could hear the pain in her voice, and like a light switch flipped in me, I wasn't scared, and I wasn't sad.

All I can think about is AJ. He must have felt my sadness and helped me let it go. The tears stopped and I pull away from my mom and offer a small smile in comfort, trying my hardest not to make her cry too. I know she likes Alex as much as I do.

"I-its okay though. Right, m-mommy?" I ask, my voice is shaky and uncertain. She looks at me, confused for a second. Yes, it's a sudden change, but say the words. I need to hear them."H-he'll be back one day. R-right?" I need to believe my friend is coming back to me. That he's not leaving me forever. Her face softens and she smiles reassuringly and warmly at me.

"Right, honey. It's okay," she whispers in my ear, kissing my forehead. Mom hugs me one more time before shooing me off to my room to get ready for a bath. I follow instructions and head to my room, but then a small voice speaks in my head.

'It's all your fault! You call yourself a friend, yet you run away like a scared little girl at the smallest look of danger. No wonder he left! And with a so-called friend like you, I wouldn't come back either. You're pitiful and pathetic...'

Yeah, I know I am. I know it's my fault and I wouldn't blame him if he stayed away forever. Maybe he's better off without me. I wouldn't want me as a friend either.

I look out the window and place my palm on the glass. "Alex, wherever you're going. Don't come back. You don't need a person like me," I say. A lone tear slides from my eyes as I turn away, letting him go as a black van speeds away.

It's better this way...

(ヘ･_･)ヘ┳━┳

I open my eyes again as the awful memory fades away again, hopefully for the last time tonight. I'm no longer five. He's gone and he's not coming back.

Sadness flares in my chest, a longing for those days to come back. The ones when we would steal cookies and play hide and scare, our own made-up game, or when we would play video games against each other until it was dark. The many campouts we went on in our backyards, the woods we explored. But it's all gone now. The kid I loved and knew is gone. The old me is gone.

That's all the place does is take. They took my friend, my family, my friend's family, thousands of other kids, and they tried to take me. I am a lone survivor.

I get out of the car and walk inside my house. Just as plain as ever. The living room is off to my right, the stairs straight ahead and the kitchen to my left.

In the big kitchen, a counter wraps around the first two walls, the one closest to me, and the one to the far back, and another from that one, creating a long bar. A set of patio doors sit behind the counter with a pantry right next to them. I don't have many groceries, but there's a small recipe box next to the stove and a microwave near the kitchen sink, under the window. Cabinets everywhere.

The living room reminds me of a movie set almost. A flat-screen TV is placed on the wall. A sofa and loveseat are arranged just so as to make sure everyone sitting can see with ample walking room. A nice small wooden coffee table sits in front of them and a flower vase on it. My mom had a small tree on the end of the sofa with weird waxy leaves.

I close the door and sigh, sitting down on the couch, leaving the house dark. I'm not in the lights-on mood right now. I want to sit and sulk in my sadness and pain.

Curling up, I try to recall that feeling of strength I felt back then. When I felt fearless and brave like I could do anything with him by my side. I shut my eyes and pull the blanket of confidence over everything as my head tries to block out the memories.

"I miss you AJ," I say to my friend, who isn't here. "I know I said I didn't want you to come back, but...I lied. I lied so you would. I need you. You were my only friend. Please. Just come back to me. I don't care how, just be here for me. I beg you." My voice cracks and breaks as I sob hard, my eyes leaking. Biting my lip to try and keep the pain inside, everything gets released and I can't hold it in any longer. I pull my knees to my chest, confronted with the ghost of the past.

"Why didn't you stay with me, Nat? Why didn't you rescue me? We could still be together..if you weren't such a coward..."

"I know it's my fault!" I yell at the voice in my head, my sobs louder. His taunts and insults play over and over. I press my ears flat against my head, crying harder and harder, but the past haunts me still. I hear him calling out to me, asking me for help. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" My body shakes violently as I fall off the couch and ball up onto the floor, everything in me breaking piece by piece. My heart shatters into millions of shards. I try my best to breathe and calm down but to no avail. It just hurts too much.