Lost Luna

Truth

A few steps from the door to the packhouse Zia suddenly became aware that someone was behind her, shoulders stiffened and suddenly a hand clasped down on the left one, grabbing the wrist she crouched down and used the momentum to flip the person over her shoulder and onto the ground in front of her. Basic self protection move that her mother had taught her as a kid, preparing her for the dangerous life of being a leader. A grunt came from the person as the air left their body from being smacked to the ground so hard, and Zia noticed the familiar pair of blue eyes and dark curls. “Adam!” She exclaimed with a mixture of annoyance and concern, why didn’t he just announce himself! 

“Zia…” he let out a moan as he regained his breath, “your wolf didn’t hear me?” he asked, frowning  and taking the hand she offered to help him up. She busied herself with brushing dirt and grass off his clothes and avoided answering the question. 

“Listen Adam I have a lot to pack…” she said when she finished, and went to walk around him dismissively. Two large hands grasped the sides of her arms effectively stopping her and turning her to face him. Zia stared at his chest like it was the most interesting thing in the world, refusing to look up into his face in case he noticed that she was hiding something. His hands stayed on her arms for a little longer than was strictly necessary before dropping to his sides. 

“Let me help you then.” Adam smiled comfortingly, although when she did finally look up into his face she noticed the darkening of his eyes. The trust was breaking in their friendship every time she avoided telling him, every time she pushed him away which had recently been often. Just like she had pushed Laura away two years ago, and latched onto Adam because he was new and didn’t know her like her previous best friend did. It was easier to hide things from him, but as the years went by and he did get to know her, it was getting harder. Zia had begun to notice how he was always there for her, always saving her ass and in the process seemed to be uninterested in finding his own mate. 

Adam was the son of her mother’s Beta Lillian, and he would be the first male Beta in generations,  he was to be Zia’s second in command...but that didn’t mean he should sacrifice finding his mate which was what it seemed he was doing. He refused to even acknowledge other women, and focused on learning his new position and being a support for Zia. 

“What am I going to do without you.” Zia smiled weakly at him, as she lead the way through the door into the house. She heard him chuckle behind her. 

“Probably get lost.”

“Probably.” Zia sighed the word out as they climbed the stairs to her room. Upon entering she opened her closet door and pulled out the large black suitcase, throwing it onto the bed as Adam started opening drawers and pulling clothes out. 

“Adam! That’s my underwear drawer!” Zia shrieked, snatching the bundle of lacy colorful material from his hands almost as soon as he had pulled it out. A blush started across her face, and Adam grinned teasingly at her. “You knew it was too!” Zia exclaimed as she violently shoved the mess of fabric into a pocket of the suitcase, she could feel her cheeks absolutely burning with embarrassment. He may be her best friend and second in command but there were certain things he just did not have to see, let alone touch! He started laughing as he opened an other drawer and dangled a lacy black bra from his index finger in front of Zia’s face. With an uncultured squeal she snapped it out his grasp and shoved it under a pile of jeans she had already thrown in the suitcase. “ADAM!” 

He was nearly doubled over in laughter at her increasingly red face and indignation. “What? Half the pack has already seen them, I figured you wouldn’t mind--OOF” He grunted as he was interrupted mid sentence by a slap to the stomach as Zia glared at him. 

“I DO mind.” Zia huffed, and went to give him another jab when he caught her wrist and pulled her into him. She looked up into his face, seeing an unrecognizable emotion there and suddenly felt uncomfortable. Why is he looking at me like that? She could smell his cologne and cigarettes, the smell was usually comforting but now it seemed to override every other sense. Why is he so close? Zia started to try and twist out of his grasp, but his hand tightened on her wrist and he seemed to move his face closer to hers, blue eyes burning into her. 

“Adam…” she said softly, her eyebrows drawing closer in a frown. He seemed to snap out of it and let go of her, his face carefully blank as he started to neatly fold pajamas from the bottom drawer into the suitcase. Zia stared at his back in confusion. Did he just...was he going to kiss me? She touched her fingers to her lips for a second, trying to imagine what that might have been like, shaking her head and the thoughts that had started swirling she went back to packing. The two of them gathering her life into a suitcase in silence. 

“Do your best Zia...it will be a year of hard work, and a lot of growing but I will be waiting for you...we all will.” Adam finally broke the silence, as he zipped up her suitcase and looked across at her. She smiled weakly at him and dropped her gaze to the quilt, picking at a loose thread. “Why do you do that?” he suddenly asked. 

“Do what?” 

“Hide things from me.” his voice held a note of hurt and accusation, and when Zia looked up to his face she saw it written across his clenched jaw. 

“I-” she started, feeling a surge of panic growing that made her want to throw up. “I’m not hiding anything…” 

“You are.” he said softly...disappointed. “You are and it’s rather insulting. Now tell me or I will hand down the Beta title to my little sister while you are gone.” He challenged, knowing full well that doing that would get Ziagoing. He deserved that position, and besides that his little sister was currently eight. She looked at him with her mouth agape in horror, he wouldn’t dare… 

“I will.” He said, answering the look on her face as if he could read her thoughts. 

Zia squirmed under his threat, unsure how she was supposed to tell him or what his reaction would be. This secret she had held burning inside for 2 years, the longing for the situation to change and Rue to come back so she wouldn’t have to ever tell anyone. That emptiness that sat in her mind and heart where her mate should have occupied. Finally she looked up into Adam’s face with resignation...she wouldn’t tell him everything but she would tell him something. 

“That human that I hit with my car...that died…” she gulped a little, forcing the words out was painful, it was like pressing a finger into an open wound in her mind. “He was my mate.” she finally choked out, meeting the horror in his blue eyes with her own gaze cemented the feeling in her gut. She was definitely going to throw up. But it wouldn’t be her stomach contents, it was going to be a vomit of truth. “And Rue disappeared after...I haven’t heard from my wolf since then.” she whispered, and watched as Adam took a step back from her. There it was, the truth and the reaction she knew it would bring about. The very reason why she hadn’t told anyone up until now. Zia watched him as he tried to process what she had just told him, clearly he hadn’t expected that this was what she had been hiding from him, from everyone. 

“Zia...I..” he stuttered, running a hand through his dark curls. He is obviously wondering how I am supposed to be a Luna when I have no wolf...or the fact that there is a very real chance that my line ends with me, Zia thought suddenly feeling very depressed about the whole situation, and regret. She shouldn’t have told him, she should have just made something up.

“You don’t have to say anything. Just, don’t tell anyone else. Promise?” Zia finally said, the end holding a note of desperation. He stared at her before nodding solemnly, he would keep her secret, but he quickly left the room still looking shocked and horrified. Zia stared at her black suitcase, willing it to swallow her whole and take her away from this mess she had made of her life. Tomorrow she would be getting in her car to drive the 4 hour drive and then the 6 hr trek through the mountainous forest to get to Alpha training...how in the hell was she going to explain her lack of wolf to them?