The words are impossible to hold, impossible to ignore. They open the air, open my thoughts, open the rawness of this. The world shifts, shifts with the truth, shifts with the unbearable reminder. I watch him, and I don’t know how to be this woman, how to be this woman with Lucas in my office, with Lucas in my life. He is more vulnerable than I can stand, more vulnerable than I know, more vulnerable than I know how to be. I study his face in the light, the terrible and beautiful light. He is real and he is here.
Lucas arranges the papers, arranges the distance between us, the distance that is not as large as it was. His movements are careful, careful and too exposed, too open. The way he does it, the way he touches the evidence, the way he sets it up for me to see is like a confession, l
