Forsaken and Broken

LOVE

Alec was looking outside the window while Jasper drove them for around thirty minutes in traffic, before stopping in the parking of a really posh and quite romantic looking restaurant. When he left Jasper to decide for the dinner, it was not what he meant. He thought Jasper would take him to some normal restaurant like always or his favourite cafe that they had visited hundreds of times together since their highschool time. So this new location was quite confusing for Alec, specifically knowing that this was Jasper's and his sister's spot. 

“Don't tell me we're eating here.” Alec said as Jasper unbuckled himself.

Jasper looked at him before saying, “Is this place not good? I thought you love french flood.” 

“It's not the food, although it's Liz who loves French cuisine and that's why we used to visit that french place every weekend.” Alec said, not caring if talking about her is going to hurt him. He had done a lot more than being considerate about his feelings for two years now, saving Jasper the pain, while being the one at the receiving end of all the hurt and pain. 

He was going to be himself, not someone else. 

“It's my clothes, I'm underdressed for some fancy place like this. What if someone from work saw us here?” Alec asked, looking towards the brightly lit entrance of the restaurant and not at Jasper.

“You look more than fine Alex. And if someone sees us here, well almost everyone by now knows that you are a friend of mine, so I don't think there would be any problem. Now, let's go.” Jasper said happily before climbing out of the car.

Sighing, Alec himself stepped out looking at the side mirror to push his hairs back, knowing he couldn't do much now about his appearance or clothes. 

They both made their way to the entrance, maintaining a little gap between them. “Don't places like this need prior booking?” Alec asked while maintaining his pace with Jasper.

Jasper looked at Alec and grinned widely, “Not if you know the owner.” 

“Off course.” Alec rolled his eyes at that, off course Jasper knew the owner. 

Jasper just shrugged and smiling walked inside, Alec following him just a few steps behind. 

“Good evening sir, can I have your reservation please.” A young looking host said, his smile bright and not bored but cheerful.

“Lightwood,” Jasper told, his voice bored and polar to the young man's voice. 

“Ooh, Mr. Lightwood, Mr. Knight told me about you.” The host said, suddenly his bubbly self was covered by a more serious and business like facade. “I am very sorry sir, but due to you putting the reservation about half an hour ago, we were unable to arrange you with your regular, as all the tables on the top floor are already booked. But we have arranged the balcony, if it's okay.” 

“Lead us,” Jasper ordered in the same tired, dull tone. 

The young boy nodded his head and took them inside the restaurant and to the balcony of the 3rd floor. There were only a few people there and it wasn't hard for Alec to catch, that all of them were on date. The balcony was basically screaming 'for date', and it wasn't hard for anyone with a little brain to see that. The tables were covered with white and pink tablecloths, there were fairy lights everywhere and the distance between the tables was enough to provide each table with some privacy of its own. This place was for dates, and from the blush that adorned Jasper's face, it was quite clear to Alec that he just figured out that too.

Clearing his throat, Jasper sat down. Alec followed his actions and sat down too. The host poured water and left, handing them the menu and informing them that a waiter will take their orders soon. 

Both of them scanned the menu in silence and when the waitress showed up they ordered their food. 

“So. . . .what happened with Green yesterday?” Jasper asked, remembering the main reason for which he was looking for Alec in the first place. 

“Pretty sure he must have told you everything already. Why are you asking me then?” Alec said, sipping the water and trying his best to not make a scene and destroy the mood of all those people who were on their date. 

“He told me his truth, I want to hear yours.” Jasper answered leaning on the table.

“We had a little disagreement about some plans in our new project. He wanted things to be done in a certain way, it would have increased the production but at same time the quality wouldn't be the same. And for starting a new set-up, I don't think that would be a good idea. ” Alec explained.

Just then the waitress from before came and placed their plates in front of them and poured wine in both of their glasses. They both started eating in silence, but unlike the previous one in the car it wasn't awkward or empty. This silence was somehow calming and felt nice to Alec. 

“I will talk to Mrs. Singh tomorrow and only after that I will decide about the future action.” Jasper informed Alec to which he nodded his head and kept on eating.

“So. . . . . how much work is left for the project?” Jasper asked, hoping to keep the conversation going. 

'I am not your personal assistant, ask her.' Alec wanted to say that but instead spoke, “Everything is going as planned, by the end of this year Stigma Cosmetics will be ready. I am meeting with Pauls tomorrow along with people from marketing to discuss about the events and stuff.” 

“That's good to know.” Jasper said smiling. One thing that Alec had noticed about Jasper was that he was very serious about his work and the company. “You know, the investors and shareholders were against it when I pitched the idea. They thought it was simply stupid to start from very beginning and to invest that much capital in it, while Stigma could have bought an already flourishing cosmetic line with same amount of resource.” 

“I didn't get that either.” Alec voiced his thoughts, “I mean why do you want to start from foundation when you can just buy another company or become partners with a well known cosmetic line?” 

Jasper smiled shyly at Alec and looking at the plate filled with food in front of him, he spoke, “You Know grandpa started Stigma Co. when he was around my age, from literally nothing. And after him I received everything that he created without any hardship. That's why I want to start something of my own, from my money. I know it's stupid, and not like he planned, still. . . .” 

“Its not stupid,” Alec blurted out. Jasper turned his head slightly to look at Alec, who instead of faking a smile to make Jasper feel good was holding a straight face, only his eyes shone with pride. “I know it's not parallel to what gramps did, but believe me Jasper, he must be very proud of you right now.”

“Thank you, Alec.” Jasper simply said, for the first time, feeling proud of himself. 

When he told his plans and why he wanted to do what he was doing to his parents, they discouraged him. His father even catalogued the cosmetic companies in the country who weren't doing well in the business, for him to buy. They didn't understand him or his motives. Even though his friends supported him like always, confusion was cleared in their eyes that they were trying to hide behind their pearly smile. But, Alec understood him and didn't hide anything, his emotions were raw and the pride he felt towards Jasper clear in his eyes.

Rest of the dinner passed like that only, Alec asking questions to Jasper and Jasper trying to answer all of them and vice-versa. It was probably both, the most civil conversation they had with one another and also the longest one in months. 

At that moment Alec felt his heart filled with happiness and not grief. It was moments like this that he cherished, moments when they would just talk about work or mundane things without any arguments. But he knew that it was just a momentary thing, that a big argument is going to break and both of them are going to get hurt by that, him more than his husband. 

But at the same time he knew that it was important, because both of them deserve to be happy.

Alec was happy dazed the whole drive home. Even though he knew that it was all going to take a three sixty degree turn soon, he wanted to have those memories so that in future he could look back and enjoy the good moments. To remind himself that not all of it was just pain and hurt. It was perfect, being around Jasper and seeing him happy made him happier. 

Upon reaching home both of them made their way inside, once again silence created around them.

“Are we going to do that again. . . .going out for dinner?” Alec asked as Jasper started climbing the staircase.

“If you want to, then yes I guess.” Jasper answered, yawning. 

“Why are you like this Jasper?” Alec yelled while grabbing Jasper by his elbow and turned him towards himself. “I can't understand, why can't you be like how you were in the restaurant all the time. I'm tired of this bipolar nature of yours towards me.”

“I am tired Alex. It was a long day, let's just sleep.” Jasper said, pulling his arm from Alec's grip. 

Tears once again lined up in his eyes. Jasper pushed the bedroom door open and walked inside. Alec followed him, “I love you Jasper.” 

Jasper stopped in his tracks and turned back, “Don't! Just don't throw that word at me Alex.” Jasper clenched his jaws and threw his jacket on the bed and walked near him, “Take it back Alex, I'm not kidding.”

By this tears broke free and once again Alec couldn't help but feel like a kid trapped in an adult's body. “I can't. . . .I can't because I love you Jasper. I-I ha-have been madly in love with you ever since we were kids. Hell I fell in love with you even before knowing what does being gay means.”

“STOP!!!” Jasper screamed, “Why do you have to say that Alex. Everything was fine and now. . . .and now you just crushed everything between us.” 

“What are we? What am I to you Jasper?” Alec asked in a broken voice. His throat hurting and he could practically feel the muscles in his heart ripping apart. When Jasper didn't answer Alec continued, “A friend, replacement for my sister, stranger or just a s*x toy.”

Jasper turned his back and in a slow fluttering voice answered, “Nothing.”