The Petals Falling

Chapter 3

I run out of the house and look back quickly to see Sadaaki standing in the doorway watching me. I turn back and head quickly back to the market where I see father standing.

“Where have you been?” he asks.

“The kind man over there helped me when Mr. Chan started getting violent” I try to explain. while jestering over to when Chan’s stand is. Chan is glaring at me still while holding a cloth to his lip.

“What did I tell you about angering him? And you didn’t even finish handing out the rations! I had to finish it for you while you snuck off with an unmarried man. Have I taught you anything or are you going to continue to embarrass me through everything you do?” He yells and then sits down in his chair and puts his hands on his head.

I kneel down beside him and plead “I’m sorry father. I wish I have done better by you. Mr. Chan had attacked me father. Mr. Sadaaki saved me. He just made me some tea and made sure I was okay. Nothing else was done”.

“It doesn’t matter what happened. Everyone here now thinks you a w***e. No daughter of mine will be seen that way. You will not be coming with me next week. You will stay home with you sister and your mother”.

“But father..”

“Enough. You have done too much. Get in the cart and stay there until I am ready to leave”. He turns away from me looks at his hands.

I walk over and jump into the cart. I start to look around since this is probably the last time I will see this place for a long time. I look at the small houses that line the dirt street. I look at the small dogs running after their owners. The little boys and girls that grab onto their mother’s and father’s hands as they walk into the market. Not a care in the world. Those same boys and girls will be put up against the kingdom. Half will die. Some will live in the kingdom as slaves. The few rest will be “safe” here in our little town. I don’t want children if they will have to grow up in fear of being taken away.

I hear footsteps and wonder if father is already ready to leave. I look over and Sadaaki is standing beside me.

“Can I help you?” I ask as he leans up against the side of the cart.

“I wanted to apologize. I happened to overhear your conversation with your father. I didn’t want anything bad to come of this. I thought I was helping.”

“Well you didn’t. Thank you for caring but you hurt more than you helped. According to my father I am the w***e of the town.”

“Well I certainly don’t think you are. Maybe I can make it up to you in someway. I have money”. He pulls a small bag out of his pocket and tries to hand it to me.

“How long have you been here? Haven’t you seen that we don’t use money? The kingdom would just take any that we had anyway. You better find a safe place to put that or just hand it over now. Here we are perfectly happy with trading our goods for others.” I look down at the bag and back up to his face. His smile turns to a frown and he puts the bag back into his pocket.

“Well thank you for the tip. Maybe I can help out with your duties next week then.”

“That is very kind of you but I will not be here next week. Father has banned me from coming” I look down at my hands.

“Are you sure there is nothing I can do. I am upset that I won’t get to see you. I feel like we had a good connection” he smiles and takes my hand unexpectedly. “You are 100% sure there is nothing I can do?”.

“Yes I am sure. You have done enough.” I make eye contact with him, but quickly break it out of shame. He takes this as his cue to leave the cart, but walks over to Father’s table, and talks with him.

I watch as his lips and hands move in sync, but Father’s expression does not change; his glance shifts from Sadaaki to me, and I look away.

“I did not mean any harm to your daughter or family name. I just was not going to sit by and watch that..thing berate her. You raised a young woman that is unlike any other in this village and beyond those walls. You should be proud, honored, but not let your daughter endure the disrespect that man dishes out.”

I watch as my father turns his gaze back to Sadaaki and gestures for him to step out of the way, so he can give out a family’s rations.

“I respect that you protected my daughter but you had no right to take her for yourself. I was once a young boy just like you. I know the thoughts that you have and I will not have my daughter around such things. If you’d like her for yourself then you will have to take her the way that any other man would. You must Court her if you want her. She is a hard worker and as will produce great things for you if you wish. But give my wife and I a few weeks before you stop by. That way we can say our goodbyes and wrap up some unfinished business. But hear me when I say this; if you are not serious about her then do not come. She is still my daughter.” With that father starts to pack up the table and put things away in the cart. Sadaaki stands by watching awestruck.

As I sit in the cart I feel heartbroken that father would just give me away like this. He had no thought of wanting me in the house anymore. But how could he turn me away to a stranger. Maybe I am a burden to my family.

With that thought father gets up onto the cart and whips the horses into action. Again we do not talk as we pull away from the market, leaving Sadaaki standing in the dirt watching as we drive away. The journey back home was quiet. That’s how it is generally, but this one in particular was so quiet, the labored breathing of the horses in front were all that Father and I heard. When we got back home, I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. Father looked at me, shook his head, and unattached the horses from the carriage, leading them to the stables.

I grab some of our rations that father had gathered earlier and walk them into the house. Mother nods at me. That’s the extent of our interactions usually.

“Suki you’re home!” Aika runs over to me. Aika is only 7 but she is just as strong as a young boy would be at this age. I set out rations onto the floor and pick her up when she finally gets to me.

“Aika! Well I think you’ve grown a whole inch since I left this morning” I laugh and spin her around before setting her back on her feet.

She laughs “No Suki I’m still small. But one day I’ll be just as big as you.”

“Of course you will. Now help me put this stuff away and then we can start on dinner. Father isn’t in a very good mood and we don’t want to make him any angier.”

Aika and I start putting away the food when Mother comes in, “Suki, I need to speak with you.”

I turn and smile at Aika, “Finish putting the stuff away and I will be right back inside to help you start the rice.” She nods and I follow Mother into the bedroom.

“What is it Mother?” She locks the door and slowly turns to me.

“Your father wants you out of the house. He told me what happened and says that he cannot look at you the same way that he once did. He said he’d give you tonight and tomorrow but my Friday, you must leave. I am sorry but that was the best that I could do” She says to me with a straight face.

“But.. Mother. I.. I didn’t do anything. He did not even hear my side of the story. Sadaaki was just helping me. Nothing happened between the two of us. Mother please. You cannot let him do this to me. Where am I supposed to go? How will I survive?”

“I don’t care what kind of lies you want to tell me. I will let you take your portions of the rations and whatever clothes you can fit into a bag. I do not care where you go but it cannot be anywhere on our land. From friday on, you are no longer a part of this family. Now go help your sister with dinner and explain what has happened. Maybe we can stop her from becoming like you.”

Mother walks out of the room and leaves me alone. I don’t understand why they are doing this. Why don’t they want to protect me anymore. It is almost as if I could die tomorrow and they’d be happy to be rid of the burden that is their daughter.

I walk out of the room and wipe my face off. I need to put on a stunt so that Aika won’t be scared. I walk out into the kitchen and she already has all of the ingredients out on the table and she’s washing her hands.

“I taught you well didn’t I?” I laugh and join her to wash my hands off.

“Are we having just rice for dinner again?”

“Yes. We must save the other food for the holiday remember?”

“Oh yes I remember. Can I try to make it by myself tonight? You can watch and make sure I am doing it right.”

“Sounds like a plan.” I pull out a chair and sit down to watch as she starts cooking. I am glad that I have taught her this much. She will need to take over my duties once I leave. I am going to miss her so very much. I wish I could take her with me. Take her away from this unloving family. Away from the torment of the kingdom. Away from the possibility of death behind every door. I wish I could save us all. But I cannot. I cannot take her with me since I do not even know if I will be able survive on my own. I do not know what will happen when I run out of food. Maybe death is better than stealing to survive.

I turn my attention back to Aika. She is doing so well and has not made a mistake yet.

“Look at you go Ka. You’re gonna help out a lot when you’re bigger right?” I ask her as I go over and start rinsing out the bowls.

“Of course I will. But you’ll be here until then right?” She looks up at me waiting for an answer.

“I will stay as long as I am allowed to. You know that”. She smiles so I take it that I’m off the hook for the moment. As long as I can get through tonight and tomorrow, I should be fine. I know once she finds out I left she is going to be heart broken.

Mother and father walk back inside and Aika and I start setting the table. When Aika was little she would always want to set a place for our brother, even though he wouldn’t be coming home ever. She was too young to have really known him but she has her fantasies about her amazing big brother. After many years, father got her to stop by telling her. “He’s never coming back so stop acting like a child.” Even though she was only a child.

After everything is set down, Aika and I wait until Father and Mother are seated until we are allowed to sit down. And we have to wait until they are already eating to get our food. From what I hear this is not the same in all families. Other families in our village actually do it the other way. The child eat first. But not here. Some nights we may go to sleep without food even though there was enough for us to eat; father would just think that we did not work hard enough to have dinner. Maybe I’m glad I’m leaving.

We sit and eat in silence, just like any other night. Aika tries to talk to father about her day but he just hits and ignores her. What a heartless man that I once looked up to just as she does. I hope she grows to learn the truth before the truth hurts her too much.

After dinner, Aika and I wash and put away all the dishes while mother and father go into the sitting room to relax. Mother will usually start knitting and father will either sit and look outside or he will sit and write in his book. Nobody is ever allowed to read what is in there. Not even mother. He’s wrote in that book for as long as I can remember. He even bought me one when I was younger, I wanted to be just like him. He was my hero. Of course that was before my brother died. Then he became cold. Maybe I will take my book along. I haven’t used it in years.

Once everything is cleaned and put away, Aika and I go into our bedroom to play. We three dolls and a ball. Each were presents from when each of us children were born. Mother also gave us hers from when she was young but since it is older, we keep that one off to the side and usually don’t play with her out of fear of ruining it. Aika really loves her doll. She acts like it is her child. She will attempt to burp it and change it’s clothes. There aren’t a big variety of options. Just the two outfits from her and my dolls and two other ones that mother knit for her past two birthdays.

We always have to be quiet. Father doesn’t think Aika should be playing with dolls anymore. He believes that she is too old for that now. He also does not like that I am supporting her and playing with her. In all honesty, this is the only happiness we can get usually. Of course I always enjoyed going in town to the market but that isn’t going to happen anymore. So I will take this last day and engrave it into my mind.

Aika takes her doll into her arms and comes to sit in my lap.

“Suki will I be a good mother?” she asks after a moment of silence.

“Well of course you will be. Look at all the practice you get every night. I know you will be an amazing mother. Trust me on that.” She looks up at me but she still seems upset.

“What if I end up like our mother?”

“Aika listen to me.” I take her off my lap and make her face me. “You will never be like her as long as you see the bad in her. You make sure that you do not act like them. When you get married, you must make sure you love your children. Make sure you talk to them and help them when they need it. Please, do not act like them.” She smiles and hugs me.

“Of course I won’t act like them. Their mean.” she says and I laugh.

“Well that’s good. Now let’s go to sleep. We have a long day tomorrow.” She looks confused at what I said but she complies and jumps into her bed. I go over to tuck her in and kiss her forehead.

Once I know that she is asleep, I grab my bag out of the closet and start packing what I can fit in. I know I have to leave some things here but everything I have is so dear to me. I know I must take what is essential and what will help me survive. I take my extra pair of shoes and some clothes. I leave a few things for Aika for when she gets older. I also leave anything my mother has made for me. She did not protect me like she said she would so I do not want anything she has given me. She can do what she wants with that stuff.

After I have everything packed away I start writing a note for Aika.

Aika,

I know this will make you sad but I must go. Mother and Father have asked me to so I must. I love you so very much and I know that you will become a wonderful person. Please take care of things for me. Don’t ever stop playing with your dolls. You can even have mine. Do not fret or confront Mother and Father about this. I promise I will be okay. I sincerely hope we meet again in the future and that you find an excellent husband and have beautiful children. I love you so much.

Your sister,

Suki

I leave the letter and make my way to the kitchen to grab some food to take with me. I fill a small cup with water and take a few minutes to look around the house. The place where I was raised. Where I learned how to walk and talk. Where Aika learned how to do all of those things with my guidance. Where I was just told I had to leave. I know now that I must go. I take one last look, turn and close the door behind me.