Chapter 7-Empty
1230 Words
The floodlight dies.
On. Off. On.
Then just off.
Xavier’s taillights disappear down Route 9 and don’t come back.
I stand there until my fingers go numb. Until Liv’s text buzzes in my pocket:Hey girl are you still alive?_
I didn’t answer.
Because I’m not sure.
An hour later
Liv finds me by the dumpster. Same spot Xavier left me.
“Holy s**t,stace.” She’s got my jacket — the one I left in her car. She wraps it around my shoulders. “You’re ice. What happened?”
I shake my head. Can’t get the words out. _Leave. You look like a problem. You’re dumber than I thought._ They’re stuck in my throat like glass.
She doesn’t push. Just walks me to the car. Turns the heat up. Doesn’t play music.
We don’t talk the whole way home.I’m really disappointed in myself for being stupid.
---
. House.
David’s truck is in the driveway.
Kitchen light’s on.
He’s waiting.
I walk in. Didn’t take off my shoes.Neither did I take off Liv’s jacket. Just stood in the doorway, dripping March onto the tile.
David sat at the table. Coffee mug in front of him. Cold, probably. He hasn’t slept. Dark circles under his eyes Match mine.
“You went to see him.” Not a question.
I nod.
He exhales. Long. Like he’s been holding it since I left. “Frank’s?”
“Back lot.”
Silence.
Then: “What did he say?”
I open my mouth. Nothing comes out. Because _Leave. You look like a problem. We’re done._ isn’t something you repeat out loud. Saying it makes it real.
David sees it anyway.
“Ah.” He leans back. Runs a hand over his face. “He iced you out.”
I flinch. Because that’s exactly what it was. Ice. Not anger. Not yelling. Just cold. Calculated. Designed to make me walk away and not look back.
“Yeah,” I whisper.
David nods. Slow. Like he expected it. Like he’s been waiting three weeks for it.
“Good,” he says.
My head snaps up. “Good?”
“Yeah.” He doesn’t meet my eyes. Stares at the mug. “Means he’s not stupid. Means he’s doing what I couldn’t.”
“David—”
“I asked you to choose,Stacy.” His voice cracks on my name. First time tonight. “I put it on you. _He stays or he goes._ That was me being a coward. That was me not wanting to be the bad guy. So you said _he stays_ and he left anyway. Because he knew what I didn’t. That me asking you to choose was already the end.”
I drop into the chair across from him. My legs won’t hold me anymore.Tears flowed freely.
“He said I’m dumber than he thought.” The words finally come. Ugly. Small. “He said I look like a problem. He said we’re done.”
David closes his eyes. “He’s trying to make you hate him.”
“It’s working.”
“No, it’s not.” He looked at me then. Really looks. “If it was working, you wouldn’t be sitting here shaking. You’d be in your room, pissed, calling him an asshole to Liv. You’re not pissed,Stacy.Stop acting like a child which you still her just forget he ever existed.You’re gutted.”
I press the heels of my hands into my eyes. Because he’s right. I’m not mad. I want to be. Mad would be easier. Mad means I can move on.
This isn’t mad. This is empty.
“He his bike.He’s left with a weird car,” I say. To the table. To anyone. “For a room. He’s sleeping on a cot. He eats fries for dinner.”
Eli’s jaw locks. “I know.”
“You know?”
“Roy called me. From Smith’s Auto. Said Xavier showed up three weeks ago asking for hours. Said he’d take nights, weekends, whatever. Said he needed cash fast. Roy asked why. Xavier said “I gotta pay rent somewhere she can’t find me.’
The air leaves my lungs.
“He’s killing himself,” I say. “With work. With— with distance. Because of me.”
“Because of me.” David corrects. Flat. “I’m the one who made him feel like trash. I’m the one who made you choose. He’s just cleaning up my mess.”
We sat there. Two people in a house that used to hold three. The silence is worse than yelling.
“What did you say to him?” David asks eventually.
“I said I’d pick him again.”
David nods. Doesn’t seem surprised. “What did he say back?”
“That I pick him, I lose.”
David’s mouth twists. Not quite a smile. Not quite grief. “He’s not wrong.”
“I don’t care.”
“You should.” He leans forward. Braces his arms on the table. “Stacy, listen to me.Xavier’s got a record. He’s got a PO. He’s got one strike left before he’s back inside. You know what happens if you two if this goes anywhere? He goes down. Not maybe. Not if he’s careful. He goes down. And you know him. He’d let it happen. He’d plead guilty just to keep you clean.so if you like him stay away.stop bothering him.”
“I know.”
“Then why are you still here? Why aren’t you upstairs, blocking his number, pretending tonight didn’t happen?”
I look at him. My brother. The one who raised me. The one who’s been sleeping on the couch for three weeks because the house feels wrong without Xavier in it.
“Because he looked at me like it was killing him to say it,” I say. “Like Leave was the hardest word he’s ever had to say. Like he wanted me to fight him on it. Like he was begging me not to.David I’m sure he likes me.”
David drops his head. Stares at the wood grain.
“He’s not gonna stop,” he says. Quiet. “He’ll keep working. Keep freezing you out. Keep making himself smaller until you can’t see him anymore. Because he thinks that’s love. Taking himself out of the picture so you don’t get hurt.”
“And what am I supposed to do?” My voice breaks. “Hate him? Thank him? Pretend I didn’t like him and let him call me dumb?”
David doesn’t answer.
Because there isn’t one.
---
My room.
I open the window. Like Xavier did. Like we used to.
Set nothing on the sill. There’s no PB&J. No note. No him.
Just cold air and the sound of David’s truck starting in the driveway.
He’s not going to work. It’s Sunday.
He’s driving. Probably past Frank’s. Probably past Smith’s Auto. Not stopping. Just looking.
Same as me.
I lie down. Stare at the ceiling.
Twelve water stains. I counted last week. When the house was still full.
_You look like a problem._
_We’re done._
_I’m not gonna be stupid for you._
I roll onto my side. Press my face into the pillow.
And I didn’t cry.
Because I’m not sad.
I’m empty.
Just like he wanted.Fine I’ll just forget him and move on.He never existed in my life,I’ll find the right person.
- Writer
