The Sum of Us

Foreword

forewordLucas K. Law

This summer, a pair of swallows built a nest in our cottage’s air vent. I had the pleasure of watching their family dynamic: Papa and Mama Swallow hunting insects—one remained behind with the little ones while the other searched for food. Swallows are equal partners when raising a family—nest building, incubating, feeding, caring. Wit wit calls of the chicks started around 7 a.m. and stopped just after sunset. This daily routine continued until the chicks left the nest. Papa and Mama Swallow didn’t push them out or leave them; it’s a full-package parenting from building a home to leaving the nest together.

Caregivers are all around us. Some, like the swallows, seem to be part of the natural order. Others are stories of quiet heroism.

My mother lost her mother when she was ten. At eleven, she had to leave her home to live in a boarding school since schooling was not available in her fishing kampong (about a day’s journey over the waters). Two years later, she moved into a rented shack to take care of her three younger brothers who came for schooling too (later, a fourth brother joined them). My grandfather, the village shopkeeper, could not join them because he had to earn a living. To be independent at such a young age was amazing and heartbreaking. Imagine the piles of laundry she had to do for the four boys—hand washing, line drying, ironing, folding—a constant chore. Difficult to keep them dry during the monsoon season. Life was tough; there were countless tears, but there was a lot of love bounded in that small shack.

Caregiving can be a bonding. It can also test us, take us to our limits, and beyond.

In the last few years, several of my relatives and friends have begun to suffer from various major impairments, most notably due to old age, diseases, and mental illness. They struggle, but through kindness and support from their families, friends, and strangers, they continue to fight valiantly—sometimes, they win; sometimes they lose. Sometimes, their carers fail to get support for themselves, limping along, trying to make the best of each day, their own health suffering. Sometimes, their journeys are solitary and lonely; sometimes they are ashamed of their own situations, not willing, or not having anyone, with whom to talk to or share the burdens. Either the caregiver or his charge—or both—may feel alone on this journey; not truly understood.

These vignettes are important. We are all caregivers, whether we recognize it or not. Of the infinite ways to show our commitment, which we choose is up to our imagination. The mental, emotional and spiritual impacts these choices bring often linger for the rest of our lives, shaping who we become.

In the living room of my childhood home in Malaysia was an inspirational poster of a giant tree, as relevant today as it was forty years ago: Even the greatest tree on earth starts from a small seed.

The genesis of this anthology comes from my mother’s girlhood experiences and from the continuation of the first anthology in this ‘social causes’ series, Strangers Among Us: Tales of the Underdogs and Outcasts—the amalgamation between caregiving and mental health. In The Sum of Us, Dominik Parisien and twenty-three authors give us a glimpse of caregiving, showing its importance in our lives, our families, our communities, our environment, and our world in their Tales of the Bonded and Bound. The authors take the sum of us, the best and the worst and everything in-between, and explore the world of the caregiver, bound with invisible bonds.

We often forget this unsung hero in our society—who gives energy, time, and tears with no thought of thanks, invisible in the background or relegated to a footnote, quietly making a difference to those whom he or she touches. We want them, request them, look for them, expect them when we are tired, ill, or injured, seeking the comfort they bring, relying on them for support. But what if the caregiver needs caregiving too?

So.

Put this book down for a moment and give thanks to the caregivers in our lives; send a note or better yet, call that person and say hello. Sometimes a friendly word makes all the difference.

Please support your local charitable organizations and take care of your own mental health. Be kind to yourself and to others. Be ready to give back and pay forward. A portion of this anthology’s net revenue goes to support Canadian Mental Health Association.

—Lucas K. Law, Calgary and Qualicum Beach, 2017