Forbidden Baby

Chapter 19 – Baby Girl

Thia’s POV

It felt like I had been drowning in the silence of the room for hours, but the reality was it hadn’t even been minutes. In fact, it had only been seconds. Lilly stood by me silently watching over the scene as it unfolded.

Holding onto my hand, she said nothing. What could she possibly say?

I stared over into the corner of the room where the medical professionals were all huddled. As I slowly began to feel my resolve ebbing away to allow sorrow to devour my heart and soul, I heard it.

The weak and strangled tones of the first cry of a baby. My Baby. Baby Girl.

As the sounds got stronger, the people in the room parted and the midwife walked over to me smiling as she handed me my most precious and beautiful daughter. I had no control of the tears of joy and relief fell as I took her in my arms.

Love and peace dominated my emotions as I stared into the pools of my baby’s eyes. As I held onto her, she stopped crying and closed her eyes, drifting into an exhausted sleep. I knew how she felt. I felt the same.

‘Congratulations Thia’ Lilly said softly.

‘Is she going to be, okay?’ I asked the midwife.

‘Everything looks good, but we will need to do some checks shortly, and again in the morning. She will need to come for some regular checks for a few weeks, we will explain everything when you have rested’ she soothed.

‘I am so tired’ I almost whispered, the events of the day not quite sinking in.

‘You can rest soon, Thia, but first, we must deliver the placenta and then get you cleaned up’

‘I can’t’ I wanted to cry; it had all just been too much.

‘Come on Thia, you are almost there, I am so proud of you’ Lilly spoke lovingly, and I knew I had to do this. I just didn’t want too. The midwife took Baby Girl from my arms as I prepared to get this over with.

It wasn’t as traumatic as I was expecting, and when it was over, before I went to get cleaned up, they handed me back my daughter so she could feed. It was a moment I wanted to capture and remember forever.

‘Does she have a name?’ Lilly asked ‘We can’t call her Baby Girl forever’ she chuckled.

I looked at her with nothing but love ‘I should probably think of one huh!’ I laughed.

‘All this time and you haven’t thought of a name yet’ Lilly chuckled ‘Usually the girls have names picked so early!’

I didn’t want to think about the reason why I hadn’t, I was so happy ‘I like Hallie’ I said it aloud to see how it sounded.

‘I like it too’ Lilly said as she looked at her in my arms ‘Hallie’

Hearing her say it made it sound more real ‘Yeah. I think that’s it’ I smiled, as the midwife came over to check on me ‘When will her face settle?’ I asked, she was still slightly blue around the lips and nose and her face was squished.

‘Her colour will return to normal very soon, but it may take a little while before her features settle, she has had quite a traumatic entry into the world. Let me take her for a little while so I can do some checks and you can go have a shower’

I didn’t want to let her go, but I knew I had too. I handed her over and moved to the side of the bed, it was uncomfortable, and my legs felt like jelly.

‘Here, let me help you’ Lilly put her arm around my waist, and I held onto her, to exhausted and in pain to argue.

When I came out of the shower room, clean and in fresh cotton PJ’s I felt a thousand time’s better. The Bed had fresh clean sheets on it and all signs of the trauma that had occurred had gone. Hallie was lying in a small clear plastic crib at the side of the bed.

‘we are going to take you straight to the ward Thia’ the midwife spoke as I walked towards the bed ‘We have a wheelchair for you, it’s not far, but you are tired. You need to rest’

‘Ok’ I was more than ready to rest ‘Thank you so much for saving my little girl’

‘My pleasure’ she beamed ‘Team effort, you did well Thia, be proud of yourself’

I was taken to the ward; it was early hours of the morning, and it was quiet and dimly light. Lilly pushed me to the bed and the midwife put Hallie next to me. I snuggled down and Lilly promised to come back tomorrow to see me.

As much as I wanted to lay awake and stare at her all night, sleep took over and I drifted into an exhausted slumber. Waking only twice until morning to sooth and feed her. Considering I was sharing the ward with another 3 woman and their babies, it wasn’t overly noisy overnight.

This morning however, there was a buzz of noise, cries and the ward was a hive of activity. Lilly arrived shortly after 10am.

‘How was your night?’ she asked cheerfully as she looked at Hallie feeding in my arms.

‘Okay actually’ I took my eyes away from Hallie long enough to smile at Lilly, I was glad she was here.

Everyone else had visitors except for me. I contemplated asking to use the phone to call Gabe and tell him, but I second guessed myself, worried that if Mum and Dad found out, they would punish me.

Now more than ever, as I looked at my now sleeping baby, I knew giving her up was going to change me forever. Losing the only hope I have of being in her life was not an option. I had to be in her life, and if that meant doing what they said, then I would.

‘Mrs. Radcliffe rang your parent’s this morning’ Lilly said cautiously, bringing me out of my reprieve.

‘Oh, right’ I sounded less than enthusiastic, Lilly wasn’t stupid, I knew she knew something was going on.

‘Hmmm. They won’t be visiting Thia’ she said, unsurprised that I didn’t look shocked or upset.

‘I figured’

‘What’s going on Thia? There is more to this than you are telling me’

I realised, that I would have to tell her a half-truth to keep her from prying too much. All she knew was I lied to them about my dates so they wouldn’t make me have an abortion.

‘They are very religious people Lilly. When they found out I was pregnant, they were horrified. I have let them down and embarrassed them. They are not happy about the situation I have put them in’

‘But not to visit? Not to see you or her?’ she couldn’t get her head around it. For the longest time, neither could I, but I had come to accept it.

‘They are in denial Lilly, they won’t have a choice but to accept and acknowledge it when they come to get me, they will see her then, and I am sure they will fall in love with her as much as I have’ I really hoped this was true, but I wasn’t convinced of it.

‘You are a very smart and level-headed girl. You should be proud of yourself, and they should be proud of you’ her kind eyes shone with warmth.

I knew they would never be proud of me, but I was proud of myself, and that’s all the clarification I needed. I didn’t need their acknowledgement or pride, I just needed them to give me a chance to be the mother I know I could be.

‘Thanks. I don’t just mean for your kind words; I mean for everything. You really have been amazing Lilly. I could never have done all of this without you. I will never forget you’

She gave me a small hug ‘I’ll miss you when it’s time for you to go’ she smiled, and then looked down at Hallie stirring in my arms.

‘Do you want to hold her?’

‘I thought you’d never ask’ she said grinning as I handed over the tiny bundle.

She stayed with me until the Doctor had been, he checked over us both and said we were both doing well, considering. The bluish tinge had subsided and her face, although still a little squished, had started to settle.

She was a big baby, weighing in at 9lb 5oz which was huge anyway, but for someone as petite as me, she was a monster! They knew she was big, but they hadn’t realised how big she was until it was too late. When she started to get distressed and the midwife saw her crown, she knew then there was a problem.

When she got stuck during labour, she struggled, and the cord got caught around her neck. She was only lifeless for seconds and they didn’t think there would be any lasting effects, but they couldn’t be certain, so I had to keep checks on her.

The Doctor explained that they had to dislocate her shoulders to get her out quickly. Because she was so big, she got stuck, it was the safest and quickest way for them to do it.  

When they popped her limbs back, they did checks to make sure nothing was damaged, and the checks today clarified everything seemed okay, but I would have to take her to a specialist in a few weeks to confirm.

I had given birth only 8 hours ago, but the doctor said as soon as I had been to the toilet and bathed Hallie with the midwife, I could be discharged. I was surprised it was so soon.

‘As long as you stick to the appointments we make for you, you should be just fine. It’s quite normal to leave this soon’ the midwife reassured me as I bathed Hallie.

I wrapped her in a towel and dried her off, soothing her as she cried, appearing not to like the water! Although I figured it was probably more the cold, she was averse too. I dressed her in a soft lemon yellow and lilac baby grown and cuddled her close, taking in her new-born baby scent.

Lilly appeared just as I was finishing ‘How are you getting on?’ she asked with a smile.

The midwife answered for me ‘Perfectly, she’s going to make a wonderful mother’ I felt a pang in my chest at her words. She smiled at me ‘I just need you to go to reception and pick up your appointments and paperwork, and you are good to go’

‘No problem, I’m all packed Lilly, I’ll just go get what I need’ I passed Hallie over to Lilly and made my way to the front desk.

Lilly followed shortly with Hallie already in a car seat. She always had one in her car for when it was needed. I collected everything I needed, and I said goodbye to the staff before following Lilly through the doors.

As the fresh crisp air of spring filled my lungs, I felt momentarily invigorated. The feeling was short lived, it had been draining, but I enjoyed it while it lasted. Lilly drove us home and helped me to my apartment.

After checking I was okay, she left me to it, ensuring I would call her if I needed anything at all. I put Hallie in her basinet and moved it to the front room, so she was closer.

‘Well Baby Girl’ I softly spoke ‘We are home, together, for now at least, anyway’

I was content staring at her for the longest time. But my stomach rumbled and reminded me to feed it! I quickly made myself something to eat, I was hungrier than I had realised and demolished the meal in no time. I then got some bottles ready for Hallie’s next feed and ran myself a bath.

I fed her and lay her down before sinking into the bath and allowing the warmth to wash over me and relax my limbs. I didn’t stay in too long; worried Hallie may wake up and need me. I quickly dried off and got straight into my PJ’s.

I got into my bed and snuggled in, putting Hallie’s bassinet next to my bed, I took a moment to take stock of the last 24 hours. It really was quite tumultuous. I was exhausted, and sleep seemed like a very good idea.