Forbidden Baby

Chapter 21 – Fight for Life

Thia’s POV

They kept me on the phone while the ambulance made its way. I had to let someone know what was happening, I wanted nothing more than for Lilly to be with me, but I was on the phone. At this point, Hallie had stopped jerking, but wasn’t responsive.

I ran next door and banged on the door, holding Hallie in my arms, tears streaming down my face, as I explained that Hallie was sick, the ambulance was on its way, and I needed Lilly. The young girl looked almost as petrified as I felt but did as I had asked.

Blue flashing lights came up the tree lined drive and I had never felt so relived to see them. Fear and panic devoured me as I rushed to meet them, Lilly now hot on my tail.

‘What happened?’ Lilly asked breathlessly, eyes wide as she saw the state Hallie and I were in.

Tears were never far from falling from my eyes as the paramedics came over and took Hallie from my arms, taking me out of the cold dark night and sitting in the back of the ambulance, they asked question after question.

I tried to answer all their questions, but bewilderment encased me and as I babbled on about what had led to their arrival, Hallie’s tiny body started to jerk once again. Mrs. Radcliffe had now arrived and spoke to Lilly.

Lilly promised to follow and meet me at the hospital as the ambulance door shut and the paramedic with me took control of the situation in hand and the other drove to the city hospital, lights flashing all the way.

Hallie was taken away, and I was left alone and frightened in a family waiting room, praying that Hallie would be okay, and wishing Lilly would hurry up. At least one of my wishes had come true, Lilly rushed towards me and took me in her arms.

For the longest time I let her hold me as I sobbed, feeling useless and afraid. As the hours went by, I was starting to lose patience and just as I was about to have anther melt down, a Doctor came into the room. His face sombre.

‘Please, Doctor, tell me she is ok!’ I cried.

I tried to concentrate on what he was saying, but it was difficult to take it all in.

‘Tabitha, your daughter is very poorly, but we have stabilised her condition’ he spoke clearly and calmly, ‘She has a severe bacterial infection which has caused the onset of pneumonia, and while we have managed to catch it early, the effects are still quite serious’

‘Is she going to be, okay?’ I sniffed, not fully understanding what he was saying.

‘She is going to need treatment and hopefully she will make a full recovery, but we can’t be certain until she starts responding to the treatment. As I said, she is very poorly, but she is stable’

‘Can I see her?’ I just wanted to see her, I felt lost without her. I was her mother, she needed me.

‘Of course, but please be prepared, you can’t hold her, she is in an incubator, and she has wires and tubes on her’

‘Okay’ I said quietly, not really sure what was about to walk in on ‘Lilly, can you come with me?’

I absolutely did not want to face any of this alone, and I knew I didn’t really have to ask, I knew she would be there for me.

‘Of course Thia, I’m right here’

She was like a comfort blanket to me, and when It was going to be time to have to say goodbye to her, I knew it was going to be hard. Lilly had become like the best big sister I never had.

We followed the doctor to the intensive care Unit, and he took us to where she was, she looked so small and fragile, I held onto Lilly as I took in the sight of my tiny little girl covered in wires, tubes hanging out of her neck and a mask over her face.

She was sleeping, I think they said they had sedated her, I’m not sure, it was all such a blur and I struggled to retain anything anyone was saying. It was as if they were talking to someone else.

I stared at her for the longest time, willing her to fight and survive. I put my hand through the small hole in the side of the incubators so I could hold her hand for a while. When I started to fall asleep in the chair, Lilly suggested I go home and get some rest.

‘I don’t want to leave her’ I said softly, not taking my eyes away from her.

‘You are no good to her exhausted Thia’

‘She’s right you know’ a nurse had come by my side ‘she is stable, and comfortable. Rest and come back tomorrow refreshed. We won’t have any more news until morning’

‘You’ll call me? if anything changes?’ I plead, not really wanting to go, but knowing it was the right thing to do.

‘Absolutely, but I wouldn’t send you home if I thought she wouldn’t be just fine overnight. You got yourself a little fighter here. She gorgeous’

‘Thank you’

I said a few words to Hallie before Lilly and I went to her car. She drove us back to the house, and I could see she was as tired as me.

‘Thanks for coming, and staying with me, I couldn’t have done this without you’

‘I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I have absolute faith she is going to be okay and everything will work out just fine’ she reassured me.

‘I hope so, I really do’

Lilly walked me to the apartment, and we said goodbye, she offered to stay with me, but she needed her own bed and a good rest to. She agreed to pick me up in the morning and take me back to the hospital when I suddenly remembered ‘Mum and Dad!’

‘Don’t worry, Mrs. Radcliffe rang them, they are aware of the situation’

I briefly furrowed my brows, confused as to how she knew this as she hadn’t appeared to leave my side, but it wasn’t important, and there was now something I had to know ‘Are they still coming for me?’

‘It was agreed it was best you stayed here while Hallie got better. When Hallie is due to be discharged, they will come here and collect your belongings and then go to the hospital and get you both’

‘Oh. Okay. So, they aren’t coming at all until then?’

I couldn’t hide the disappointment from my voice. I don’t know why I was disappointed, or surprised, or why I even cared. They had shown no indication that they cared for me at all, and they had nothing but hatred for Hallie.

‘I’m sorry Thia, it doesn’t look that way’ she sighed, there was nothing more she could really say.

‘Okay, well thanks anyway, good night’

‘Are you going to be, okay?’

‘Yeah, I’m exhausted, I’m just going to head straight to bed. I’ll see you in the morning’

‘Goodnight’

She walked away as I closed the door to the apartment, and I decided to have a warm bath before getting into the comfort of my bed. I drifted into a hazy and restless sleep, all thoughts of Hallie never far from my mind.

When I woke, I didn’t feel like I had slept at all, but I think I got at least a few hours. I got dressed and made a cup of milky coffee, hoping Lilly would be here soon so we could head straight back to the hospital.

By the time I had finished the last swig of my drink, she was knocking on the door, I rushed to get my bag and ran to the door. We made it to the hospital making small talk in the car on the way there, I wasn’t really paying attention, I just wanted to see Hallie.

I impatiently made it to the NCIU and was buzzed in, Lilly hot on my trail, and the nurse came straight to me, ‘Mum?’ she questioned looking between me and Lilly, she was a different nurse to the one that was here last night.

‘Me’ I said quietly.

‘Of course, I should have known, she has your colourings’ she smiled ‘She is doing alright, she had a settled night and remains stable’ she looked between me and Lilly, a hint of pity in her eyes.

‘But….’ I offered her the word she seemed to struggle to find.

‘She is such a fighter, and she is doing really well, we are happy with her progress over night, but she is fragile and struggling a little as she is so young. I don’t want to unnecessarily concern you; however, I do need to tell you, that although she is slowly responding to the treatment, she still has a long way to go. She is going to be here for a while’

‘How long?’ I ask, not prepared for the answer.

‘2 or 3 weeks maybe longer, depending on how she does’

I swallowed hard. I knew it was serious, but for some reason, hearing she may spend as long in here as she has been alive was still a shock. I had thought when they said she was doing well and was stable that somehow that meant she would be home soon.

Then I remembered, when she got better, she wasn’t coming home. I’m not sure if it was that or finding out her recovery was going to be a much longer and slower process than I had realised, that made me falter, but I didn’t even try and stop the tears from seeping from my eyes this time.

She had been through so much in her short life, I hoped now life would give her a break. She was too young to be dealing with so much illness. I thought maybe God was punishing me for my sins. But then I reasoned, he wouldn’t do that, he loves us all.

For the next 3 weeks, Hallie received the treatment she needed. We had moments of worry and concern, but in general, she responded well. A few days ago, she had finally had the remainder of the machines disconnected and the antibiotic treatments had been complete.

She had been moved to a children’s ward and was likely to be discharged soon. I wouldn’t miss the clinical smell of this place. The ward was brightly coloured and much more friendly environment than the NICU, but it was still not a place I ever wanted to return too.

Hallie was now feeding normally, sleeping better, more alert when awake and was beginning to get back to her normal self. It was a relief to see, and each day I could see she was one step closer to being free from here. I had been coming in everyday, leaving only when Lilly came to get me.

Lilly was busy at the house, so didn’t stay with me at the hospital, but I was more than happy and less anxious as the days went by at how well Hallie was doing. She started to sleep less, look around more, she was like a different baby than the one that was rushed here 3 weeks ago.

Today, when the nurse arrived, she had advised me that Hallie was ready for discharge tomorrow. I was so relieved and happy she would be leaving this clinical environment, but my heart sank knowing it would be so much harder to say goodbye to her, having been so involved in her little life.

I rang Lilly to let her know and she said she would speak to my parents so they could make the arrangements. I went back to the ward Hallie was now on, she was in her crib babbling away. I scooped her up in my arms and cuddled her, taking her all in.

I was dreading tomorrow.

I already missed her, and she was in my arms. It was ridiculous, but it was true, nonetheless.

The following day I was preparing myself for Hallie’s discharge. Lilly dropped me off at the hospital early. She promised to follow my parents here after they had collected my belongings so I could say goodbye.

I had already packed my things, I didn’t want them riffling through my stuff, but I thought they might anyway, so I kept a few of Hallie’s thing in my shoulder bag with me, so they couldn’t take them from me. I would put nothing past them.

When I arrived on the ward, everyone was so pleased Hallie could go home, we had become a little unit of solidarity here while we all patiently waited for our children to get better. I was by far the youngest mother here, but they all treated me with respect and kindness.

When the nurse came to do the rounds with the doctor, to give us the all clear to go, they did a final check on Hallie and both gave each other a look I only knew too well. Something wasn’t right.